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Tiiran was too well-pleasured and distracted to consider Orin’s words properly until he was dressed again and somewhat clean, spread across Orin’s lap with his face at Orin’s neck to make sure any other ducklings around the country knew Tiiran existed. What Orin had meant still did not truly sink in until Orin finally sighed heavily and said, “I mean it this time, kitten. I must go. I should have left already,” and lifted Tiiran from his lap.
Tiiran licked his lips and glared sleepily up at him while Orin propped him against the desk, and his glare did not lessen when Orin reached for his pack and sword—which he had brought in with him but Tiiran hadn’t paid close attention at the time, busy being efficiently undressed by Nikoly, and then tied up by Orin under Nikoly’s rapt attention.
The rope was now coiled and on the desk. For Nikoly to use on Tiiran if he had to, Orin had said, smiling. He’d also said, not smiling, that maybe if it was there, Tiiran would be reassured to know it wasn’t being used on any other ducklings.
Which had led to Tiiran putting a small love-bruise on Orin the way he had on Nikoly. Orin had seemed confused by Tiiran’s insistence but hadn’t said no. Stupid of him to be confused; aside from Tiiran’s feelings on the matter, Orin could not entertain ducklings on the road who didn’t know their place because it would make Nikoly worry over his place. Tiiran wanted any other ducklings to know that only Tiiran had the right to mark Orin. Nikoly would accept that but want to be better than the rest, and Nikoly had enough to do at the moment than worry about that. Nikoly was determined to be the favorite. Perhaps Orin didn’t realize how determined yet, still too dazzled by his pretty face.
But Tiiran stopped himself before he could try to explain all of that to Orin again, finally catching up to what Orin had been telling him.
“Is there Outguard business now? Now ? What could there possibly be?”
“Things must still be observed and recorded, especially now.” Orin was dressed and his hair neat, but he stopped to pull his hair loose and tie it up again, his movements sharp. “Is that not so, Tiiran of the Great Library?”
“Yes, but, Orin—” Tiiran stopped short, for he had no way to deny that argument. “Nikoly?”
Nikoly slipped back in the door, Gray slipping in with him and trotting over to the fireplace without hesitation to lie down on the rug before the dying fire. Nikoly barely seemed to notice. He held a wrapped bundle of food, which he handed to Orin, and a cup, which he gave to Tiiran. Tiiran immediately set it onto the desk, not about to be placated with tea.
“But it’s dangerous now,” Tiiran finally managed. “ More dangerous,” he added, because it had been dangerous for some time and Orin had hidden how dangerous from him.
Orin briefly closed his eyes. Nikoly met Tiiran’s furious stare and Tiiran faltered, not certain if, or how, he’d upset Nikoly too.
“Now you know a fraction of what I will feel knowing you are here and yet I still have to leave.” Orin picked up his sword and slung the belt into position over his back.
Tiiran’s heart skipped. “I’m not going to do anything. You told me to be careful and I have been.”
Nikoly coughed pointedly.
“I have,” Tiiran insisted. “I haven’t been dealing with the beat-of-fours. I don’t look at or speak to palace guards. I was snippy with some Master Keepers but that hardly matters.”
“ Snippy .” Orin narrowed his eyes, then growled to himself and put the food Nikoly had given him into his pack.
“I said some things that might be deemed troublesome,” Tiiran admitted, “but only to you and Nikoly.”
Orin shared a long look with Nikoly, then turned to Tiiran. “You aren’t making this easier. If I hadn’t promised, if people weren’t counting on me, I’d say fuck the Outguard right now. Nikoly-pet,” Orin didn’t look away from Tiiran, “it won’t be easy for you. I’ll return as soon as I can so you can rest.”
Nikoly straightened. “Don’t add to your risk by acting hastily.”
“Risk?” Tiiran seized on the word, voice rising when Orin picked up his pack. “Orin! Orin, you only just gave me this! You can’t take it away.”
“Kitten.” Orin breathed it against Tiiran’s ear, for Tiiran’s back was suddenly against the wall, his feet off the floor while Orin held him tight. “You must stay quiet, for me, and for Nikoly. You must bite your tongue and look away instead of glaring. Please. Leave any library visitors to him and stay here in your office.”
“This isn’t my…”
“Stay here, with your head in a book, or on the top floor to dust shelves. For me. Please .” It was a rasp. “I will return soon. I promise. I will scale the palace walls if the entrance is barred.”
