Page 19 of A Tall Order (Shade Grown Coffee Boys #1)

I say goodbye to Billy and Chandler without another word from Austin. I can see the tears ready to spill from his eyes. I help him into his coat and zip it up before opening the door and walking down the steps. The moment the car door closes and we're alone, Austin loses it.

I pull him to my side and hold him, turning up the heat. We weren't inside for more than an hour. I don't push him to tell me what his mom and sister said. I could hear them talking, but the exact words I couldn't make out. I knew that Austin was worried about coming here, bringing me. If I had any idea that it would lead to tears, I would have told him we weren't coming. This is what I'm supposed to do; protect my Boy from things that make him cry.

"Baby, I'm sorry." I brush a hand down the back of his head, down his back, and back up.

"I should be the one apologizing," he mumbles against my chest. "I can't believe they brought up Paul like that and said… Th ey said—" His words end with a hiccup and I squeeze him tighter. I don't want to let him go but I need to drive us home.

"It's okay, baby. We can talk about it once we're home okay?"

He sits up and I move my hand to wipe the tears off his face. His eyes are red and my happy Boy is nowhere to be seen right now. I brush my fingers down the side of his face and lean forward to kiss him. It's a comforting kiss, nothing deep.

"Get your seatbelt on and I'll drive us home." I look back toward the house and see Austin's sister standing on the porch. His mom is in the window. I want to get out and yell at them for making Austin cry, to tell them that it's none of their business what he does with his life. He is old enough to make his own choices. He's the sweetest, cutest, sexiest man I know. I love him and no one is going to be hurting him, with words or anything else.

I back out of the driveway and then take his hand in mine until we get to my house again. He stays in the truck while I run into his house for the necessary stuffies and to make sure everything is still okay. He takes my hand when I get back in the truck, but doesn't say anything. When we get back to my place, neither of us make a move to get out.

"I'm sorry if I ruined the day," he says, looking down at his lap.

"Austin?" I make sure my voice is steady, but stern enough that he looks up at me with bright eyes. "You didn't ruin anything."

"I know they didn't like that I was dating an older man before, but I didn't think they'd use that against me today. I just wanted to show you off and show how happy you make me. "

I pull him across the seat and hold him close. "You make me so incredibly happy too, baby. I hope you know that."

"I know," he says. I can hear him sniffle but his voice is low and I can tell that it's going to take a bit for him to recover from this.

"Okay, okay. So I was going to surprise you with this tomorrow morning." I wait until he's looking at me and give him a small smile. "I was going to wake you up with your favorite hot chocolate but I think maybe we can go inside and make it together? Then get our stuff packed up for tomorrow."

"White chocolate?" His blue, blue eyes get that little sparkle back in them at the thought of the hot chocolate. I remember him saying that he prefers it over coffee. When I went to the store on Monday, I made sure to grab the ingredients to make it. The others are planning on bringing food to share over the weekend as well.

"Yes, white chocolate." I say the words playfully, hoping that it brings Austin's mood up a bit. I don't know if it works but he gives me a smile. The first one I've seen in the hour and a half since we left. "With marshmallows and whipped cream."

"You're trying to make me feel better with promises of sugar," Austin says. Then his smile widens and he looks genuinely happy now. "And it's totally working."

"Good. I don't want my Boy sad. Let's get inside."

I grab the empty breakfast dish and meet him at the front door to unlock it. I have a key to his place because it made sense, but I need to get him his own for my place. Maybe find one that has a fun design on it. Austin slips out of his shoes the second he walks through the door and hightails it up the stairs .

"Austin," I call out. He stops halfway up the stairs and turns to look at me. His eyes are still red rimmed but he's smiling. "What's the rule for going up the stairs?"

"No running," he says and at least he looks guilty for forgetting the rule. "Sorry. Do I have time to shower? I want to wash this product out of my hair."

"You can do whatever you want," I say. His smile turns to a smirk.

"Do you want to join me?" His eyebrows wiggle up and down, making me laugh. "Please, Daddy?"

He sticks his bottom lip out in a feign pout and clasps his hands in front of him. His pouty look while he's dressed up in his bowtie and the trousers that look perfectly tailored for him is such a contradiction and for a second I consider it.

"How about you take your shower, or bath, and I'll come help you get dressed?"

"It's going to be so lonely," he says with a sigh. As much as I want to, I don't give in. I tilt my head just slightly forward and give him my best stare.

"Call for me when you're ready to get dressed, okay?"

"Fine." He turns and finishes going up the stairs. I shake my head at his petulance. I would have joined him for a shower but he just finished crying and I want to give him a bit of time to get this thoughts straight.

I move around the stairs and go to the kitchen. I warm milk up on the stove and grab the white chocolate chips to melt in. I squeeze some caramel sauce in as well and stir it. The kitchen smells great as I'm reaching for a couple of disposable cups with lids. I leave them sitting on the counter and go up to see what Austin is up to .

The water turns off just as I reach the bathroom door. I open it up and smile when Austin steps out and reaches for his towel. My bathroom is larger than his, with the washer and dryer sitting to the right and then the walk in shower beside it. The sink counter and mirror span half the wall on the left and the toilet is in the far lefthand corner. The walls are a light gray, white tiles, matching cabinets and accessories.

