Page 17

Nikoly presented Tiiran with a bag of roasted nuts mixed with dried cherries at the desk the next morning, not in front of everyone, but in front of enough of them. Po was the sole assistant who didn’t smirk or whistle. She made eye contact with Tiiran and smiled only after he’d accepted the bag. Tiiran’s face was on fire the whole time, which didn’t make him feel any better about his red, rough nose, especially next to Nikoly’s brilliance.

He remembered to thank Nikoly at least, publicly and then again, quieter, when they were side by side at the desk before Nikoly shooed Tiiran back to the office and the desk there for another day of rest. And water with lemon. And tea. And eventually, a spare robe of Mattin’s since Tiiran had not received his back from the palace laundry.

Mattin was the only one there near his size with robes to spare. This one was deep red, with embroidery at the hem and the cuffs—plain, by Mattin’s standards. It was also softer than anything Tiiran had ever owned or slept on.

Nikoly walked in on Tiiran rubbing the sleeve against his cheek when he came in with a tray for tea, calmly resuming their afternoon ritual as if Tiiran hadn’t been blushing and unable to look up whenever Nikoly had come near him.

Tiiran had gotten more work done than he’d expected that way, as had Niksa, which at least meant the snuffles were not the kind to linger for weeks. Nikoly seemed to think this was due to rest and all the tea. Tiiran had no argument there since he’d never rested this much while sick before, but it did seem to be working.

Nikoly wondered aloud why Tiiran would tell Niksa to rest but then not try to rest himself, and Tiiran told him, glancing away, cheeks hot, to shut up.

Undaunted, Nikoly then asked if Tiiran had liked the cherries.

“Relentless sunflower,” Tiiran grumbled back at him, and received a smile in reply that was so stunning, so stupefying, that he didn’t object to Nikoly leading him to the window seat until he was already sitting on it. “I was working.” Not on official work, but he’d been working.

“You can return to that after your break,” Nikoly returned sweetly, handing Tiiran a cup before sitting down next to him.

The window seat was warm now that the afternoon sun was shining in. It still needed a good clean. Or new cushions, but that would never happen.

Tiiran twitched at the forced inactivity, looked over to Nikoly, found Nikoly watching him, twitched again, and turned his attention to the rest of the room as he sipped his tea. The built-in shelves in this room might have been from before it was used as an office. He had no idea what the books on all the shelves were. If they were the personal property of some forgotten Master Keeper, he’d have to take the time to find out who and if they still wanted them, and if not, they’d all have to be read and then assigned locations—and copied, if no copies existed yet.

This room could always be returned to use as a part of the collection, as a slightly more private nook than most of the others, unless they removed the door. It was astonishingly quiet in the tucked-away room; even with the door open, no noise could be heard from outside.

While Tiiran was focusing with determination on that and not the person sitting next to him, Nikoly went to the desk and the tray to get two biscuits, one of which he handed to Tiiran before he sat down again. Butter biscuits flavored with orange peel weren’t Tiiran’s favorite, but it was probably what the kitchens had made that day. Tiiran ate it in two bites, mostly to keep himself from saying something about how close Nikoly was sitting or how Nikoly was staring at him, only to end up still and quiet when Nikoly reached over to slowly brush a crumb from the corner of his mouth for him.

“There,” he said softly, as if he couldn’t see Tiiran’s frozen, wide-eyed suffering before him. “Would you like this one too?” He held the biscuit level with Tiiran’s mouth as if Tiiran was supposed to eat from his hand.

Tiiran flinched back so fast he nearly sloshed tea onto Mattin’s robe. He was almost grateful since it meant he could take a while carefully putting the cup to the side. A quiet crunch meant Nikoly had bit into the biscuit himself. Which was fine. Nikoly deserved something nice, and maybe he preferred those biscuits and would lick away his own crumbs to enjoy that last hint of butter.

Which meant his mouth would taste of butter.

Tiiran turned back and loudly caught his breath at Nikoly in sunlight, looking as if he’d been dusted in gold. Then Nikoly used his tongue to get an invisible crumb from his lower lip. Tiiran didn’t whimper, but he wanted to.

Their legs were pressed together. Nikoly had sat even closer than before which Tiiran had noticed when he’d done it, but not while also thinking about Nikoly’s mouth, or Nikoly in this room yesterday asking if Tiiran would kiss him.

