Page 6 of A Tall Order (Shade Grown Coffee Boys #1)

Remi lets me spend so much time playing today, doing everything for me with ease. He cuts my grilled cheese into three slices during lunch after a failed attempt at dunking the whole thing into a delicious tomato soup. Then, the fight I put up for a nap time. He gave me a look. The look. The one that says ‘Daddy isn’t playing and you’ll get in trouble if you don’t listen’. I took an hour nap and woke up to actual cookies, fresh from the oven. And a slightly more organized playroom.

There still isn’t much in the way of furniture in the room. There’s a tall, white dresser where Remi folds and puts away most of my Little clothes. He shows me that the bottom drawer is where he put the diapers and training pants. My cheeks flush at that, but I can’t deny that I want to put one on. It’s been so long. There is also one of those toy racks, with the plastic buckets on each level so you can organize toys, books, whatever. And boy do I have books now.

I smile when Remi opens that final box. It is filled to the brim. He counts them out and it comes to seventy-six. Picture books, chapter books, even a few coloring books were thrown in there. The final piece of furniture is a tiny table, where we put said coloring books and the crayons I found in the art box. There are no chairs, but it's perfect height, I can just sit on the floor and use it.

Remi leaves me to play, keeping the door open so he can see me if he leans around the kitchen door frame. He double checks that I'll be okay when he leaves to go to the store. He promises to be back in no less than thirty minutes since the store isn't far from my house.

I get myself off for a second time that day, right there in the playroom, in under twenty minutes. I hide the evidence of my orgasm by changing clothes, changing into one of the outfits we unpacked. Including a pair of training pants. I’m still wearing them now, but Remi doesn’t know that. It scares me that I kind of want him to know I’m wearing them.

During dinner, I ask him if he wants to stay again, so I can maybe wake up Little one more day. I feel like I'm being selfish, but he smiles over his tacos and agrees with ease, giving me the Daddy voice when I try to insist he take the bed.

Hours after bedtime, I'm still wide awake. I don’t know what I’m going to do about my swirling thoughts. My jumbled, confusing, won’t-let-me-go-to-fucking-sleep swirling thoughts. I toss around to my other side once again and stare at the clock on the bedside table. It’s four AM and I’m wide awake.

I grunt and flop onto my back. I hear something thud on the floor and realize I probably knocked my phone off the bed. I didn’t put it on the charger tonight because I never once used it today. It was nice to disconnect from all the outside worries for once.

“Austin?” Remi’s voice is at my door. It startles me but the door opens before I can sit up. “Are you okay?”

“Oh yeah, sorry. Wow, you have good hearing.” I squint when he turns the light on. He's shirtless and his chest hair is on full display. His body is a sight for my tired eyes. I can see his eyes are hooded, too. “I think I just knocked my phone off the side of the bed. No big deal.”

“Why are you so awake?” He doesn’t step any further into the room. “Have you slept at all?”

I shrug instead of saying anything.

“Do you want to talk about it?” This time, Remi does move into the room. He sits on the corner of my bed and reaches a hand out to squeeze my foot through the blanket. “What’s keeping you awake?”

“Just a lot of thoughts swirling around.” I make a swirling motion with my finger next to my head. “I had a lot of fun today and knowing that we tackled the boxes and it wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be was nice.”

“The room looks great,” he says. “And I may have ordered you a few things while you took your nap earlier.”

“What? Remi, that’s too-”

“It isn’t too much for me, Austin. I want to do this for you. It’s just a chair and some new curtains, nothing fancy.” He looks at me for a long moment. I concede easily but he still watches me. “Something else is on your mind, though. We’ve talked all day today, Austin. What’s still bothering you?”

I’ll have to tell him eventually, right? We still have one more morning together before he needs to go home and get ready for work Monday. And I’m hoping that maybe we could make this a weekend thing, if he’s willing. I take a deep breath and push the covers away. I’m wearing a pair of black shorts that only hit mid thigh on me. I watch Remi’s eyes track from my waist up to my eyes slowly. I ditched my shirt somewhere around one AM.