"Hot chocolate is ready whenever we are," I say with a smile. I take the towel from him and start at his hair to dry him off. When his face reappears from under the towel, he's smiling and I hear the faintest giggle. I knew a shower would do him well.

I work down his body, drying every inch of him. He squirms when I reach his cock. I brush my fingers over his balls and down the inside of his thighs. His muscles twitch. I know he's sensitive on his thighs and when I finally hear him call stop, I move lower to dry his feet.

"There. Nice and dry." I stand back up and drop the towel on the floor. We'll clean it up later. "Now, what clothes do you want to wear tonight?"

"I'm feeling sweats and hoodie," Austin says as we move to my bedroom. "I just want a cozy night."

Austin's discarded clothes are scattered by the foot of the bed. I ask him to pick them up and put them in the basket. While his back is turned, I see his phone screen light up. I reach for it first and see the texts from his sister and the two missed calls from his mom .

Bea

Come on, Austin. Answer your phone. We're just worried about you.

You took what we said way out of proportion.

Mom is upset. Call her back.

"Do you want to talk about it now?" I ask. I turn his phone off, making the choice for him that he isn't talking to any of them. I set it face down on the dresser and pull out a pair of sweats for him from his drawer. I help him into one of my hoodies. I smile at the way it engulfs him and his fingers disappear in the sleeves. He flops his arms up and down and laughter fills the room from both of us.

"There's not much to talk about," Austin says with a shrug. "I'm just embarrassed that my family isn't like yours."

"Hey, no talking like that." I pull him into a bear hug and hold him tightly against my body. Austin wraps his arms around my back and holds on just as tight. "Your family is different, but not embarrassing. If you don't want to talk to them, you don't have to. I'll be right here no matter what choice you make, but baby—?"

He looks up at me and I bend my head to kiss him. My hands lift to cup his face gently as my tongue slides against his. His mouth is fresh, he must have brushed his teeth before taking a shower.

"I got upset because they compared you to Paul and started talking about how I was going to outlive you. It just… I told th em that one of us could die tomorrow and then I got scared thinking about losing you."

"Baby." I pull him in for another tight embrace, breathing deep to keep my own composure. I whisper in his ear. "I'm not leaving you. Not today, not tomorrow. We're going to make every day worth it, right?"

"Right." Austin nods and I finally let him go and take his hand. Or, the sleeve where his hand should be. He laughs and pushes the sleeve up and takes my hand.

The hot chocolate is perfect temp when we make it back to the kitchen. We decide on continuing the holiday celebration with a bowl of popcorn and watching Miracle on 34th Street. It's been years since I've seen the movie, but I've never enjoyed it more than I do with my Boy cuddled into my side.

Even if he does fall asleep thirty minutes in.

I decide to let him sleep and go back upstairs to pack our bags. I start with our clothes, making sure to pack jeans, sweats, sweaters, and the likes. I pack myself a pair of khaki pants and a button up for when I'm meeting with the owner.

Moving to the playroom, I pull out the blue and yellow suitcase pushed in the back of the closet. I don't remember when I bought it, honestly, but it's come in handy a few times. I start with the clothes. I make sure to pack warm and light. I don't fully know what to expect of this place. I've seen photos and done research. The photos look nice. There are pictures from past years when the camp was being used and it looks like a lovely place, but as the owner says, it hasn't been used in two summers. He's looking to revamp.

I move to the changing table next and grab a little bit of everything. Handful of diapers, wipes, cream, powder. I pack up a couple of toys too, outside of his beloved stuffies. When I open the final drawer in the dresser, I pause.

Bottles and pacifiers stare back at me. Those two moments when Austin was sleeping with his thumb in his mouth flash through my mind. The way he's been regressing younger, messing up his words one time or another. My hand hovers over them before deciding to grab one of each.

Just in case.

The thought of caring for Austin with bottles, holding him while he sucks on a paci or even uses me as a paci takes over my brain. I definitely have to talk to him about it. Even if it's just a scene that we do. I'm more than content with him the way he is. He's perfect. I just can't shake the vision of it and I know I won't until we talk it out.

I zip up the suitcase and take both bags downstairs and set them by the front door. We'll be heading out around eight in the morning. It's a two hour drive and I figure we can stop and grab breakfast on the way. I'm hoping that the Friday after Thanksgiving isn't too bad traffic wise.

I look over at Austin, curled up on the couch fast asleep. I smile and walk over to brush his hair out of his face. It's close to three and he had a long morning so I'll let him sleep for another hour. I know he's going through a lot and naps seem to be his coping mechanism. I hope that by the new year, things will settle for him.

The movie is still playing softly in the background and I sit at Austin's feet to watch it. I massage his toes, up to his ankles. He doesn't stir once as the movie finishes out. I didn't eat much at lunch and my stomach is starting to rumble so I head to the kitchen to make a couple of sandwiches. One for myself and one for Austin when he wakes up .