“Do not,” Tiiran demanded immediately instead of calling that bullshit what it was. “You have to come back to our room and you can’t do that if you are dead or captive.”
Orin set Tiiran carefully onto his feet but didn’t let go. “ Our room ?”
“Well, it….” Tiiran glanced to Nikoly, who watched them both with bright focus. “It feels right.” Tiiran would have rubbed his chest over his heart if his hands had been free. “Wrong for you to go and right for you to be there. Both,” he said, slow and achy. “Both of you. In our room. You will not come back here just to return to those fucking barracks. You’re ours.”
Orin put his chin on Tiiran’s head, and for several moments, it felt as if all of his weight was against Tiiran and Tiiran would have staggered if the wall hadn’t already been at his back. Orin exhaled heavily. “What are you doing to me, kitten? I’m not invincible.”
Tiiran looked to Nikoly again. “I don’t understand.”
Nikoly stepped forward to put a hand to Orin’s back. “I think Orin was also a stray, of a kind, and didn’t realize it until you called him back home. You are spiky, bee, but you’re warmer and more giving than you know.”
Orin pulled in a breath and took his weight from Tiiran. “Enjoyed that, did you, pup?” he asked without raising his head. “I suppose I deserved it.”
“The barracks are not a kennel or a mews,” Tiiran pointed out, aware Nikoly and Orin were speaking of roses again but almost understanding them. “But they are also no place for Orin. If they were, he would never have come to the library so much. Like you with your family, Nikoly, you love them, but you chose to leave them to come here. So if you both say you are mine, then it is our room. Our room where you belong and where you will return. It feels right, as I said. It doesn’t tangle.”
Nikoly bowed his head, not concealing his pleasure even a little. “Yes, Tiiran.”
“Yes, Tiiran.” Orin punctuated his agreement with a kiss to Tiiran’s ear. But then he was away again, calm and watchful and already turning to pick up the pack he’d discarded in order to pin Tiiran to the wall. “I’d kiss you farewell, but I would find it too hard to stop. I have to go, or I never will.” He put out a hand before Tiiran could argue. “I will go, and I will do my duty, and I will return—to our room, bossy cat. Though I will have to stop at the barracks before I go and when I come back—and no,” he added this in the same firm, not at all playful tone, “you cannot join me there. The other outguards have enough to scare them right now without thinking you’re coming after them for report corrections.”
“I have the authority to demand corrections?” Tiiran gasped, momentarily lost in the possibility of getting outguards to clarify their terrible handwriting.
The distraction must have been deliberate, because Orin was out the door before Tiiran had shaken himself from the daydream.
Tiiran darted after him, followed closely by Nikoly, who didn’t try to pull him back.
The moment Tiiran and Nikoly rounded a corner in Orin’s wake, Niksa was there, fretting. “Should we leave?”
Tiiran came up short, looking over the library, which was all but abandoned except for a handful of assistants and one scholar. All of them, including the scholar, looked to Tiiran. Orin stopped at the doors as if he also needed to hear Tiiran’s answer.
“I’m not making anyone stay,” Tiiran offered. “Of course I’m not. There’s nothing to do now but clean, and that can wait. Where’s Mattin?” He shook his head to dismiss his own question; Mattin could be rooted out later. “Never mind. You can leave whenever you like, whatever your reasons. Of course you can. The only ones who should be here, the Master Keepers, are—” he saw Orin stiffen “—aren’t here,” Tiiran finished quickly. “But I said this before. Has something changed?”
“Reli from the kitchen gardens said the capital is emptying, and that the nobles remaining in town are questioning Piya’s plans for them if he will take a pregnant Jola Canamorra with no proof of any wrongdoing.” Niksa said it far more quietly than Tiiran would have thought to.
“There’s no proof?” Nikoly pressed. “You’re sure?”
“I don’t know!” Niksa muttered, flailing. “Reli said it, said it was what everyone outside the palace was saying. That if he had proof, Piya would announce it.”
“So people inside the palace are also saying it,” Nikoly concluded grimly. “So Piya will hear if he hasn’t already.”
“People always say things.” Tiiran tossed his head. “Yet they didn’t predict the troubles last time, did they? Those also occurred with no proof of anything.” Merely the whims of Tye, but Tiiran held it back and was almost pleased with himself. “Do what you feel is best, Niksa, but you’re welcome here if you have no place to go. In fact, someone will need to check on the mousers if I forget.” He gave Niksa and the others a distracted nod and then continued chasing a stubborn bear.
