Page 3

Arden

Once all my paperwork is filled out, Levi moves me to sit with him so he can explain how he prioritizes emails and cases. He has received a ton of requests, but there are many things he isn’t able to do. He does have access to a lab though, so he can send off samples, but if things go to court, I am sure it would make things more difficult to prove that nothing was tampered with.

I do my best to stay focused on the task at hand rather than his admission of wanting me. I have no reason to think he would ever do anything to hurt me, but I once trusted someone on the deepest possible level, and they broke me. I am broken, and I don’t know how to repair the gaping holes he left behind in my soul.

I keep telling myself that I am confused, but I am not. Some part of me has known for months that he was attracted to me. I just chose to ignore it. I enjoyed his subtle remarks, his praise, and the touches that always seem to linger. I saw the signs, but it always brought with it a wave of paranoia that I have yet to figure out how not to send me into an anxiety attack. I can’t be hurt like that by someone I trust again because I simply will not survive it.

I was nineteen and saw the world through rose-colored glasses. I thought I was invincible, and that nothing bad could ever truly happen to me. Boy, was I dead fucking wrong. Not only did bad things happen to me, but I never got justice. I never found out the truth because the police didn’t believe me. I wasn’t injured, so I must have just hooked up and regretted it. Never mind that I was drunk off my ass, and he had a mask on. Never mind that even drunk, I was positive about the identity of the man who had held me captive in my own apartment for three days. This horrific event led me to want to become a private investigator. I didn’t want to be a detective and be bound by department rules. I wanted to work for the victims and their loved ones. I wanted to make a real difference and actually care about finding the real truth, not the truth that the government is notorious for spoon-feeding the public. Only Macie knows the truth about what happened during those three days because after I was immediately shut down by the police when I went to report the events, I decided I wanted to keep it to myself. My parents let me move back in with no questions asked and haven’t pushed me to leave.

I realize that I am completely zoned out, thinking about everything that happened to me during those three days. When my eyes meet Levi’s, I see familiarity. “Where did you go?” he asks.

“I’m sorry,” I say, dropping my gaze to my hands as I pick at my nails.

“Don’t be. You were triggered and I understand that more than you know,” he says. “Where did you go?”

“To my old apartment… When I lived alone,” I say, sniffing back tears.

“I won’t push unless you want me to, Arden. I just want you to know that you don’t have to keep it in.”

“I just don’t want you to think that my paranoia has anything to do with you,” I say tearfully. “I swore I would never tell anyone after being called a liar… and I haven’t. Not even Wilder knows… Only Macie.”

“I don’t think you are a liar, Arden.”

“You don’t even know what happened,” I say with a snide tone.

“I don’t need to, sweetheart. I recognize the pain on your face right now. I see how the memories are flashing through your eyes, and the reel never stops rolling,” he says, taking my hands into his so I will stop picking at my nails. “Do you want to explain?”

“Yes,” I say tearfully, making myself look up at him.

“Start slow,” he says. “Keep your eyes on me so you can’t get lost in the memories.”

“Okay,” I say. “I was nineteen, and I had my own apartment. I broke up with my boyfriend a few days prior because his temper was scaring me, and he threw me against a wall when we got into a fight. Caleb accepted it and left, so I didn’t think anything of it… Macie and I had a fake ID, so we had gone out with some friends. The bar was only a few blocks from my apartment, so I walked home. I was tipsy, but not shit-faced drunk… I was so oblivious that I didn’t even know someone was following me. I never imagined that anything bad could happen, so I didn’t pay attention. When I got to my door, I heard movement behind me. I opened the door only to turn around and get shoved backward into my apartment by a man in a ski mask.”

The emotions are choking me out, so he stops me for a moment by hugging me. “Breathe, Arden. You are safe,” he encourages softly. When I relax, we pull apart and he resumes holding my hands to prevent me from pulling my nails off.

