Page 18

Tiiran didn’t hum on his way back to the library from the kitchens, but he must have been making some sort of noise, since more than one guard turned to watch him as he passed. Music was mostly noise as far as Tiiran was concerned, his attention wandering during longer ballads. Nikoly was the one to hum, usually with pleasure, and if Tiiran concentrated, it was as if he could feel Nikoly’s pleasure against his lips.

If Tiiran did hum a little as he walked, it was only because he felt almost as he did after a visit from Orin. Which was a thought to dampen his mood, because he still didn’t know if Orin was angry with him. Tiiran had volunteered to return the assistants’ collection of dishes and trays because he had thought Orin might like to learn that Tiiran had left the library in the middle of the day, and to hear that the sun was shining and many of the flowers at the edges of the gardens were starting to bloom in earnest.

And maybe he had also volunteered because some overly friendly sworn guard had been sent to the Great Library on an errand and had been all over Nikoly, and Tiiran’s guts had twisted and his face had stung with heat. He’d probably been very obvious, although it was difficult to feel ashamed when Nikoly had turned in the middle of the pest’s flirting to look for Tiiran and then smiled to find him.

Nikoly’s lips were no longer kiss-swollen today, not noticeably so, but Tiiran doubted it would have put off the sworn guard any if they had been. Marching over to Nikoly and kissing him in front of the guard might have, but Tiiran couldn’t quite bring himself to do that. And, whatever Nikoly teased in the dark, Tiiran doubted he’d like Tiiran telling him what to do in front of everyone.

He might have wanted Tiiran to lay into the guard, now that Tiiran thought about it, but that didn’t seem like something reasonable people should do, even as part of a game. The guard was not in the game too, after all. Nor would he ever be, the impertinent jackanapes.

But Nikoly might have wanted something , Tiiran reflected, growing slightly nervous. That he was nervous at all seemed to support Nikoly’s assertion that Tiiran was afraid more than jealous, but Tiiran wasn’t thinking about that now. It was mostly guessing and Tiiran didn’t like guessing.

Anyway, Nikoly had said what he wanted.

Tiiran stopped dead in the middle of an open-air corridor to clench and unclench his fists.

“Oh dear, kitten. What has upset you now?”

Tiiran turned at the familiar voice and was in motion before that nickname being spoken in public had time to make him blush. He threw himself against Orin hard enough to make Orin take a surprised step back.

“Orin.” Tiiran sounded like Nikoly now, helplessly repeating a name. “ Orin .”

A large hand settled between his shoulder blades. “An unexpected welcome,” Orin commented in a quiet rumble. He shifted, moving his travel pack, then splayed his other hand over the side of Tiiran’s neck, fingers under his jaw to tip Tiiran’s face up toward him.

Orin was in his travel clothes, although he was not as dirtied as he might have been if he’d been out in the field for weeks. He must have been tired, for he had shadows beneath his eyes and his short beard was slightly less than perfectly groomed, but he was healthy, with the wound he’d received several days before healing well.

“I’m so glad you’re all right,” Tiiran told him fervently, ignoring how Orin raised his eyebrows. “You kept it clean—your wound. And you don’t look too worn down—unless there are injuries I don’t know about?” He inched back to make sure Orin saw his frown.

“Even more unexpected.” Orin hesitated, then cupped the side of Tiiran’s face.

Tiiran swallowed but didn’t look away even though he could see others moving around them. “Orin.”

“I wasn’t sure what reception I would get.” Orin didn’t say it in a scolding or chiding tone and yet Tiiran shivered with shame. “You didn’t come back.” Orin studied him and Tiiran couldn’t do anything but blush and let him. “You didn’t say goodbye and were gone the next day. Ill, Nikoly said.”

“Just some sneezing,” Tiiran answered quickly, thought it felt like a lie, especially with his nose still reddened.

“And that kept you from your library?” Orin tapped Tiiran’s sore nose with his thumb, guessing correctly that Tiiran would have tried to work through an illness at any other time.

“I…. No.” Tiiran glanced around at those passing by, then dropped his gaze to Orin’s chest. “Not entirely.”

“I thought, perhaps, that I had finally pushed too hard or truly angered you.” Orin inhaled deeply then let it out, the rumble banished from his voice when he was done. “Yet you hadn’t seemed furious when you left me—us.” He didn’t acknowledge Tiiran’s flinch. “So I was left to wonder, what would frighten my Tiiran so much that he wouldn’t stay to show his claws?”

Frighten . Tiiran nearly dropped his head.