The stubborn bear turned toward Tiiran, eyes narrowed to watch his approach, but also opened the door as if intending to continue on whether or not Tiiran followed him.
“Why does it matter if there is proof?” Tiiran asked Nikoly as he hurried to catch up with Orin. Nikoly was close behind him. “Rulers make up the truth if they can’t find one they like.” Lanth had died for the truth and Tye had lied anyway, for all the good it had done her. “If Piya wants to execute Jola of the Canamorra, then he will. And he probably will.”
Nikoly sucked in a breath.
“Don’t be shocked,” Tiiran said—quietly, he thought. “It’s what every ruler in my lifetime has done, evidence or not. He didn’t follow through at first because people witnessed it, and maybe because of who she is, or the child, or her having another child on the way, so there was an outcry. But the moment that dies down, or after he arrests and possibly executes anyone who might speak in defense of her, he will kill her. And if he really believes she is a threat, then he’s going to go for her friends and probably her siblings too, right? That’s how nobles who want to be ruler do things.” Of that, Tiiran was certain. “Her child might be spared. With any other noble family, it would be more possible. But with that family? The one family that no other beat-of-fours could argue don’t belong on the throne because they fucking founded it?”
Nikoly grabbed Tiiran’s robe and pulled. “ Tiiran .”
Tiiran dipped beneath Orin’s arm to get out the door first and stand in Orin’s path. “But not even a stupid ruler would outright kill a noble child if they want the support of other noble houses,” Tiiran finished, practically whispering. “So, it’s more likely Piya will arrange an accident, or neglect the child to death so he can claim it was an accident or some such nonsense. People do that with children they don’t want around. Nobles especially do that.” Tiiran could hear the bitterness in his voice and glanced to Nikoly. “Perhaps not all nobles, Nikoly. I’m sorry.”
“What the fuck,” Nikoly said in a high, strained voice, and it was his tone as much as hearing him talk as crudely as Tiiran did that made Tiiran give him a deeper look. But Nikoly was facing away, scanning the corridor with his lower lip between his teeth.
Tiiran turned to Orin, and for the second time in only a few moments, was dragged from his feet and pressed to a wall with Orin large and implacable in front of him. Except this time, Orin was shaking and breathing hard.
He glared into Tiiran’s face.
“You have to get him out of the palace,” Orin ground out, evidently speaking to Nikoly. “Tonight at the latest.”
“What? Wait.” Tiiran put his hands on Orin and pushed uselessly. “No.”
Orin leaned in, growling for only Tiiran to hear. “If he will order the death of a noble child, you think he’d hesitate at a librarian of no family?”
Tiiran’s head swam and deep breaths did not clear it. “You think I’m right?” He didn’t know why he’d asked it. It didn’t matter.
Orin shuddered. “You are so good at understanding systems, but not danger . Never danger.”
“He just asked you to be careful.” Nikoly scolded Tiiran fiercely, then added—to Orin, “I don’t think anyone heard. Those guards are too far away.”
Tiiran tried to peer around Orin to see any guards and Orin thumped him gently—but not too gently—into the wall again. “No. Head down, I said. You trust us with your body and your pleasure, but not this?”
“I whispered it,” Tiiran insisted. “Surely everyone in the palace knows what I said already, or will realize it soon. Anyway, the truth is only dangerous to the weak.”
“And the weak can still be dangerous,” Orin returned, and then confused Tiiran by pressing a slow kiss to his forehead, then lingering there to whisper, “Not everyone is as strong as you. I’m supposed to just leave you here and not have worry eat me alive?”
A knot filled Tiiran’s chest. He tried to breathe in but the air stuck in his throat with a pained gasp.
“I’m sorry,” he hiccupped, not crying, although it felt as if he was. “I’m too much to be around, I know. It’s all right. You can leave and not worry about me. I’d understand. I would.” It wouldn’t even be new, except for the warmth he’d felt earlier between them, or the warmth in their—in his bed. “You should probably go. I’m sorry.”
If his voice hadn’t grown so small, if it hadn’t cracked in the middle of his words, he might have offered a better apology. But he got no chance to try. Orin hauled Tiiran against him until Tiiran had to hold on or fall, and then kissed him, stealing Tiiran’s breath and his senses. When Tiiran thought Orin might spare him, Orin kissed him again, mean and hard and furious.
