Page 35 of A Token of Blood and Betrayal (Kennedy Rain #4)

“Where is she!” Blake bellowed.

I stared at the floor, noticing the faint marbling in the gray cement, the hairline cracks, and the occasional tiny chip that pockmarked its surface.

I’d never noticed the imperfections before.

Was that because I hadn’t paid attention?

Or was it a sign that I was changing, my vision enhancing every detail?

“Kennedy!” Footsteps pounded toward me.

No, I was being stupid. I was still in the Null, still human for now.

Blake dropped to the floor beside me.

“Kennedy.” This time my name was soft and careful, like I was something fragile that needed to be wrapped in clouds.

Gently he pulled me into his arms. As soon as he cradled me against his chest, I melted into him.

“You’re freezing,” he said.

He wasn’t. He was warm and safe. He’d know what to do. I could stop thinking. I could hand over my worries to him and soak in his protection.

As soon as I released my stranglehold on fate, a tear ran down my face.

Then a second tear. A third. I hated and loved every one of them.

Hated because they betrayed my weaknesses.

Loved because they allowed me to stay in Blake’s arms, to breathe in his wild scent, to be so close to him I might never pull away.

The tears didn’t last long, but they left me with a raw throat and a body so useless I couldn’t make it move. So I stayed in Blake’s arms. I relived our past, every incremental moment I fell for him, every smile he aimed my way, even the ones I’d wanted to punch.

Especially the ones I’d wanted to punch. They were the smiles that hit me the hardest. They revealed a connection between us that crossed so many lines. But those lines sketched something dark and beautiful, something I’d futilely tried to erase, not realizing they were permanent.

“Let me see your arm,” Blake said, breaking the silence. He nuzzled the curve of my neck, which made me want to stay where I was even more, but he put space between our bodies. Instead of his arms and chest keeping me upright, the cold, lifeless wall became my support.

Blake found the edge of my blood-soaked dish towel. I knocked his hand away.

“I need to look at it,” he said, his voice soft.

“It hurts.”

“I know.” He swept my hair away from my face, tucked it behind my ear. “It’s not going to stop hurting until we treat it.”

I shook my head. The reality of my situation rushed back in, renewing my panic and escalating the sharp pain running through my arm.

He nudged my chin upward and hooked my gaze. His eyes were a dark and human brown, layered with emotion and strength. “Let me take care of you, Kennedy.”

Chest tightening, I looked away. I didn’t have the strength for this yet.

“It would appease my wolf,” he said. “He’s pacing and snarling like we’ve been dosed with wolfsbane again.”

That brought my gaze back to him, my eyes narrowing. “You’re in the Null.”

The corner of his mouth lifted a millimeter. “Then it’s me who’s pacing and snarling on the inside. May I?”

I bit my bottom lip but let him peel back the towel. It tugged and pulled at the wound. The metallic scent of blood burned my nose.

“Fuck,” Blake whispered.

I made the mistake of looking at my ruined flesh, the jigsaw of gashes that revealed muscle and bone.

“I… I had to disinfect it,” I spluttered out. “I used soap and hot water and… and maybe I should have cut out the wound.”

“God, no,” Blake said. “Look at me.” I did. “Breathe. You did everything right. This shouldn’t have happened.”

“I shouldn’t have left The Rain. I should have come back. Not stayed the night. Or half of it at least. I wasn’t going to.” I was rambling, tripping over my words because I was afraid and couldn’t make sense of anything. Why had the wolf come after me?

The question cycled through my mind again. It wasn’t something I’d thought about yet. The why. The attack had been well orchestrated, the three other wolves all distractions to lure Thordis and Eli away. The werewolves had targeted me.

“What are you thinking?” Blake asked.

My breathing shallowed. Anger replaced a good amount of my fear. Lehr controlled the wolves in this region. They wouldn’t have attacked unless he’d allowed it or ordered it. “He’s gone too far this time.”

“Who?”

“Who do you think?” I snapped. Holding my injured arm against my ribs, I moved away from Blake, braced my hand against the wall, then tried to stand.

I didn’t get an inch off the ground.

“What are you doing?” He kept me upright, which was infuriating because I was pissed and needed to be strong, and also a relief because collapsing completely would have hurt. And been humiliating.

“I’m standing.”