His eyes came up. Nikoly was watching him, his head tipped slightly toward Tiiran unless Tiiran imagined it. Nikoly licked his lip again, though surely all the crumbs were gone. Tiiran frowned over that even as he drifted closer and reached out.

It was the sight of his hand hovering in the space between them that returned him to his senses. Trying to touch Nikoly’s mouth instead of kissing it, like a true awkward fool who didn’t know what he was doing.

He jerked away to scowl at his hands twisting in his lap.

“Tiiran?”

He knew he would be faced with lovely confusion, possibly even hurt, but he looked anyway.

“Fuck.” It was worse than he’d imagined. He was reaching for Nikoly again without thought, Nikoly’s jaw against his palm within a heartbeat. Nikoly’s gaze didn’t even hold remorse, and that was probably calculated, but Tiiran couldn’t muster much irritation over it, because it could be real. He only managed a small, grumpy, “Couldn’t you just kiss me ?”

Nikoly pressed against his hand, eyes only for Tiiran. “Aren’t I pretty, Tiiran?” He was somehow closer, though that shouldn’t have been possible. “Don’t you want to kiss me?”

“It’s not fair,” Tiiran complained breathlessly. “The sun just finds you.”

He lunged forward before he could stop himself, his hand there more to steady himself than Nikoly, although Nikoly did flinch a bit at the sudden motion. Their mouths met, Tiiran’s pursed tight, Nikoly’s lips lush and soft in the moment Tiiran allowed himself to feel them before embarrassment pulled him away again.

“Sorry,” he said immediately, shoulders up to his ears.

Nikoly wrapped his fingers around Tiiran’s wrist and returned Tiiran’s hand to his jaw, then slid it up to his cheek. “I am not making fun of you,” he murmured before Tiiran could tug himself free. “I might tease you, but I’d never make fun of you. Not like that. Do you believe me?”

“You should.” Tiiran didn’t deserve the pity. “I’m not good at this sort of thing. I don’t play the games the others do. I don’t have lovers like Lanth did. You go into the capital and probably dozens want to kiss you each time. But there’s no life for me outside of the library.”

Nikoly turned to press his lips to Tiiran’s palm. “Do you believe me?”

“I don’t understand why you’d want this,” Tiiran answered honestly, then cringed because he could imagine Orin’s reaction to that . He suddenly, painfully needed Orin to walk through the door to tell him what to do. But Orin was gone, which was also Tiiran’s fault for being afraid. He took a breath. “Do you still want me to?”

His palm was kissed again, then Nikoly was leaning in and slightly down to make it easier for Tiiran. “Please.”

Tiiran inched in slowly, watching Nikoly’s eyes close, swallowing dryly at the feel of Nikoly’s breath against his mouth. He wet his lips, intending to search for a hint of butter or orange, but tasted Nikoly’s lips instead, which parted at the touch.

Tiiran tilted his head and tried to make his lips just as plush and giving. He swept his thumb over Nikoly’s cheek. He pressed in, as soft as he could make himself be. Nikoly didn’t speak again, only shivering a little when Tiiran could not stay gentle and pushed for more. But he wouldn’t release Tiiran’s wrist, so Tiiran kissed him again, warm and then hot at how Nikoly sighed and dropped his hand at last, letting Tiiran touch him as he pleased.

“It’s all right at least?” Tiiran worried, lips brushing Nikoly’s with every word. He couldn’t stop the sweep of his thumb, or nudging the tip of his nose against the side of Nikoly’s to feel more of him. Something solid and warm was beneath his other hand, Nikoly’s hip, possibly his side. Nikoly’s lips were still open. Tiiran kissed them again, gentle, gentle, despite his hunger.

“You kiss me like I matter to you,” Nikoly returned, kissing Tiiran back as if to prompt Tiiran to kiss him again, which Tiiran did, both hands at Nikoly’s face to hold him, not that Nikoly made a single move to get away. He whined, low and strangely thrilling, then exhaled shakily against the side of Tiiran’s face. “Tiiran,” he said. “ Tiiran .”

Tiiran kissed him again, half in his lap, pushing Nikoly up against the back of the window seat and shuddering all through his body when Nikoly settled his hands at his waist to help steady him. The sun burned the side of his face. Nikoly glowed, eyes partly open, lips parted and wet. “Tiiran,” he said again, beckoning, and Tiiran, breathing hard, swooped in to kiss him again.