Tiiran’s mouth felt bruised by the time Orin dropped him to his feet. Then Orin’s hands were on his face once more and Orin followed the harsh kiss with another. Tiiran whined, burning with embarrassment and confusion to be taking hard kisses in a corridor for anyone to see and lifted like a poppet, his cock throbbing and his mouth raw.
Orin squeezed him, hands unrelenting on Tiiran’s backside before coming up to his shoulders to hold him still.
Tiiran fought to get his eyes open. “Punishment?” he asked, stinging and flushed, unsure if he liked it or not.
“Kitten.” Orin’s voice was hoarse. “Unless you come with me now, I can’t protect you. You’ll have to listen to Nikoly. He has chosen this danger, and you will not insult him by denying that, or implying that he should leave you. Not again.”
“Orin,” Nikoly protested softly, but Tiiran swallowed before turning to look at Nikoly, shining and anxious next to them.
“I’m sorry, Lyli.” Tiiran swallowed again, tongue out to test his bruised lips. “I didn’t mean to insult you.”
Nikoly slipped in closer to them, pressing a kiss to Tiiran’s cheek, then the side of his mouth. “I will prove myself to you in time. But first, I must keep you safe and well. And I will do so. With my life,” he added with a look up to Orin.
Orin took a hand from Tiiran to cup Nikoly’s chin, his thumb sweeping slowly over his jaw. “Good boy.”
Nikoly shivered and breathed harder, his lips slightly parted.
“I only need to meet someone,” Orin assured him, petting Nikoly until his shivers stopped. “I can return quickly, but more likely, I’ll wait and then follow you. He will fight you. He will argue. I… maybe I should take him with me. I don’t want him to wound you when his fear becomes temper, which it will.”
Tiiran opened his mouth but had no words. Nikoly was worried too, and Orin had calmed him as he had not calmed Tiiran. Orin should calm Nikoly; Nikoly didn’t deserve Tiiran’s foolishness. But maybe they were calming each other, making silent promises Tiiran would never understand. Or perhaps it was only that Orin knew better than Tiiran how to reward someone like Nikoly.
Nikoly gazed up at Orin and wouldn’t look away. “That’s why he trusts you as he does. You aren’t only concerned for those you care about; you act to protect them. But that’s why you must go now, and why you know you can’t take Tiiran with you. He’s not a fighter, not as you are.” He wrapped a graceful, flowered hand around Orin’s wrist. “He won’t make it easy for me, but I have never liked easy.”
“He’s impossible,” Orin agreed. “But I have to trust you with the challenge, pup. You’ll be good for me. I know you will.”
“For you both,” Nikoly agreed, almost demurely. “As Tiiran said.”
“I am insignificant,” Tiiran cut in, unable to raise his voice. “Certainly not worth this fuss.”
He got the full of attention of both of them, a fierce, furious beast and a roused, eager hunting dog, and it stopped whatever else he might have said.
“The king who puts banners in the library to remind people he is king does not think the library insignificant,” Orin said.
As if he and Orin knew each other’s thoughts, Nikoly finished them. “You are the library, Tiiran.”
“What?” It was more of a creak than a word.
Orin left him to sputter.
“Did anyone in the library hear any of that little speech?” he asked Nikoly, before adding, quickly and quietly, “Now come closer, as though we are all lovers saying goodbye.”
They were , Tiiran would have said, only then to become aware of the rattle of armor as the palace guards must have moved, perhaps coming closer or perhaps moving on.
Nikoly burrowed against Orin’s side, and Tiiran could not stop staring at the sight of all his colors and beauty next to Orin’s sturdy, dark Outguard garb and sheer size. Both , he thought again, his heart kicking against his too-tight chest. Both of them together. That was the only thing keeping the tangle from stopping Tiiran’s heart entirely.
“Possibly,” Nikoly answered Orin very softly, unaware of Tiiran’s pain. “There was only a scholar and the assistants. They might pass on his words, as gossip likely and not maliciously, but they might. It could get out.”
Piya the child murderer , Tiiran thought with distracted viciousness, it should get out.
“Tiiran,” Orin growled as if Tiiran’s face had showed him Tiiran’s thoughts, “what are you doing to us?”