“Orin,” he whispered, “I’m sorry.”

“Do you even know what you to do me?” Orin soothed Tiiran’s trembling by petting down his back. “Of course, you don’t. Fire-heart you may be, but you’re not cruel—although once I thought of it, of what you said before you vanished….”

Tiiran darted a look up and met the real anger in Orin’s eyes before Orin tucked it away again. Tiiran swallowed a lump of pure nerves. “What I said?”

“What you said.” For a moment, Orin rumbled again. “You’re innocent in many ways, but you knew what you were saying when you told Nikoly to take care of me. That was a test, Tiiran, and you and I are going to discuss it.”

Tiiran started to deny it, but only got as far as opening his mouth when Orin sank a hand into his hair at the base of his skull and tugged. It brought Tiiran’s head up and made the rest of his body alarmingly warm.

He wanted to glance around to see if anyone was observing this, but couldn’t look away from Orin. “I didn’t know it was a test when I said it,” he said at last, without mentioning the rest of Orin’s challenge. “I shouldn’t have left without a word. And I’m not angry. With you. Anymore.” Tiiran shook himself, momentarily distracted when this created more tugging at his scalp and the warmth seeped into his blood. “I mean, I wasn’t angry with you. I was feeling sorry for myself but never mind that. I shouldn’t make you untangle me too.”

“Too?” Orin echoed, but released him. If Tiiran were more like Nikoly, he would have taken Orin’s hand and put it back in his hair. He settled for staying where he was, the two of them standing close right there in the corridor. Orin’s approval burned hotter when Tiiran didn’t move away. “It’s good to see you again too, kitten.”

Cheeks burning, Tiiran stepped back at last. He cleared his throat. “You’re really well? Not tired? There were no complications?”

Orin shot a look to the side, where two palace guards leaned against a railing, talking with one another but also keeping an eye on the corridor. He turned in the other direction and Tiiran stepped into place next to him.

“No,” Orin answered. “At least nothing you need worry about now.” He put out his arm, waiting for Tiiran to realize why and startle, and then place his hand at the crook of Orin’s elbow before he began to walk. Orin rested a hand over Tiiran’s, and Tiiran had to stare straight ahead so he couldn’t trip over his own feet.

“Are we headed to the library?” Tiiran asked after a while, so close to Orin he might as well have been walking with his head at Orin’s shoulder. Orin might have let him.

“Where else would you be going?” Orin clucked his tongue. “And where else would I be going when I haven’t seen you in several days?”

He ought to go to the barracks to bathe and rest, but Tiiran didn’t say it. “I was worried you wouldn’t speak with me again. I feel foolish now.”

“Maybe you should,” Orin answered without mercy, keeping Tiiran’s hand in place on his arm until they reached the library entrance, when he removed it just long enough to hold the door open.

Tiiran swept a look over the entrance area and the copying tables, absently noting who was where and who was missing, then that not enough curtains had been opened because the library didn’t seem as lit as it should have been. But the majority of his attention was on where Orin was leading him and Nikoly at the desk watching the two of them draw closer.

The overly friendly sworn guard had vanished. Nikoly stared longest at Tiiran, but turned toward Orin when Orin stopped.

“Oh,” Tiiran realized abruptly, “you two probably want to talk .” He didn’t spit the word, but he did pull to get away.

Orin tightened his hold. Tiiran bumped back against him, acutely aware of the pressure around his wrist. If he said something, Orin would let go. Normally, he would have without Tiiran asking. He wanted Tiiran to stay and wasn’t being nice about it.

Tiiran gave him a resentful glance but didn’t pull away again. “I thought you’d want me to leave you alone.”

Orin slid a knowing look his way before addressing Nikoly. “Hello, pup.” Nikoly turned toward him, eyes wide at the nickname. Orin spoke with deliberate calm. “Have you been good?”

Nikoly was already pretty, but the sparkle in his eyes at that made Tiiran flush. It grew worse when Nikoly then looked at Tiiran, hungry and pleading. Tiiran nearly hurried forward to kiss and pet him. If Orin hadn’t held him, he might have.

“Is this a test?” Tiiran snarled suddenly, though it was a quiet snarl. Only Po, her head up and her attention sharp, might have heard it. “I thought from what you said that a test was bad.” He tugged weakly at Orin’s hand and glared up when Orin looked patiently down at him. Tiiran had made assumptions from what Nikoly had said and how Orin acted, but he must have been wrong yet again. “If you two made an arrangement and you are asking me to play along, then you should have told me.”