The slam of a book dropped to the floor sent Tiiran scurrying back to his side of the window seat. The book in question was outside the door, abandoned by whoever had been startled by the unbelievable sight of Tiiran kissing Nikoly .

Tiiran’s lips seemed to sting. He parted them to explain himself, or apologize, or curse the fae for placing him in the company of such temptation, but then Nikoly’s arm was around him and Nikoly himself was curled against him, a cat for once.

Tiiran didn’t know if he was a pleased cat and ought to ask. The way he ought to ask about Orin: if he and Nikoly had begun something or merely had fun once, if Nikoly thought Orin would be upset about this or wouldn’t care, or… what this had been. Were they courting? Was this what most in the library had, a friendship with extras? Pity?

No. Tiiran refused to believe that at least, because there had been no extras. They’d only kissed. Nikoly had done far too much for Tiiran to be after so little.

Nikoly closed his hand around Tiiran’s wrist again, bringing it up to place Tiiran’s hand on the back of his neck. “Please?” he asked again, in just a whisper.

Tiiran turned to look at him as best as he could. “I didn’t mean it when I called you a puppy like… like he did.” Except he was petting Nikoly now and there was no denying it.

“You’re anxious,” Nikoly answered seriously. “And it calms you to attend to me.”

“Attend to you?” Tiiran echoed weakly, but ran his fingernails across Nikoly’s nape, scratching lightly at the edge of his hair, then over the top of his spine. “You attend to me, it feels like. More than you should have to.”

“But it brings me pleasure,” Nikoly said with a distracting little wriggle. He bowed his head in a silent request. “And you like to bring me pleasure, honeybee, although you’re uncertain how to do it.”

“Pleasure?” Tiiran echoed that too, lost in making Nikoly shiver. “Aren’t you tired of caring for me? Of having to mind my clumsiness in this… in these matters?”

“When you’re comfortable, you’ll take such good care of me.” Nikoly raised his head to meet Tiiran’s worried stare. “It’s all you try to do, take care of the library and the people in it. You might growl or hesitate, but,” he paused, but then leaned in to speak close, “it’s care , Tiiran. And I want it. I have wanted it for so long. This is me offering myself for whatever you want to give me. Is that plainspoken enough for you to believe me?”

Tiiran made a strangled sound. “I don’t know. I want to…. You shine. Did you know that? Of course you do. I want to make you do that. But I….” He stopped himself. “You should have better. Yet if I say that, you’ll gaze at me, wounded, and I’ll feel like a stray with bloody claws. So instead, what can I give you now? What can I do for you?” He hoped and feared the answer was not tupping, where he would fail yet again. “You must be tired of that too, doing so much for me. You could… you could—you won’t laugh?”

The wounded look was there, but Nikoly shook his head so Tiiran pressed on.

“You could lean against me, or use me as a pillow,” Tiiran finished quickly, glancing away. “Po does sometimes. I’m bony, she says, but I’ll do. Until I hugged Orin, it was the only time I got to,” Tiiran made certain no one was by the door, “touch anyone.”

Nikoly pressed a warm kiss to his mouth. “If I could fit on this bench, I would put my head in your lap.” He shifted closer, wrapping his arms around Tiiran’s chest and then nuzzling into the side of Tiiran’s neck while Tiiran burned. “Not in the way you might be thinking, although if you want that, you have only to ask. But I won’t push you for more today. It took Orin saying so for me to realize that you’re scared. I’m sorry for failing to see it sooner. Know that I will wait, happily. But if you want, only say the words and I’ll kneel before you.”

“If you want to stay like this,” Tiiran got out, humiliatingly aroused from a few words, “then stop tempting me!” He was as tart as one of the cherries.

Nikoly laughed against his throat, adding a kiss before Tiiran could fret. “Do you want to stay like this? And not work?” He gasped dramatically. “Teasing,” he went on, punctuating it with another gentle kiss. “Not mocking.”

“I couldn’t get any work done now ,” Tiiran grumbled, actually annoyed about it because he was already behind from the day before. But he also didn’t move to shake Nikoly off. He didn’t think he could but also didn’t want to. He wriggled an arm free to scratch carefully at the back of Nikoly’s neck again. “Do you really like learning all those skills?”