“Today felt good,” I start. I’m standing right in front of him. If he parted his legs anymore, I could slip in between them. “It felt natural, especially this evening when I was fully in my Little space.”

“I’m glad to hear that,” Remi says. I can see him swallow roughly. “But a good day isn’t what’s keeping you awake, Austin.”

“That’s just it. It felt like I had my Daddy the whole day. You and Paul are so much alike in the way you do things when it comes to rules and listening, playing, cooking, asking if I’m okay, checking in.” Now that I’m talking, I don’t think I can stop until it’s all laid out for him.

Because I realize the truth in that moment.

I want Remington Higgins to be my new Daddy.

“But you also do things your own way. You are more firm when it comes to me disagreeing with you, like with nap time. And the way you explained how you are with past Littles…” I want that.

“Austin?” Remington reaches one hand up and takes mine in his. “What are you getting at?”

We’re both consenting adults. Yes, we have a history that includes my first Daddy. But he’s not here with us anymore, hasn’t been for three years. I still miss him like crazy and will always love him and cherish our moments. But being around Remi? It’s like I can finally breathe and relax. I no longer have to do everything on my own. We already have that foundation of trust and we can build on that. I’m sure Paul would be okay with this. I know he would be, actually. Because he trusted Remington as much as I do now.

Instead of saying all of that to him in a jumbled mess of words, I direct his hand to the waistband of my shorts and hold his hand there until he gets the hint to pull them down. I watch with rapt attention as he licks his lips, eyes flicking up to me a moment before tugging just a part of the shorts down. His breath hitches in his throat.

“I put them on when you left for the store,” I say. “I’ve been thinking about it all day, Remi. You are everything I never thought I would find again. It shouldn’t surprise me, really. You already know so much about me, but we’ve shared a lot today too. I feel safe doing this again. I want to explore more. With you.”

It’s my turn to swallow when he drops his hand and looks back up at me with so many questions behind those brown eyes. I brace myself to ask the one question that could make or break our friendship.

“Will you be my Daddy?”

“Oh, Austin.” Remi says the words out of surprise. At least I hope that’s what it is. “Are you sure that is something you want? It’s only been two days, sweetie. You haven’t had Little time in a while and I don’t want you to confuse-”

I look away, tears threatening to spill. I was sure he would say yes. But he’s listing off things, assuming that I’m just confused? I mean, yeah, I was confused this morning when I woke up cuddled on top of him and hard. And I was confused when I almost called him Daddy. But I got past that and saw, and felt, that we could be compatible .

“Austin. Look at me, please.” Remi’s voice is stern and I feel like that isn’t the first time he said it since I’ve been fighting off the tears. I blink rapidly and raise my hand to swipe at the corner of my eye. I can feel full sobs working their way up my throat from my heart. “Baby, I’m not saying no. I’m just asking if you’re sure because that’s a big step. That’s more than us just hanging out a couple days a week. Because if we do this—”

Remi’s hands land gently on my hips and he tugs me closer, spreading his legs so I can stand between them. My hands go to his shoulders to keep myself steady. “If we do this, it’s a lifestyle. I don’t think I’d be satisfied with just scenes with you. I’d want to cook for you, help you relax, play, pick out clothes. But I would also want a partner when you’re not in Little space.”

“I want all of that too,” I say honestly. “I promise, I’ve thought this out. I know that I’m asking more than just you being my Daddy. I’m asking for dating, exclusivity. I want all of it. All of you.”

“I want that too,” he says. I can see more words are about to follow. A proposition. I let my shoulders drop when he proves my thought right. “But how about we go on a date before we make anything official? We can go grab lunch tomorrow before I head home? We'll need to talk, really talk, about what we want.”

It’s reasonable. I know that asking Remi to be my Daddy means a lot and I’m glad he isn’t just jumping in and saying yes. It sucks in the moment, but I know we’ll be better for it. He is looking out for both of us to make sure that we will work as a team, a couple. Not just as Daddy and Little, which is what we’ve spent the majority of the weekend as. I smile and nod my agreement to the plan .