“I froze for a second and he came in and locked the door… I finally moved and I tried to crawl away, but… he grabbed me up off the floor and took me straight to my bedroom. He knew exactly where it was. He used his belt to tie my arms to the headboard before finding a scarf to cover my eyes and duct tape over my mouth,” I explain. “He wasn’t violent in the sense that he caused injury. I remember hearing the condom wrappers and the lube… He raped me over and over again. If it wasn’t him fucking me, he was using toys on me… My own toys… He knew exactly where to find them… He just… kept me on that bed. He’d let me up to take me to the bathroom every few hours. Outside of water, he offered me nothing else… I spent three days being raped and forced to come, and I would be willing to bet my life that it was Caleb… He drugged me at some point because I woke up early Tuesday morning and he was gone. He left absolutely nothing behind… I called the police and had the rape exam done. Nothing came back. It didn’t prove rape, only that I maybe had rough sex at most. The detectives told me that sometimes we do things we regret, and this should be a lesson on why I shouldn’t be drinking.”

“That’s a load of bullshit,” he frowns.

“I never told anyone because I didn’t have proof. It was my word against no evidence. I never saw his face and he never spoke, but I knew. I knew it was him. Caleb was the first person I ever had sex with. He was my first real boyfriend… I was going to marry him, or so I thought. His temper got worse and worse, until I no longer recognized him. Macie is the only person I’ve ever told, and she only knows because she cornered me and made me tell her. She is like a bloodhound when it comes to noticing if someone is upset. She promised me she wouldn’t say anything until I was ready… So, I moved back in with my parents. I don’t date, but I do sleep with people. I coped by being a giant whore, so maybe that wasn’t the smartest thing to do.”

“It’s normal,” he says. “Hypersexuality after a rape is extremely common. For some, it can be an impulse to seek those situations out to try to find some sort of control. It may be something you don’t actually want to do, but you do it as a way of being in charge of what happens to your body.”

“Is it normal to get men to hold me down and fuck me while I fight them? Because I do that too,” I say bluntly.

“Yes, Arden,” he smiles. “It’s called consensual non-consent, and it is a kink shared among a large number of sexual assault survivors. It’s risky to do it with someone you don’t fully trust, but it’s still healthy and normal. It doesn’t mean you wanted those awful things to happen to you, it just means that you want to be able to have a say in what happens to your body. You have a safe word and a way out, but you get to explore. There is no correct way to respond to trauma, Arden. I drank like a fish and fucked anything that had a pussy attached to it when Charlotte and Melody were murdered. Was it healthy for me to do that? No, but it is a normal reaction to trauma.”

“How long have you been sober?” I ask.

“Seven months,” he says.

“You… Did you stop drinking when I bugged the shit out of you until you agreed to let me come here?”

“I did,” he says. “I kept saying no because I was afraid that my drinking would affect my work and ruin you. I was also afraid of letting you get close and me liking you.”

“Do you regret taking me on?”

“No,” he says. “I decided that instead of telling you no because I drank so much, that I would tell you yes and just stop drinking. I was grumpy because I was going through withdrawals after drinking heavily for so long. I focused on helping you train and working cases. I purged my house of everything, and I decided that I wanted to get back to the reason I was doing this.”

“Why did you start?”

“Because if investigators had done their jobs to begin with, they would have found the evidence of Charlotte being stalked by a man who had a very long history of domestic abuse, aggravated stalking, and being involved in the suspicious deaths of his ex-girlfriends. I would still have my wife and daughter, and he’d be in jail,” Levi explains.

“I wanted to do this because I wanted to help people when the cops were too biased to give a shit,” I say. “I started researching and found that the vast majority of rapists will never see the inside of a jail cell for their crimes. That didn’t sit right with me, so I decided to try and make a difference.”

“I like that,” he smiles. “Now… What exactly triggered you?”

“I want to believe that you want me for me and not for how you can use me,” I say. “It’s hard for me to trust, but I am so fucking drawn to you that it’s conflicting. I feel as though I should run for the hills, but I don’t want to. I am completely willing to let you hurt me just so I can be near you, and that scares the shit out of me.”

“And when I threw the phone, it reminded you of Caleb,” he says, and I nod. “I’m sorry my temper scared you, Arden. I will do whatever I need to prove to you that I will never hurt you. I understand the paranoia because it feels like letting you in is setting myself up to lose you. I am finding with you that avoidance is not healing me or protecting me. It’s making me a prisoner of my own mind and that is no way to live. Charlotte would not want that for me.”

“What was she like?” I ask.

“She was a lot like you,” he remarks with a chuckle. “She was a giant brat, but she was so sweet and kindhearted.”

“And Melody’s favorite color was yellow,” I say. “Why?”