“What?” Nikoly was faint, stretching and pushing against Tiiran’s hand. “Whatever is useful. Whatever I enjoy. Tiiran ?” It was a whine.

Tiiran had the strangest urge to settle him with a deep kiss but didn’t quite dare. He wasn’t even certain why Nikoly was upset.

“I was thinking, earlier.” This morning, in his bath, after he’d thought about other things that had also concerned Nikoly and his mouth. “About how subjects are grouped, or not grouped, here. So that memoirs and personal accounts are put in with the noble family of the person who wrote them, and the incidental knowledge in them—witnessing historical events, or their personal talents, like brewing or winemaking or pottery—is up to the Keepers to remember. It makes finding things tricky, especially now.”

“Hmm?” Nikoly liked the shell of his ear petted too, and the top of his shoulder, and the part of his back that Tiiran could reach without disturbing his robe. He didn’t whine again, which meant Tiiran had done something right.

Tiiran gave the dog-or-wolf marking a scritch. “I figured some families that are known for trade or products would be a better start. I began there and found a dusty, hard-to-read text from a dye-producing region where they make cloth with needles. Oh—the blue they produced was used by the Canamorra in their banners. Obviously, that was before the treason twenty years ago and the old queen’s murder and the Canamorra’s disgrace.”

“ That part is the footnote to you.” Nikoly was absently but clearly amused.

“I thought you might like the book,” Tiiran blurted, making Nikoly start beneath his hand. “For the cloth weaving and dyeing techniques of a bygone era. Since you like information. But it’s truly dry. I think even Mattin wouldn’t enjoy it.”

Nikoly turned toward him. “For me?”

Tiiran didn’t know whether to look into those eyes or to kiss the mouth he would swear was being offered to him. “I didn’t know what to get you, if we are….” He was suddenly cold. “ Are we courting?” He shook his head quickly. “Or I could give it to you as a friend. I should go—”

Nikoly’s hands at his shoulders stopped him.

“Tiiran.” It was desperate, soft, and pretty. His lips were so close. Offered. Given . “Tiiran.”

Tiiran couldn’t sit there another moment and not kiss him.

Nikoly walked Tiiran to his room that night, watching with interest as Tiiran had puttered around the library—real tasks that needed doing that Tiiran was doing distractedly—and watching with even more interest when Tiiran had suddenly stopped, reached up, and pulled the pin from his hair to let it tumble down.

But he didn’t ask why Tiiran had chosen to do it then. And Tiiran, glancing to him, still didn’t ask him about Orin.

He had no right, as Nikoly had said. Not to mention the fact that Orin might not have forgiven Tiiran for leaving him without a word. Or for failing to keep his promise to Orin as an erstwhile duckling to meet him for dinner, or any of the other promises he’d made.

Tiiran had been angry and hurt the first night, but after that, he had forgotten to eat better—without Nikoly’s interference—or even to take his hair down. Doing it now was perhaps foolish, but he hoped Orin would understand if Tiiran got to speak with him again.

Nikoly had the record book Tiiran had found for him tucked into a robe pocket, although he was heading into the capital and wouldn’t be reading anything that night. He said he had agreed to meet people, although Tiiran hadn’t demanded to know. Nikoly was oddly pleased by his stubborn refusal to, probably guessing everything Tiiran imagined about his activities from Tiiran’s expression.

“Rest,” he reminded Tiiran, crowding Tiiran into the door to his room yet waiting for Tiiran to stretch up to kiss him first.

“ You rest,” Tiiran muttered, immediately distracted by the feel of Nikoly beneath his hands, which Nikoly only encouraged by taking Tiiran’s wrists and dragging his hands beneath his robe.

“Tiiran,” Nikoly panted moments into their kiss, “whatever you think, I promise, it isn’t true. And if it was, if everyone in the capital found me attractive and I wanted to let every single one fuck me, all you would have to do is tell me no and I would do as you say.”

Tiiran froze, his lips pressed to Nikoly’s giving mouth. He inched back without pulling away, not that he could have gone far. Nikoly had trapped him well; he was cunning in a way the others would never suspect.

Especially not his others in the capital who couldn’t possibly have time to learn this side of him. But they were probably beautiful, and definitely experienced, ready lovers.

Tiiran’s anger slipped away.

“What if I can’t please you like they do?” he asked in a whisper, eyes shut.

“I think you can. But there, you won’t believe me.” Nikoly straightened. “You want to ask Orin, don’t you?”