“But let’s talk about you giving yourself some naughty touches while I wasn’t here, shall we?”

“Um.” I can feel my embarrassment and since I’m not wearing a shirt, I know he can see my skin flush with the emotion. I try to step away, but his hands hold firmly to my hips. I fake a yawn. “I think I’m really tired. We should both get some sleep now.”

“You can go a few more minutes,” he says without hesitation. I fight the urge to roll my eyes and decide to get this conversation over with quickly.

“I woke up this morning cuddled next to you and hard so I may have gotten off in the shower too.” Remi smiles.

“Oh, I know that one. I was about to knock to let you know I was making breakfast, but I heard your moans. You weren’t even trying to hide it.”

“I actually was,” I say defensively. Which doesn’t help my case. “But back to the point. After that, we got to work and the more we talked, the more it came clear to me what I wanted. And then you were talking about your preferences with having fun sex and there were certain parts of my body that enjoyed hearing that.”

“We’ll talk about it more after our date,” Remi says. I know he was playing, wanting to lighten the mood by asking that question. “Right now, we both really need some sleep. Let’s get you tucked back in.”

“I know we just kind of poured our hearts out here,” I say. “But, I mean, you can always sleep in here tonight. Nothing has to happen, obviously. I kind of don’t want to be alone after all that.”

Remi smiles. It’s genuine and he shows his perfectly white teeth. His beard is a bit scraggly, probably from sleeping on the couch and not having his products at the house. “No funny business tonight, okay?”

“Scouts honor,” I say with my own genuine smile. I probably should pause to think about the fact that this will be the first time I’ve shared a bed with anyone since Paul. But I let the thought trail off without a fuss, letting Remi’s hands tuck me back in under the blanket. My eyes track him as he moves to turn the light back off. A few seconds later, I feel the other side of the bed dip. “Goodnight Remi.”

I kind of can’t wait until I can call him Daddy.

When I wake again, I’m alone in bed. But I’m in the middle, a clear sign that I rolled over and cuddled with Remi while sleeping. Did that make him uncomfortable and he went to the couch? I move my hand, noting that the sheets don't feel cold. Maybe he left the bed recently, then?

Opening my eyes and sitting up, I rub the sleep from them. My sleep addled brain is slower to start, but as our talk from just a couple of hours ago comes back to me, I don’t know whether I want to smile or cry. I asked Remington to be my Daddy. And he hadn’t said yes.

He didn’t say no, either, but he didn’t immediately say yes.

There’s a sound of a toilet flushing moments before Remington is standing in the doorway. “You’re awake.” He smiles. It’s easy and genuine. That’s a good thing, right? I take in his soft lips, his beard that's a bit scraggly this morning and the thin pajama pants that aren't hiding much of anything. “I was just coming to wake you up for breakfast. ”

Remington walks to the edge of the bed and holds his hands out. I push the blankets off my legs and swing them around, taking his hands so he can pull me to my feet. We’re standing inches apart. I risk looking up at his face.

“You have some sleepies in the corners of your eyes,” Remington says. His hand reaches up and swipes at the spots on the inside of my eyes. I close my lids and let him get the remnants of a good night sleep. When I open them again, he’s smiling and runs his hands down my arms. I can feel myself relaxing and slipping into that familiar easy feeling I’ve missed so much the last three years.

Remington steps away and turns to pull a shirt from one of my drawers. It’s a faded yellow, but letting him put it on reminds me that I’m wearing training pants. I shift my hips a little extra as we walk to the table, loving the feeling against my skin. The sensation against my sensitive areas is exhilarating and I feel myself stiffening up. I stop shifting my hips.

“What’s that look for?” Remington asks when I sit with a bit more force than needed.

“Nothing.”

“Austin.” Remington stands in the doorway of the kitchen and fixes me with a stare. That look does not help the situation rising. Literally. I sigh. Another thing Remi and Paul have in common. His stare is no-nonsense.

“I forgot I was wearing the training pants,” I answer honestly. “I like the feeling.”