A dark eyebrow went up. Then went down. “Wait. It wasn’t us.”

I made another attempt to stand.

“Kennedy.”

I tried again. Blake chose to help me this time. And he kept me steady while the hallway spun and spun. I felt the blood drain from my face, felt my lungs constrict. Even though I didn’t allow myself to lean into him, Blake bore more of my weight than I did.

“We didn’t do this,” he said.

“How do you know?”

“The same way I know we didn’t kill your parents.”

I opened my eyes. Glared.

“And I wouldn’t fucking allow it.” His gaze hardened for the first time.

“You couldn’t stop Lehr if he gave the order.”

“I would, and he didn’t. As much as you piss him off, you’re the last Rain. I’m aware of everything that has anything to do with you, and Lehr did not order someone to attack you.”

My head pounded. “You think you’re aware of everything.”

“I am.”

I managed a pained laugh. “Lehr deliberately keeps things from you.”

“He can’t. The pack…” His anger faded with the words. He studied me, and I realized my mistake. “What is he keeping from me?”

Stupid, Kennedy!

“Just… our conversation in his truck.” I should stop talking. Blood loss was making me reckless.

“What are you keeping from me?” His voice turned quiet.

If I’d had any lingering doubts about Blake knowing Lehr had forced me to kill Shelli, they would have vanished in that moment.

The way he stood so lethally still said I needed to keep it to myself, but the stubborn set to his jaw indicated he wouldn’t let this go, so I did what I had to. I let my knees buckle.

His arms tightened around my waist. His chest, rigid with frustration, softened as he embraced me, and I melted into him.

Was this a cowardly way out of the conversation?

Yes. Was I protecting Blake from the truth?

Also yes. If he confronted Lehr, someone would die.

Blake had an alpha’s confidence. He believed he could kill Lehr if it came down to a fight.

I didn’t want to find out if he was wrong.

“We’ll talk about this later,” he said gently. “Let’s take care of your arm. I’ll take you to the hospital.”

A hospital meant I’d have to leave the Null. That wasn’t going to happen anytime soon. Just looking at the door at the end of the hall made me queasy. I wasn’t ready to face what might be on the other side of the threshold. “I just need to sleep.”

“If it helps, I brought the Jaguar,” he said, a tease entering his voice.

“Thoughtful but no. You can take me to bed.”

He laughed. “Trying to distract me. Clever. How about we revisit that idea after you see a doctor?”

“I don’t need a doctor,” I lied.

“Your arm won’t heal on its own.”

“I’ll get a poultice from Astrid.”

“That also requires you to step outside the Null.” His words and the fact that he knew it wasn’t the hospital I wanted to avoid arrowed straight through me.

“Tomorrow,” I said.

“Your arm will be septic by then. It’s likely already infected.” He pulled me toward the door.

I dug in my heels. Futilely. “Just one more day. Please.”

“A day won’t matter,” he said gently. “It’s dawn. The outcome is the same whether you go outside now or next week. You can do this, Kennedy. You’re strong. And you’re probably fine.”

“Probably.” I tried to make the word come out scathing. Instead, it came out afraid.

“It’s been three days since the full moon,” he said.

“Four days is better.”

“I’d let you stay as long as you wanted if your arm wouldn’t kill you.”

“Then just bring a doctor to me. I know the pack has someone.”

He sighed. “We do. And she would insist on treating you outside the Null.”

“Fine. I’ll just stick my arm out there.”

“Kennedy.”

Even though I knew he was right, I shook my head. “I can’t survive like that.”

His mouth tightened into a small, humorless smile. “That’s what we all say when we’re changed. We underestimate what we’re capable of when we don’t have a choice.”

You’d think I wouldn’t have the ability to feel anything more than my butchered arm, exhausted body, and infinite fear, yet guilt managed to make room for itself.

It stabbed between my ribs like I’d just stabbed Blake in his back.

I’d rejected him so often. Rejected his decisions, his instincts, his willingness to do Lehr’s bidding.

And I’d just judged him for choosing to live as something that was out of his control.

The words I’m sorry were too insignificant for all the hurt I had done since Beltane.

“If…” I swallowed. “If I’m not okay, what will happen?”

Apparently, I still had the capacity to cry. Blake glided his thumb across my cheek, smoothing away a tear.