“She always told me that yellow reminded her of happiness and her mother and I made her the happiest,” he says. “She was… so sweet and so smart.”

“I’m sorry you lost them,” I say. “No one should ever have to experience that. The fact you had to see it…”

“Hearing my little girl scream like that… Begging me to help her… It haunts my fucking dreams,” he admits. “I’d get so goddamn drunk so it would drown out the sound of her crying and the way Charlotte begged him to let Melody live… The last thing Charlotte said before he killed her was her telling Melody that she and daddy loved her so much. She was practically lying on top of her, shielding her. Even for her age, I think Melody understood what was about to happen. When Charlotte said that, she just said that she loved us too and buried her face in Charlotte’s chest. Tyler then shot them back-to-back before putting the gun in his mouth… he never looked at me… Acknowledged me… I taunted him and said everything I could think of to try and get him to turn his anger on me instead, but he didn’t. I laid there like that for nearly two days before my brother showed up to check on us after not getting a call back.”

“You have a brother?” I ask.

“Mhmm. I haven’t talked with any of my family since the funeral, though. Not sure if they’d want to see me at this point,” he says. “Even saying that, I know it’s not true. They all take turns calling me every few days. They leave me voicemails and tell me what’s going on. Jett texts me every single day and has for the last ten years.”

“Why won’t you talk to them?” I ask. “I’m sorry for asking so many questions.

“It’s okay. It’s surprisingly easy to talk to you,” he says. “I was a drunk and I didn’t want them to see what grief had done to me, even with the success of this business.”

“Well, you are sober now, so text him back,” I say. “Clearly they love you.”

“I’ll make you a deal,” he says. “For the sake of healing.”

“Okay….” I say carefully.

“I will go see my family if you tell Wilder and your parents,” he says.

“Okay,” I shrug and pull out my phone. He seems a bit shocked when I call Wilder.

“Hey,” Wilder answers.

“Hey. Hold on, I’m going to call Mom and Dad and add them to the call,” I say. I tap around and join the calls as soon as my mom answers. “Hey, Mom. Is Dad there?”

“Yeah, baby. What’s up?” she asks.

“I have Wilder on the line. Wilder, is Macie there?”

“Yeah. What’s wrong?” my brother asks.

“So… I made a deal with Levi, so I am going to trauma dump on everyone real fast,” I say.

“You told Levi about Caleb?” Macie asks.

“I did,” I say.

“I am so proud of you, Arden,” Macie says happily.

“I would love to know why we are talking about that little fucker,” Wilder says. “What did he do?”

The emotions hit me, and I start crying as soon as I start explaining, but Levi holds my hand while I talk. I keep my eyes on him as my phone sits on his desk on speakerphone. My family is quiet and lets me get everything out. When I am done, Wilder is the first to talk.

“I’m so sorry, Arden,” Wilder says. “I’m glad you had Macie to talk to about it. I am also proud of you for opening up with us.”

“What was the deal?” Macie asks. I look at Levi, and he speaks up so that I don’t have to.

“I opened up to Arden about me losing my wife and daughter ten years ago,” he says. “They were assaulted and murdered in front of me, I wanted her to know so that she understood why I am the way I am. I expressed that I haven’t seen my family since because I was drinking heavily until I met her, so we made a deal that she would tell you all and I would visit my family.”

“I love that,” Macie says happily. “You should take her with you.”

“Wait…” I say.

“That’s a great idea,” Levi says with a grin. “I’ll do it tonight so I can’t talk myself out of it.”

“Good timing because we won’t be home tonight either,” Mom says.

“I love this so much. If he takes you home to meet his family, does that mean you are dating?” Macie asks.

“Yes,” Wilder laughs.

“Jesus,” I say. “I love you guys. Goodbye.”

“Text me,” Macie laughs.

When the call ends, Levi smiles at me. “What?” I ask.

“I’m proud of you, Arden,” he says.

“Text your brother,” I say.

“Fair is fair,” he says, laying his phone on the desk in front of us. I watch as he navigates to Jett’s contact before he stops. I gently grab his hand and squeeze, triggering him to press the call button and place the call on speaker.

“What’s wrong? Are you okay?” A man answers.

“Hey to you too, little brother,” Levi says. “Got a second?”

“I have all the seconds in the world, Levi. How are you?”

“Nothing is wrong. Relax, Jett,” Levi says gently. “Look… I’m not going to bullshit here. Okay?”