Tiiran wanted them to stay and had said so. Then he had told them they could leave him because they said they must leave. They were the ones causing this, the ones who spoke of taking Tiiran with them, of not ever leaving him again.
He pushed his way between them, his head down, his hands gripping both coarse and fine cloth so they couldn’t go. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be like her. I’ll do as you say. Just like in bed play when I say ‘Yes, Orin.’ And in the library, when Nikoly directs me as he pleases.” He could barely breathe. “I’ve never had anything before. I’m sorry. I won’t be like her.” He raised his head and whatever else he meant to say was forgotten as he found Nikoly’s mouth and kissed it softly. Tiiran dragged himself from one mouth to find another, tugging Orin down to meet him, then returned to give Nikoly one last kiss before dropping his head again. He was trembling. “I’m sorry. I suppose you will say that I’m scared in addition to foolish.”
“Not afraid of kings or the fae.” Orin put a heavy hand to Tiiran’s neck, calming Tiiran again at last. “Only of hurting us.”
“He’ll also be leaving all he knows,” Nikoly added gently. “I am sorry for that, bee.”
Tiiran shook his head to deny it. “It’s a building, and it’s the country, and it’s mine, but I didn’t mean to act like she did. I’m not like her. I couldn’t be because, I would never—” He looked up when Orin began to pet him. “I’ll be afraid, Orin. Nikoly will be too, as well as tired, because I’m trouble.” He scowled at their expressions although they were the ones to say it and they were right. “So you must find us when you are done. To make it right, to make the tangle go away. I only ever feel that when you are gone or when you are displeased with me, either of you.” He glanced to Nikoly. “Then you take it away for me, and I thought it was on purpose, and it is; Orin, you are clever and Nikoly is scheming.” Nikoly frowned slightly but Tiiran shook his head for that too. “But also it happens when I am alone with you, and it is best when we are like this. Just like this.” Close, like lovers. “Whatever it is, it’s good and you both must like it too, to be with me even though I am bothersome and dangerous.”
Tiiran jerked a finger in the air to point at each of them when he thought they would argue. “I keep trying to tell you that it is there and it is there the most when you are with me, with us . So you must find us, Orin. That is that.”
Orin cupped his cheek, which silenced him, and stared down at Tiiran until Tiiran felt as easily crushable as one of his dried petals.
“As Tiiran says,” Nikoly agreed, drawing Orin’s gaze to him.
Then Orin’s hand slid away and he stepped back. “Kitten, you should think on what you feel so that you can better tell us about it. Learn its name. That is my instruction for you while I’m away. And to listen to Nikoly. Serve him well by heeding his suggestions. Now, I will leave. Don’t follow me. Don’t make me have to leave you again.”
“But, Orin,” Tiiran said anyway, but said no more when Orin started to frown. Tiiran didn’t want to wound him again, although he didn’t see how his worry could do that.
“You will serve him well by living,” Nikoly said softly when Orin was gone.
Orin had not turned back.
“And by not doubting his word,” Nikoly continued, exhaling in surprise when Tiiran pushed against him in a rough hug.
“Do you know what it is I feel?” Tiiran wondered, voice thick as if he had the snuffles again. “He could have told me. He would have, before.”
“He only just discovered he has a home and it has already been taken from him,” Nikoly explained without scolding. “And he doesn’t have you to hold as I do.”
“I am no comfort,” Tiiran declared bitterly, because he could speak the truth about himself too.
“I must be patient with Tiiran,” Nikoly murmured to himself. Then he pulled away until he was staring into Tiiran’s wide eyes. “Did Orin not just tell you that you are strength itself?”
“No. He said…”
Nikoly shushed him. “You are resolute, brave, and fae-touched, which means you are dangerous. We accepted this long ago. Well, I know I did, and from how Orin speaks of you, I believe he did the same. But if you could just….” He sighed heavily. “You can’t. That’s what makes you so remarkable—and threatening. You won’t mean to fight me, but you will. I now understand why my teachers all said I’d appreciate their restraint one day. Very well. Give me your hand.”
Tiiran objected. “I’m small but I’m not a child who needs their hand held.”
“Perhaps I need my hand held,” Nikoly answered without a glance down, or a bat of an eyelash, or anything else that might have made Tiiran give in to him without thought. Tiiran held his hand out. Nikoly took it, then led Tiiran back into the library.
Table of Contents
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- Page 30 (Reading here)
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