“Tiiran, no,” Nikoly protested, reaching for him.

Tiiran glared first at his loveliness and then at Orin for asking him such a question. “Nikoly is always good,” he answered at last. As Tiiran was not.

Yet Orin gave Tiiran’s hand a pat and his wrist a gentle squeeze.

“ Honeybee .” Nikoly’s voice was rough. His shine was all for Tiiran now.

“I don’t understand,” Tiiran admitted, petulant instead of rightfully furious. Orin squeezed his wrist again.

Orin smiled down at him, then turned to Nikoly. “And was Tiiran good?”

Tiiran jumped. “Orin.” He heard himself stumbling over an explanation like a fresh-faced assistant. “Orin, I meant to be.” He turned to Nikoly, who had said he would tell Orin how ill Tiiran had been.

Nikoly met his stare and his expression shifted. “Eventually,” he said, and frowned at Tiiran’s betrayed gasp. Nikoly looked up to Orin. “Eventually, he was very good.” His gaze was warm and happy again when he glanced to Tiiran. “There were some problems I discovered, but I took care of them.”

Tiiran pushed closer to Orin, shaking his head in his eagerness to explain. “It was only some blankets.” He realized he shouldn’t have said anything after the words were out. “ Fuck . Fuck everything.”

Orin’s eyebrows, raised high, slowly lowered into something too ferocious to be called a frown.

“Not like that.” Tiiran heard himself speaking again when he should not have, assuming Orin thought Nikoly referred to bed sport when really, Nikoly was speaking about actual blankets. But then Tiiran had kissed Nikoly, many times, so sport still applied even if bed didn’t. But Orin and Nikoly must have… or at least could have… done the same. “Possibly like that,” he added weakly.

“He’s still getting over the snuffles,” Nikoly murmured. “We call it a cold or the shivers where I’m from, but hearing him say snuffles made me want to grab him and force tea and soup into him.”

“That explains his adorable red nose,” Orin remarked. “And why he isn’t sicker. I assume you actually did have to force him?”

“Fuck off.” Tiiran interrupted their perplexing banter while rubbing his sore nose. “It’s not adorable.” He glanced between them, not furious or frightened, but something new, his heart beating fast. “If you two made an arrangement about me then you should have consulted me first!”

Everyone at the copying tables probably heard him.

“Then you should have been there with us,” Orin replied without hesitation. “Prepare yourself for the reckoning, kitten, because it’s here.”

Not a sound came out of Tiiran’s mouth when he opened it. Orin waited for a moment anyway, that ferocious look in his eyes making Tiiran lean harder against him to stay upright on unsteady legs. When Tiiran still didn’t manage a word, Orin turned back to Nikoly.

“Tiiran and I are going upstairs. Would you mind keeping others away from the second floor for a while?”

Nikoly glanced first to Tiiran. He studied Tiiran’s stunned, hot face, then answered, quiet, “I’ll have to check on him.”

“Of course.” Orin’s tone was pleased. “He’s a good boy, isn’t he, Tiiran?”

“Yes,” Tiiran wheezed, then shook his head, because he was mad at Nikoly, or would be when his senses returned. But then Nikoly ducked his head, almost bashful with pleasure, and Tiiran shut his mouth.

“That’s it.” Orin gave Tiiran’s wrist another encouraging squeeze. “Make him happy. You’re learning already. I knew you’d be quick once you set yourself the task.”

“You did?” Tiiran hadn’t. “I’ve been trying.”

“Of course, you have.” Orin’s approval only made his face hotter. Orin didn’t firm his grip, but he didn’t have to. He said, “Now come along,” rumbly and pleased with Tiiran, and Tiiran started moving.

“The reckoning?” Tiiran asked tremulously halfway up the stairs.

“Avoiding me was foolish.” Orin moved slowly to account for Tiiran’s shorter legs, staying with him for each step, warm all along Tiiran’s side. “If you don’t want me around you, you have only to say. I’ll listen.”

“I know.” Tiiran hung his head. “I knew it then, but I was hurt .” That was barely audible. Orin might not have heard it. “Then you were gone and I worried so much. If you’d had an accident and I hadn’t seen you before you left… I was so worried.”

Orin led him to the landing and then onto the second floor, heading toward the nook Tiiran was starting to think of as theirs. He left Tiiran by the table, then dealt with the curtain over the window. He put down his bag by the chair, the sword strapped to his back as well, before turning around to study Tiiran, who hadn’t moved.

