Page 21 of A Tall Order (Shade Grown Coffee Boys #1)

This camp is awesome!

The cabin me and Daddy are sleeping in is shaped like a teepee! And there's a playground right outside and sand we can build castles in. It's awesome. I'm having so much fun, especially when Quinton and Luke arrive. We run around together, laughing and playing games.

The only not awesome thing is when Daddy has to go with the owner to look around. I put on my bravest face for him, but not having Daddy around feels different. Garrett gives me all kinds of toys to choose from and Quinton and Luke also share theirs. We play with the building blocks first, holed up in Garrett's cabin. It's a little stuffy with all six of us in the room, but I'm not allowed to go outside without Garrett. Daddy said so. It's been over an hour since he went to work.

"Aussie, do you want a snack?" Rachel asks me. She's making Quinton and Luke something to eat. I peek up at what she has sitting on the table. It's veggies. I scrunch my nose up and shake my head.

"Daddy packed me apple slices," I say, remembering my manners. Daddy told me before that if I don't like something, I should still be nice and ask for something else. He knows what I do and don't like though, but I try to remember to be good until he gets back. "Can I have those?"

I watch Garrett move to the cooler that Daddy left before he had to leave. The longer Garrett takes to look through it, the more I can feel my heartbeat in my chest. I don't like the feeling. Did Daddy forget to pack them for me? Or maybe he didn't care and just left me anyway. I knock over the pile of blocks we are building at that thought. Daddy promised he wasn't leaving me.

"Aussie." Quinton's Daddy, Vaughn, is sitting next to Quinton and he's looking at me. His eyes are a lot different than Daddy's. I don't like them. "Can you tell me why you knocked the tower over? You and Quinton were both working on it."

"I don't want to play with blocks now."

I look down at the rug under my legs. I can feel tears heating the back of my eyes, threatening to spill.

"Aussie?" Garrett's voice is quiet and right next to me. "Sorry it took me a minute. Your Daddy packed them way in the bottom. I got your slices and a juice. Do you want to come sit at the table and eat?"

I look up at Garrett and try to remember my manners. But he isn't Daddy and I just really want him.

I can't hold the tears back anymore and feel them falling down my cheeks before I can say another word. "I just want Daddy. "

"He'll be back in just a bit. Let's get you settled with the snack, okay?" Garrett holds out the apple slices. "I bet Riley will sit with you if you want."

I don't answer Garrett. I continue staring at the rug under me, at the space between my crisscrossed legs. I can hear Garrett and the others talking but I don't pay them any attention. I just want my Remi back. I shrug away when someone lays a hand on my shoulder. I know I'm being rude, but I… I don't like the thoughts inside my brain and the way my body feels. It's all itchy, like something bad is going to happen.

"I want Daddy," I mumble to whoever is sitting beside me.

"I know, Aussie. I'm going to call him for you, okay? How about you take this for now?" A sippy cup is put in my field of vision. I ignore the cup and start running my hand up and down the onesie that Daddy dressed me in. I'm also wearing a diaper. A thought crosses my mind.

I concentrate really hard. Daddy had me go potty before he left, but I know if I go again, he'll have to come back and clean me up. I can hear Quinton and Luke chatting at the table. The others are murmuring around me, but I still don't look up. I close my eyes and think of anything I can to make myself go potty again.

I sniffle through the tears that are still falling. I'm still clean, which should be a good thing, but it just means Daddy doesn't have a reason to come back to me. That makes me cry even harder and there's a new hand on my shoulder this time. It's Mommy Rachel. Her hand is smaller and I can feel her nails scratching my back.

"Aussie, honey, can you talk to me?" Her voice is calm and I know I'm being ugly. Daddy would tell me I need to apologize and remind me that I am a good boy. Every thought about him makes me miss him more.

"I want Daddy!" I say louder than I meant. I recoil into myself. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I just want my Daddy. I don't want him to leave me."

"He isn't leaving you, Aussie." Garrett is sitting in front of me now. He's younger than my Daddy but he's bigger. His muscles are big and he's taller too. His head is bald. He has a dark beard that is barely more than stubble. Not like Daddy's that I can run my fingers through. "He's coming back now, okay? I just called him."

Garrett's hands land on my knees. His hands are warm and comforting. Without a word, I climb into his lap and curl up against his chest. "I'm sorry for being mean." I mumble the words against his shirt, eyes still closed.

"It's okay, Aussie." He starts rocking us back and forth. I want to relax, but his smell is different from my Daddy. Still, I don't move. Something is slipped into my hand and I open it against my chest. It's a pacifier. I look up at Garrett who smiles down at me. "Your Daddy gave me that, just in case you needed it. See? It has an A on it, just for you."

There's a drawn on 'A' in Daddy's handwriting on the guard piece. I'm lifting it to my mouth when the door opens and my eyes flick over.

"Daddy!" I scramble from Garrett's lap and fling myself at him. He looks exactly like he did an hour ago. No scratches, bumps, booboos. "I'm sorry. I tried to be good. I just— I missed you too much. I got scared."

"I'm here now," he says. His hand runs down the side of my face and I lean into his touch. I don't bother looking back when he talks to the others in the room. "We're going to go to our cabin for a bit."

I don't pull away from Daddy as we walk from Garrett's cabin to our own. Not even once we're inside and he locks the door.

"Baby, can you look at me?" Daddy's voice is soft and I do as he asks. "What happened? I wasn't gone that long."

"I got scared that you weren't coming back," I say honestly. "Rachel had veggies and Garrett couldn't find the apple slices. I thought you didn't pack them and that you didn't care. Then my brain told me that you weren't coming back and I got really sad and scared."