“Orin or Po,” Tiiran glanced up, then closed his eyes again. “Who else could I ask?”

He felt Nikoly’s breath on his cheek a beat before he was kissed again. “Fearless with the most of arrogant of beat-of-fours but not for this?”

Tiiran shuddered and opened his eyes. “Look at how I was with Orin.”

Nikoly took a deep breath, then turned to watch himself stroke Tiiran’s hair. “Is that what you think Orin would say?”

“He’ll say I deserve to be punished for thinking it,” Tiiran answered with a hitch in his voice that Nikoly noticed, judging from how seriously he met Tiiran’s eyes.

“Then I think you should be, if it will make you feel better. He’s good at that, isn’t he? Making you feel better. He’s why you’re in sweeter moods some days. I wondered.”

That seemed presumptuous, even if there probably had been a noticeable difference in Tiiran’s attitude after he’d talked with Orin.

“He untangles me.” Tiiran did his best not to frown or look away. “But… you know how some people always make you feel worse about things? Maybe not on purpose, but they do? Or possibly that’s something you don’t know.”

“Some people are miserable and want others to be too,” Nikoly remarked, encouraging.

Tiiran exhaled through his nose. “Well, Orin has never even accidentally made me feel worse about myself, except when I think I’m not good enough for him. Which would make him angry if he knew that…. Although it’s Orin, so he probably knows anyway. He’ll talk forever about what he’s reading, so excited about things I can barely imagine.” Tiiran realized he was smiling about Orin’s enthusiasm for esoteric subjects but didn’t force it away. “And he allows me nearly anything, and—” Tiiran caught himself. “You don’t need to hear me go on about Orin.”

“Orin listened to me going on about you.” Nikoly trailed his fingers through Tiiran’s hair again. “How is it so curly and full of life that it looks as thick as my hair, and yet when I touch it, it feels as light as lace thread? Is that fae work?”

“Ask them.” Tiiran huffed. “And ask them why it cannot be controlled no matter how tightly I twist it.”

“If that were to happen, I’d ask them why they have touched you and if they mean you harm, although I don’t think they do. Not if they sent me and Elorin Vahti to you.”

Tiiran jolted, then glared up. “You take that back. They have nothing to do with this.”

“‘This?’”

Tiiran had pleased Nikoly again. He was glowing even in the evening light.

“Yes,” Tiiran insisted stubbornly to cover his embarrassment. “Whatever this is.”

“ This is that you are courting me—which you told me, so do not deny it. Please don’t.” Nikoly went from teasing to begging. Then he was hopeful. “You are, aren’t you? I’m courting you .” Tiiran gasped, belatedly aware of how true that was. Nikoly gave a small nod, reassured, if not satisfied. “And I am waiting only to swear myself to you—which makes you uncertain.” He grew serious, although his glow didn’t fade. “ This is that you blush whenever Orin is mentioned, and—you say that I shine but you should see yourself when Orin is near. I went to speak to him out of concern for you,” Nikoly paused, then sighed, “and out of jealousy. Not jealousy like you feel, I think. Envy, maybe, that he’s learned what I haven’t. That you touched him so easily.” Tiiran had not touched Orin easily but didn’t get himself together enough to say so. “He is cautious in revealing all of his feelings, understandably, with the life he leads. But he softens for you. It’s,” Nikoly paused, tone turning wistful, “adorable, how much he cares for you. I believe he would indulge your every whim if he could, and gut me if I hurt you. What else could I do but approve of him, and even envy you a bit for capturing him as completely as you have? But then, I understand him there too, although I don’t want from you what he wants from you, not entirely.”

Tiiran swallowed, his mouth suddenly dry. “What? I didn’t capture Orin. We talk. You could ensnare anyone. The way he could have anyone.”

“ Talk, you say,” Nikoly returned, almost amused. “He untangles you. He makes you happy. That’s what I want, Tiiran, in addition to your care. You care so much, all the time, for everything with the same intensity. It must hurt you. Then others don’t like that you care so much, so you doubt yourself. You get… tangled . It’s no wonder you need both of us… if I may assume you like me as you like him.”

“You aren’t modest or oblivious,” Tiiran accused him weakly. “You know how I feel about you.”