Orin had put him there so he shouldn’t move, Tiiran assumed, though he felt strangely shaky about it. He tried to meet Orin’s eyes and couldn’t, not with Orin silently noting everything about him.

Orin broke the silence first. “I’d assure you that I don’t mean to frighten you, but I do.”

“I’m not frightened,” Tiiran scoffed, only to go still as he realized that he truly wasn’t. He was anything but frightened, or, if the shiver down his spine was fear, it was an entirely different kind then what he was used to.

Orin flashed a smile, there and gone. “You’re not frightened. And you’re not angry. With me. Anymore.” He gave Tiiran’s earlier words back to him then paused to let Tiiran realize it. He did that a lot—gave Tiiran the space to consider himself and what he wanted. “What are you, if you’re not angry.” It was not a question, but more of a suggestion for what Tiiran ought to say next.

Tiiran had spent a night in a half-frozen garden worrying over that same issue.

He looked up to Orin’s eyes, then down again. “I was embarrassed.” He was still embarrassed. “And confused.” That, too. “Sad.” He whispered that, then bit his lip. “Disappointed. And yes, angry, but not with you. With myself for being a lackwit and a sniveling fraidy-cat.”

“You left and didn’t return.” Orin seemed calm but Tiiran didn’t think he was. “And I didn’t see you the next day. Then something came up and I had to leave, so I might not have ever seen you again.”

Tiiran flinched and raised his head. “I told you to have no incidents!”

Orin ignored him. “Did you think I fucked Nikoly?” He narrowed his eyes when Tiiran made a strangled sound but he didn’t seem very surprised. “Because you want to fuck Nikoly?”

He didn’t actually deny fucking Nikoly or possibly wanting to. Tiiran gave him a growly huff and crossed his arms, only to uncross them so he could pull at the sleeves of his robe. “You liked him, Orin. You said things to him how you do. You liked him in that way. Without me around, you would have had him immediately and you know it.”

“The question, Tiiran.” Orin was measured, even, and unrelenting.

Tiiran startled forward. “Orin, I kissed him. He kissed me. We’re courting.” He remembered Nikoly had answered him on that point but then said something far more alarming and confusing. His arguments abruptly left him.

“Ah.” Orin looked away, brows down. He stared at books or at nothing, then smiled faintly before turning back to Tiiran. “I expected it, but it did sting a little to hear,” he confessed. The heavy frown began to lift when Tiiran crept closer.

Tiiran deliberately bumped against Orin’s boots. “A sting? Nikoly said I hurt him too. I don’t understand how I’d have the power to.”

“Which is why you don’t run away.” Orin still didn’t give Tiiran any instruction or touch him, not even to tip Tiiran’s chin up too high. “You expected me to be more upset,” he guessed without guessing, watching Tiiran closely. “About the kissing or the courting? Did you want me to mind, kitten? That’s not nice to Nikoly. That’s not how he wants to be used.”

Tiiran leaned in but stopped before he could hide his face against Orin again. He wasn’t certain that was allowed. “ Orin ,” he whined at last. “You already know, don’t you? Why are you making me say all this?”

“Because you need to know,” Orin returned. “And because a part of me wants to hear it, and because it pleases me to make you to squirm, and blush, and give in. It pleases you, too.”

Tiiran swallowed.

Orin smiled. “Don’t be a coward now, kitten. I wouldn’t believe it of you.”

Nikoly must feel much the same when he was waiting for Tiiran for tell him he was good, or to touch his mouth after rough kisses against a door. Tiiran wanted to be good for Orin so much he forced himself to speak.

“I kissed him because he asked me to and I wanted to. And I wished—” He stopped short. Orin would know what it meant for Tiiran to wish but Tiiran corrected himself anyway. “I wanted you to care. Even though I know I’m not like your others. I never expected to be, but I wished I had your attention in that way, like I thought he did, or would. I want him and I have since he first came here, because I’m a fool, but he seems to want me too. So do you, and I don’t understand any of it. I let myself imagine I could be special to both of you. Then I wasn’t. Which is fine. It’s as it should be. I’m just another duckling, of course I am. Nikoly is the sort of person you should admire, and you are big, and clever, and put lights in his eyes. That’s also as it should be. I imagine you have people like Nikoly desiring you wherever you go. Well, not like him. Nikoly actually is special. I can’t compare and I knew that. But… but it still hurt to see. That’s all. I’m more mature about it now. No more wishing. I’ll be content with what I have.” He peeked upward. “Please, may I hug you again?”