I'm halfway through my sandwich when Austin shuffles in. Sleepy-eyed and hair ruffled. My heart swells up again at the sight of him. I love him so much. I set the food down on the plate and open my arms for him. He walks right into me, pressing me back against the counter with a small 'oof'.

"Sorry I fell asleep," he says. "I didn't realize I was that tired."

"It's okay." I rub his back and motion my head to the plate. "I made you a sandwich. I also went ahead and packed up our stuff for this weekend."

"What time is it?" He picks up the sandwich and goes to take a big bite. I give him a single look and he changes the amount he bites off. It makes me smile.

"It's just after four," I say. "We have plenty of time before bed tonight."

He swallows his bite before answering. It's nothing fancy, just turkey and cheese. I added mayo and tomato to mine but wasn't sure how Austin preferred his.

"Can I ask you something?" Austin asks, his voice low. He's avoiding my eyes too, looking down at his sandwich.

"You can ask me anything if you look at me first," I say. I know he avoids eye contact when he's nervous about asking or saying something. I want him to come out of that habit, to gain some confidence. He's so much stronger than he realizes.

He squares his shoulders and looks at me. It's another beat of silence, though. I can see his jaw working, like he's practicing the words in his head first. I have no clue what he's about to ask, but when he does I'm not taken aback. I'm happy. More than.

"Can I move in with you?"

"If that's what you want," I say with a smile. "I'd love for you to."

"I do," Austin says. "I was just thinking about it and my lease runs out in January. Our talk earlier, about making every day worth it had me thinking. Before I fell asleep, that is. I love you and want to spend every day with you that I can. I don't want to wait until society thinks it's appropriate or… For something to happen."

I know that he's worried. His family got into his head and with his past, he's scared of the what ifs. I can assure him over and over again, but even I can't predict the future. I'm forty-one-years-old, time isn't slowing down for myself either. I love Austin, my family loves him. I don't want to wait either.

"We'll get it all sorted when we come back from the camp, okay?" I take this as my cue to be brave and ask what I've been thinking about for weeks now. "Can I ask you a question?"

"Yeah." He takes another bite of his sandwich and I wait for him to swallow before I speak. I take his hand and give a soft smile.

"This is something serious," I say. "It involves your regression and possibly a negotiation."

His expression changes and he tilts his head slightly. "Do you not…"

"Baby, let me talk before you start jumping to conclusions, okay?" I lead him to the living room and we settle on the couch. I keep his hand in mine. "I wanted to talk to you about something that I've noticed, something that I've been thinking about for a while. Last week, when you came home and went for a nap? I came into the playroom to wake you up and you were sucking your thumb. Then, on Saturday, you did the same thing. I know that your regression is usually in the playful stage, but have you ever regressed younger? Or, is that something you would be willing to try? "

"You would want that?" Austin's question surprises me. I'm expecting some hesitance, or maybe even embarrassment about me seeing him sucking his thumb. Instead, his shoulders relax and he's smiling. Just the corner of his lips are turned up, but still.

"I want you any way that you're comfortable," I say honestly. "The thought of giving you a bottle or pacifier, or you even using me as a pacifier, has been running through my mind since then. We can talk about what that means for us, together, and if you're comfortable with that."

"I tend to regress like that when I'm really stressed out or scared." Austin moves to sit on my lap. His fingers immediately start carding through my beard. "I don't mind it every now and then, but I do prefer the playful side. I love when we play together and make up stories. In the past, I sometimes would go nonverbal or very close to it. I didn't know if that is something you would be comfortable with. You're such the perfect Daddy playing with me and making me food and snacks."

"Well, if you ever want or need that, just know that I'm open to it okay?" Austin nods and I lean forward to kiss him.

"Would you want to try a scene tonight?" Austin surprises me once again. "I mean, I don't wan to spring that on you but we can if you want."

"What do you have in mind?" I ask. Austin sits up in my lap and smiles at me. I have no idea why I was worried about bringing this up to him. I can see that he's happy we're talking about this. The lack of hesitation and him suggesting a scene so soon gives me the answers I need. He needs this as much as I want it. Austin shrugs though at my question, but it's out of indecision, not worry. I decide to make a suggestion. "How about tonight, since you took this unplanned nap and I'm sure you might have a little trouble sleeping—"

"You said I would be fine, Daddy." His voice is taking on that playful nature.

"Well, I'm just thinking if you have some trouble sleeping, I could maybe fix you a bottle for bedtime and hold you until you fall asleep."

"I'd love that, Daddy." He kisses my cheek. "And if you feed me ice cream after dinner, I will definitely have trouble falling asleep."

"You and your ice cream," I say with a chuckle. Aussie giggles and kisses me once more. "We'll see if you eat all of your dinner first before we talk ice cream. If you change your mind at any point, Austin, just let me know."

"I will, Daddy. I love you."

"I love you too, baby. Now, how about we go play for a bit and I'll order us some food to the house tonight? Daddy doesn't feel like doing dishes the night before a vacation."

"Chinese!" Aussie shouts and bounces off my lap. Well, that answers that. He grabs my hand and we head back upstairs to the playroom.