“Oh, but I don’t.” Nikoly gently crowded Tiiran against the door once again. “Not until you tell me. And that, you won’t do, because you care so much that you don’t want to fail me. You think I’ll be disappointed in you, or let you go, or something like that?” He pulled Tiiran’s hand to his cheek, then turned to kiss Tiiran’s palm. “ This is waiting only on you, honeybee. If you must let Orin smack your backside to accept that we might…”

“ Smack my backside ?” Tiiran sputtered, flaming hot through his entire body.

Nikoly gave his palm another kiss. “When you’re ready, I am yours to use.”

“You say these things and then will tell me to rest !” Tiiran accused him, a lot less weakly.

“Do you imagine I’ll sleep easily?” Nikoly answered, offering a third kiss. “Thinking of what you’ll give me has had me restless for months. I should be able to control myself better. I can… I will . For you.”

That shouldn’t have made Tiiran want to snarl. “Waiting for me, and for what?”

Nikoly opened his mouth to reply, then seemed to think better of whatever he’d been going to say. “I’d tell you, but you might not believe me. If you really want an answer, you should ask Orin.” Even in evening light, Tiiran could see some of his glow dim.

Tiiran lowered his head. “I’m sorry.”

The return of Nikoly’s tone of smug satisfaction was beyond confusing. “You don’t like it when I’m upset. You apologize. No one else gets apologies from you. Just me. Just Orin. Possibly Po. No one else.”

Tiiran raised his head to squint at him. “Are you… pleased by that?”

There was a hum and then a smile against his palm.

“When I imagine you claiming me, I can barely make myself be still. You’re furious at anyone you think desires me, and it puts fae lights in my blood and leaves me aching to know it. You want me and worry for me. You’ll use me and protect me as no one ever has or wanted to. Am I pleased by that? You ask that when being special to you makes me feel brighter and hotter than a lit brazier. I am, aren’t I? Special to you? Please, Tiiran.”

He knew what was doing to Tiiran and had the audacity to beg?

Tiiran could barely breathe. “You know you are.” He waited a moment for mockery but it never came. Nikoly was too busy nuzzling his palm. “Everyone thinks you’re sweet.” Tiiran shivered for another light kiss. “A puppy.”

“A dog,” Nikoly said again, tugging Tiiran’s hand to his throat and the hollow of his collarbone just above his markings. “Yours, a Rossick hunting dog. That is, whenever you decide to put a collar on me.”

Tiiran jerked his head up and bumped the door. That was an entirely different game than what he did with Orin, or so it felt with his heart racing. But, of course, Nikoly hadn’t meant that literally.

“I’ll never sleep again,” Tiiran complained without thought, shivering when Nikoly laughed, warm and joyful. Tiiran did like pleasing Nikoly, it was true. “But…”

“Shh.” Nikoly pressed Tiiran’s hand harder to the base of his throat, then let go. “Subtle doesn’t work with you. Or rather, it can, but you’ll convince yourself you are wrong.” Tiiran jumped guiltily, then sucked in a breath, because that implied Nikoly had meant precisely what he’d said. Nikoly tipped his chin up, leaving Tiiran to stare at his hand at the base of Nikoly’s throat. “Now you know, but you don’t have to act.” Nikoly’s pulse was fast though he seemed controlled and calm. “Rest, and try not to worry. Talk to Orin when he returns, about this or whatever you like. I don’t mind if you tell him. I’m sure he knows already anyway, or at least suspects.”

“He did call you pup,” Tiiran agreed faintly.

Nikoly hummed. “He’s very smart.” Tiiran thought Nikoly bit his lip in pleasure, but must have been mistaken. Then he remembered that Nikoly had just said that Tiiran convinced himself he was wrong when he wasn’t.

“You like Orin.” Tiiran licked the edge of his tooth, then pressed down lightly at Nikoly’s throat. “I’m not jealous,” he insisted a moment later, glancing up. “I’m not .”

“You don’t have to be like Po and Amie, or any of the assistants,” Nikoly returned quietly. “You don’t like imagining me with others, Tiiran. You can’t hide it.” He inclined his head to make his words more intimate. “I am a useful person and a willing bed partner…”

“And handsome,” Tiiran grumbled.

“And handsome, as you say,” Nikoly agreed. “But no one cares where I go or who I might be with except you, even though you could have had me at any time.” He smiled when Tiiran snapped his gaze up to meet his.