"Aussie, I made you a promise that I wasn't going to leave you and I mean that. We talked about me having to work this weekend so sometimes you might have to play with the others without me, but Garrett is there to help you."

"He doesn't smell the same," I whine. I look up at Daddy and I know I'm pouting.

"How about we lay down for a bit, okay?" Daddy leads me to the side of the bed. His hoodie I took off earlier is still on the bed. He strips me of everything but the diaper and puts the hoodie back on me. It still smells like him and I can feel my brain relaxing. I realize I still have the paci in my hand when we settle under the blanket. "Do you want to use that? You can if you want, that's why I brought it, Aussie. Or…" He pauses and adjusts the blanket so half his chest is revealed. I snuggle in close to him automatically, finding comfort in laying my cheek on his shoulder. "You can use me, if you want."

I look up at him, confused.

"I'm okay with it, Aussie. I told you; whatever you need. If you want to suck your thumb or the paci or… me, that's fine. Ta ke whatever you need, baby. I just want you to feel better and know that I'm not leaving you. Not today, tomorrow, or ever."

I blink at him, letting his words register. My eyes travel down his chest and then look at the paci. I've used a paci before, but being as close to Daddy as I can is what I want. I throw the piece of plastic over my shoulder and kiss him. "I want you, Daddy."

Daddy shifts to adjust our position slightly. I hesitate for just a moment before I cuddle against his body, my face on his chest. I part my lips just slightly and wrap them around his nipple. My tongue lathes around the bud, relaxing at the feeling of it. Daddy's one arm holds me close and his other hand brushes the hair off my forehead.

"I love you so much, Aussie." Daddy whispers the word, his breath hitching when I suck on his chest. His arm squeezes me a little tighter. "Good boy. Take what you need, baby."

My body finally relaxes. I'm here, with Daddy, closer to him than even when we have sex. I can hear each of his heartbeats with my ear pressed to his chest, feel the rise of fall of his breathing. I slot my leg over his and run my hand not trapped between our bodies through the hair on the rest of his body. It's perfect.

I fall asleep like that shortly after.

When I wake up, the windows are much darker. I'm still cuddled up to Remi, my head on his chest. His fingers carding through my hair is what woke me up. I shift, turning slowly to face Remi. He smiles lazily at me. "Good nap?" He asks like he does every time I wake up from a nap.

"The best," I say. Memories come flooding back to me about how I acted while Remi was trying to work. I feel bad and I know I'll need to apologize to the others. The memories of suckling on Remi's chest comes back too and that is a whole other feeling that sends waves of heat over me. "Um, did we…?"

"Yes, Aussie." Remi's smile is even wider now. "How do you feel about that?"

"I…" I loved it. It was exactly what I needed and the fact that Daddy was the one that offered and helped me calm down and knew what I needed is overwhelming in all the best ways. "I really liked it. How did you know?"

Daddy brushes my hair back off my forehead. "After last night, I figured there was a chance you might need something like that again. I made sure that Garrett was prepared. I told him where the pacifier was just in case. I know you got scared, baby, but I promise that even if I'm not right there with you, I will always make sure you're taken care of."

"But I was still mean to them," I say, remembering how I knocked over the toys and made that face at Rachel's food. "I need to apologize."

"You will," Remi says. "But they also understand. I wasn't leaving you with someone that didn't know what was going on, baby."

"You're the best," I say, overwhelmed with emotions once again. Good emotions this time. I kiss across his chest and then scoot myself up to meet his lips with mine. "I didn't mess up your work stuff, did I? "

"Not a bit," he says. "We walked around the field and I took some measurements and then made our way through a few of the other cabins before Garrett called me. I was just on the other side of the field and told Eugene I needed to go help find something I had packed away. He decided to go home for the evening, so we'll explore the rest tomorrow."

"I promise I'll be good tomorrow," I say earnestly. I sit up and Remi mirrors my position, our backs against the headboard. I reach over to the bedside table where I left my notebook earlier. I flip to a page labeled 'Daddy's Promises' and tilt the page so he can read it. I smile when he starts laughing at the mix of random and serious promises he's told me since I started this journal. They range from 'I promise to never leave you' to 'I promise you can have ice cream after dinner if you pick up your toys now'.

I drop the notebook to the bed and turn my head to kiss Remi.

"I love you too, Aussie. My sweet Boy." Remi deepens the kiss until we break apart for air. "No matter what happens, I'll always be right here for you."

I open my mouth to say something equally as cheesy to him, like I know he can't promise me that because no one can predict the future, but my stomach chooses that moment to growl at me for refusing a snack earlier. Our bubble of shared feelings is broken by Remi's laughter and me poking my stomach and admonishing it for ruining the moment.

"Lets go see if the others are ready for dinner, okay? Do you want to stay in these clothes or change?"

From an outsider, it looks like I'm only wearing pajamas. It's comfy, too. I decide to stay in the outfit for now and we head outside. The others are running around on the playground and Daddy lets me run to join them.

I give them each an apology before we all start playing Pirates. Daddy only lets us play for a few minutes, though, before we get into our cars and head to the kitchen. Garrett brought dinner for us to share tonight, which ends up being cheeseburgers and fries. I know my Daddy is cooking tacos tomorrow night. Rachel is set to make breakfast tomorrow morning and Vaughn has lunch covered.

We spend the whole time eating talking about what we can do tomorrow. I know I'm going to miss having Daddy while he's working, but I'm learning to be brave. I have a lot of stuff to be brave about when we go back home, from family to work.

Knowing that I no longer have to do all of that alone, though, is the best part.

I turn to the side and smile at Remi, my heart so full and happy that I imagine it's inside my chest doing my famous butt-wiggle dance.