Remington doesn’t say anything to me, but there’s a smirk tugging at his lips. He turns around, leaving me to my thoughts. What does that mean? Does he know that my cock is currently pressing against the fabric? I shift in the seat, the sensation turning from building pleasure to a bit uncomfortable .

“Austin?” I look up when Remi says my name. I didn’t realize I was fiddling with my hands, picking at my nail beds again. “Go potty and I’ll have breakfast ready.”

“Yes.” I rush from the chair and head to the bathroom. There’s a towel hanging on the hook where Remi took a shower last night. I should take one today. Before our date later. I relieve myself, smiling when I hear Remi remind me to wash my hands.

I wiggle my fingers at him before sitting back down. There are apple slices again. And a piece of toast cut into slices with scrambled eggs. And none of the food is touching. I smile at Remi. “Thanks.”

“Eat up and then you can play for a bit while I finish organizing the kitchen. I've moved some things around, but I'll show you where all of it is.”

“Can I take Koka and Kola in there with me?” I ask the question around a bite of food. Koka, along with the other stuffies that I've had for years, are getting more than enough love and playtime this week. I feel bad that I was too scared something would happen to them that I kept them on a shelf all this time.

“Of course you can,” Remi says. “And please chew your food before talking.”

I nod and smile. We finish breakfast in a matter of minutes, Remi dumping the rest of my apple juice from a regular cup to one of the sippy cups unpacked yesterday. I smile at it, remembering when Paul got it for me. We’d been on a trip alone and forgot to pack my sippy. It was a last minute panic buy, but I love it. It's a pretty shade of blue.

“Go ahead and I’ll be in once I clean up,” Remi suggests. I thank him quietly and move to the room. Being in here yesterday while we were unpacking and going through everything was freeing. It was nice to go down memory lane with someone.

This morning? I sit down at the table and slowly pick through the coloring books. Most of them are half-filled already. I pick up one with exotic animals and smile at the different colors that pass page-by-page. Paul’s signature is on a couple of the pages, signaling that he had been the one to color it.

The crayons give the same memories. Broken ones where I pressed down too hard, some with the paper peeled off when they started getting too small. I look around and let out a heavy sigh.

I miss my Daddy. The lingering memories that run through my mind of things in the past make me sad. I can feel myself relax when I think about Remi now, of him in this room and playing with me. I picture him sitting with me to color or laying in the floor to play with cars.

“Hey, you forgot someone.” Remi’s voice hits my ears before I see him. I look up and his face immediately falls. The smile drops and he’s by my side, sitting down next to me, before the first tear slips down my cheek. “What’s the matter?”

“I'm just thinking about my Daddy and you,” I mumble. My chin is tucked to my chest and I can feel the drops of tears hitting my bare leg.

“Oh, sweetie. Come here.” I go easily into his lap and curl up, burying my face in his chest. His arms wrap around me and I can feel him rocking back and forth. “I know you miss him. I miss him, too. He was a great person. ”

“The best,” I say. I don’t know if he can hear me. I reach a hand up and swipe at my cheek. Then I realize what I said and sit up to look at him. “Not that you’re not great, too.”

“It’s okay,” he says with a small chuckle. He flattens a hand against the side of my head and cuddles me closer. “Do you want to maybe go to the living room and play for a bit?”

“Um.” I think about it. I glance around and look at the room from the comfort of Da- Remi’s lap. Then I look back at him. “I think I’m okay. But can you stay in here with me?”

“Of course.” Remi kisses the top of my head and I finally pull out of his lap. “Can I color with you?”

“I want the animals,” I say and grab the coloring book I was flipping through already. I turn a few pages to one that hasn’t been marked yet. It’s a lion with two cubs. I remember that Remi brought my koalas in and look over at the animals sitting behind Remi. He sees my look and reaches over for them.

“What color should my dragon be?” Remi asks. He’s sorting through the different options. “Hmm, I think we might need to refresh this stock, Aus. I don’t see a single glitter crayon. How am I supposed to color a sparkly dragon without sparkles?”

I smile at the nickname.