“They likely don’t even know what a sly creature you are.” Tiiran could not be quiet. “But they are still better at bed sport that I am or will be. And you like Orin,” he said again. “Orin knows what you are and he would make you happy, in bed and out of it. I like imagining that. My failure burns, but closing my eyes to see you beneath Orin? You would be happy.” Tiiran looked back down at his hand at the base of Nikoly’s throat. “I’m not good at making people happy.” Nikoly made a sound of protest which Tiiran ignored. “I don’t have a name for what I feel unless someone helps me name it, and that’s usually Orin. But I’m not jealous. Not like how you think. At least accept that.”

“All right, but I don’t understand,” Nikoly admitted. “Oh.” He seemed to realize something, so Tiiran raised his head. Nikoly regarded him contemplatively. “Do you not believe you deserve me, Tiiran?”

Tiiran drew in a wheezing breath.

“I see,” Nikoly remarked when it was clear that was all Tiiran could manage. “Or Orin? Ah. So you do need him to spank reason into you.”

“Stop saying that,” Tiiran croaked.

“Or what?” Nikoly challenged. “I am yours to punish, Tiiran, but only if you allow that I am yours at all.” He frowned briefly, then gave one sharp nod. “Bless the fae, but they did not do right by you, did they?”

“Finally, someone else gets it,” Tiiran grumbled, because he had said as much for years.

“Until now,” Nikoly added, ending Tiiran’s moment of gratitude. “They brought us to you. Oh ,” he said again, “it’s intimidating, knowing they have something in mind for you, isn’t it?”

“I wouldn’t know,” Tiiran informed him—and them—loftily.

Nikoly stopped worrying over the useless fucking fae and focused all of his suddenly radiant attention on Tiiran.

“Tiiran,” the way he said Tiiran’s name made Tiiran shiver, “you’re afraid. If you need Orin to make you realize it, that’s fine. Don’t worry about it for now. Only know that I don’t want to leave you tonight, and if I had my way, I would be with you all night, even if just to sleep and ensure that you actually use your blankets.” He paused, then visibly increased his glow, intentionally dazzling Tiiran with his happiness. “Will you miss me?”

“Yes!” Tiiran would squirm all through the night with how loud and eager his answer was. But it made Nikoly happy and that was all Tiiran seemed to currently care about.

“I’ll see you tomorrow?” Nikoly wondered next.

Tiiran nodded. His hand fell down to Nikoly’s chest, his robe fine and nearly as soft as Mattin’s. “I can still kiss you when I see you? I mean, not in front of everyone but….”

Nikoly’s grin curled his toes. He bent down in invitation and Tiiran reached up to pull him in the rest of the way, only to stop when Nikoly paused. “So many will watch me tonight,” Nikoly whispered, taunting against Tiiran’s mouth. “Will you kiss me to bruise me? Leave my lips tender as if I’ve pleasured you and you were rough with me? So they will see and know Tiiran waits for me? So that I will know? Please?”

“The fuck,” Tiiran breathed it, dizzy and suddenly hard as Nikoly must have known he would be. “Is that what you want?” No, Tiiran shouldn’t ask that now lest he spill and embarrass himself further. He struggled to be furious. “I’ve been trying not to be terrible,” he complained instead, keeping Nikoly close, twisting his hands into Nikoly’s robe. “To be gentle and good!”

Nikoly made a noise of surprise and then hummed again. “I told you I liked storms,” he reminded Tiiran, then kissed Tiiran so lightly it was almost a dare for Tiiran to push up and kiss him back harder. “Do you not want to be gentle with me?”

“Sometimes.” It was not nearly enough to explain Tiiran’s urge to see tears in Nikoly’s eyes but maybe his rasping voice explained it for him. “Sometimes I do.” Softly kissing Nikoly was wonderful. Tiiran enjoyed it very much. But…. “Sometimes I want to make you cry. Or see you cry, although I am not sure if it’s from wanting or from hurting. Your markings….” Tiiran wanted to claw over them. “I imagine you bleeding from them and crying, or trying not to cry, and you’re so pretty that way.”

Nikoly whined, the dissatisfied sound Tiiran already disliked to hear, pulled Tiiran’s hand back to his throat and held it there. “Then do not be gentle,” he panted. “Think of others desiring me and do as you will to me.”

Tiiran rose up onto his toes and kissed him with a snarling hunger that would done a bear proud.