Page 32 of A Summer House on Arran (Scottish Romances #3)

When Olivia opened her eyes the next morning, she immediately felt a sense of dread wash over her.

She could vaguely remember going to bed with Kitty’s help.

She knew that she had drunk far too much.

The inside of her mouth felt furry, and she reached to take a sip from the glass of water Kitty must have left at the side of her bed.

What an angel she was. Her head throbbed so hard that she had to close her eyes again.

There was a swirl of nausea in her stomach.

Worst of all was that her anxiety was back with a vengeance.

She thought she’d managed to get it under control these past few weeks since leaving home.

She’d felt so much better about things, probably because she was in control and didn’t feel so scared.

But she knew that last night’s drinking spree would have sent her body’s cortisol levels soaring.

Now her body was overly stressed again , and she just wanted to bury herself under the covers and hide.

If only she could rewind the clock. If only they hadn’t gone to the rescue of that woman who hurt her ankle on the hill.

If only she hadn’t started to let her anger get the better of her, and started mouthing off about the woman’s terrible boyfriend.

If only, if only . . . There was no point raking over it.

What was done was done, and she would have to face Kitty and Logan at some point, and apologise and explain. They must think she was mad.

She tossed and turned for a while but couldn’t get back to sleep.

Instead she threw the covers back and slowly swung her legs round, sitting for a moment on the edge of the bed.

Then she took a cold shower, which helped wake her up a bit, pulled on some fresh clothes and went to find Kitty, who was enjoying an al fresco breakfast.

‘Hey, you, how are you feeling?’ asked Kitty, looking up.

‘A bit yuck,’ admitted Olivia. She pulled a chair out from the table.

‘Can I get you a coffee? Or a peppermint tea?’ Kitty stood up.

‘A peppermint tea would be great, thanks. I’m feeling a bit fragile this morning. Sorry, Kitty, I don’t want to interrupt your breakfast.’

‘I’m all done, don’t worry.’

‘I’m so sorry if I did or said anything to offend you or upset you.’

‘You didn’t,’ said Kitty. ‘Let me sort your tea out for you and then we can talk. If you want to, of course.’

‘Thank you,’ said Olivia gratefully. While she waited for Kitty to make her tea, she watched the bees buzzing in and out of the lavender plants that bordered the lawn.

They were mesmerising to watch, and she found her breathing slow down as she gazed at them, listening to them busy themselves with their work.

‘Here you go.’ Kitty placed a mug in front of her. ‘And some toast too, just in case you feel up to it.’

‘Great,’ said Olivia. ‘I feel terrible. I am sorry.’

‘No need to keep apologising,’ said Kitty, dismissing her comments with a wave of her hand. ‘We’ve all been there. But I do worry about you. I know we don’t know each other that well, but you were drinking a lot last night and, well, you just seemed so angry .’

Olivia was mortified.

‘It’s okay,’ Kitty said. ‘I just wondered if there’s something on your mind.’

Olivia clutched her head in her hands and groaned. ‘There’s so much going on and I feel as though my brain’s about to explode.’

‘Look, why don’t you have your tea? I’m here if you want to chat, but please don’t feel you need to.’

Olivia spread some butter on a piece of toast, closed her eyes and bit into it, enjoying the salty taste of the warm bread.

She didn’t feel under any pressure to share anything with Kitty, but the difference was that she wanted to.

She felt at ease in her company, and she actually trusted her, which was a lot for Olivia to admit.

Taking a sip of tea, she looked at Kitty thoughtfully.

‘I’m sure you must have noticed how annoyed I got when I heard that woman’s boyfriend had walked away and left her.

I just get so angry when I hear how men get away with treating their partners.

It’s so frustrating.’ She looked at Kitty sitting opposite, her hands clutched around a mug.

Kitty didn’t say anything, but instead gave her a reassuring nod.

‘I get so angry because I can see myself in these women. The people pleaser. The woman who thinks she can make a difference to her rogue man. The woman who’s too embarrassed to admit her partner’s a bully, because somehow she thinks that it’s her fault.

’ She paused to reach into her pocket for a tissue, and noisily blew her nose.

‘That’s me,’ she said to Kitty. ‘I’m all of these and more.

Not so long ago I was that woman from yesterday.

Sara. I was the one who was afraid to speak out because I didn’t want to criticise my boyfriend.

I thought his behaviour was normal and that it was all my fault.

’ She had another drink from her mug. ‘My self-esteem was in shreds, and it was all thanks to my ex.’

‘Is that Patrick?’ asked Kitty.

‘Yes,’ she said in surprise. ‘How did you know?’

‘You mentioned his name a few times last night when I was helping you get into bed.’

Olivia raised her eyebrow. ‘Oh dear.’

‘Don’t worry, you didn’t really allude to much. I just got the impression he wasn’t your favourite person.’

‘That would be right,’ admitted Olivia. ‘I guess when I see others in the same position I was in, I get angry because I want them to be braver than I was. I want them to wake up and run and get out of there — before it’s too late.’

Kitty stood up and walked round to sit beside Olivia. ‘What you’ve told me is really brave. I know it’s not easy. I’m so sorry that you’ve been through all of that.’

Olivia twirled a strand of hair in one hand.

‘I’m not sure it ever ends. I mean, I felt so much better after my trip to Italy.

I started to get a bit of perspective, you know?

And then coming here really did feel like a fresh start.

But then I was stupid enough to check my voicemails the other night in the pub.

He left several abusive messages on my phone, asking who I thought I was and where the hell was I.

I couldn’t think straight, so I ran from the pub and realised I’d left my bag behind.

Poor Logan, I’m afraid he incurred my wrath that night. ’

‘You haven’t done anything wrong, Olivia. Nothing at all.’

Olivia was unable to speak, but she nodded her head gratefully at Kitty.

She sipped her tea, then took a bite of toast and chewed thoughtfully for a minute.

‘I thought I was getting there, Kitty,’ she whispered.

‘But it feels like I’m back there and at my most vulnerable.

Yesterday scared me. If I had come across that boyfriend of Sara’s, I’m worried about what I might have done to him. ’

‘But you don’t need to worry about that. You didn’t come across him. You helped a vulnerable young woman and made her feel seen, and you just never know. Maybe she’ll find the courage to leave her boyfriend thanks to your pep talk.’

Olivia nodded gratefully. ‘I’m just so sorry about all of it, especially last night. I really hope I didn’t create too much of a scene.’

‘You were fine,’ Kitty said. ‘Logan came to make sure you got home safely.’

She groaned and sunk lower into her seat. ‘I’ll get in touch later with him to apologise. And thank you. I don’t know if you’ll ever realise what you’ve done for me. I can’t even begin to tell you how much I appreciate it, and you and Logan making sure I got home safely.’

Kitty shrugged. ‘That’s what friends are for.’

Olivia sat for a minute, wondering if she should open up and tell her just how frightened of Patrick she was and how that had triggered yesterday’s downward spiral.

Sharing this story was not going to be easy, yet somehow she felt that Kitty was the right person to tell it to.

‘The truth is that I had to leave Patrick. Because . . . I have no doubt that if I hadn’t run when I did, I wouldn’t be here. ’

‘What do you mean when you say that you wouldn’t be here?’ asked Kitty gently.

Olivia steepled her hands together and stared at Kitty. ‘Just that. If I hadn’t run when I did, I would be dead. I really think that Patrick would have killed me.’