“Oookay,” Jett says.

“After Charlotte and Melody died, I turned into a drunk and I was ashamed of who I had become. I did start my own PI business and have somehow managed to make that into something successful, but… A really special woman came into my life and motivated me to get sober. I haven’t had a drink in seven months and she is encouraging me to reach out to y’all.”

“I love her already. When do you want to meet up?”

“If I give you an address, can you get Mom and Dad there without telling them? I want it to be a surprise,” Levi says.

“Oh, for sure. And I should probably go ahead and fess up… I totally stalk you,” he laughs. I know where your office is and everything.”

“That doesn’t surprise me. I sometimes think I have seen you in that coffee shop across the road,” Levi laughs. “I listen to everything you guys send me. I read every text… I’m not perfect and you all didn’t deserve that, but… I was drowning for a long time.”

“You watched them get raped and murdered. I don’t know anyone who would take that well, Levi,” Jett says. “No one ever blamed you. If we did, we would have hunted you down. Mom told us all of the time that when you were ready, you’d come back. You have always processed things alone, and this is no different.”

“Yeah, I guess,” Levi says.

“So… Who’s this miracle worker of a woman?” Jett asks.

“Her name is Arden,” Levi says, smiling at me. “I met her when I was giving a lecture at the college. She then proceeded to bug the shit out of me until I agreed to take her on so she could get field hours to get certified as a PI. I made her start with physical training but today is her first day in the office.”

“Oh, so she’s Charlotte,” Jett says.

“She and Charlotte share some similar qualities,” Levi laughs. Seeing the way his smile reaches his eye warms my heart. “Not that I am intentionally comparing her to my dead wife.”

“Meh. I’ve been compared to worse,” I say.

“It’s nice to meet you, Arden. Will you be there tonight?” Jett asks.

“Yes,” Levi answers for me.

“Are you two dating?”

“We are just exploring things right now,” Levi says.

“Oh, that is your bullshit way of saying yes, but you are too nervous to admit it,” Jett laughs. “I will bug you more in person. What time?”

“Six okay? I’ll make dinner,” Levi says.

“Sounds good. Thank you for calling, Levi,” Jett says.

“Thank you for being patient with me,” he replies. “Love you, man. I mean it.”

“Love you too, Levi. I’ll see you tonight.”

When the call ends, he sighs heavily. “I thought for sure he’d be mad,” Levi admits.

“Well, I am very proud of you,” I say. Levi sighs and cups my cheek. “Are you okay?”

“What are you doing to me, Arden?” he asks.

“Trying to make you fall in love with me. Is it working?” I ask with a grin.

As he brings his other hand to my face, one of us moves first, but we both react. When our lips meet for the first time, it’s like a shock of electricity surging through my body. I know he feels it too, because he immediately pulls me up and onto his lap to straddle him. His hands wrap around my hips, and I break our kiss with a soft moan when he presses his thumbs into the bend of my hips. “Fuck,” I whisper.

“I don’t have the strength to stop now,” Levi says.

“Please don’t,” I whisper.

“If I don’t stop, I am going to fuck you, Arden,” Levi says matter-of-factly.

“Then what the fuck are we doing still sitting in this chair kissing for, Levi?” I ask with a mischievous grin. He immediately stands and turns me around before yanking my dress pants and panties down.

“I am not going to be gentle, Arden. Are you sure?” he asks.

“Please… Fuck me like it’s a punishment,” I say, bending over his desk to rest on my elbows. He grunts his approval before pushing three fingers inside my dripping cunt, making me moan.

“God, you are fucking soaked, Arden,” Levi says sweetly.

“Please… I need it hard, Levi. Ruin me.”

“Don’t say I didn’t warn you, pretty girl,” he says in an ominous tone. He pulls his fingers out of me and grips onto my hips. Without warning or a lead in, Levi buries his cock deep in my pussy and a feral moan rips from my throat as he starts to fuck me unbelievably hard and deep. I can’t form words, and my thoughts are jumbled as each bar of his piercings torture my insides with overwhelming pleasure. He has a Prince Albert that is hitting my G-spot and he is fucking brutal about the way he slams into it, making my legs shake.

I manage to move up to my hands more so I can push back, taking him harder. “Fuck yes!” I moan. Levi quickens his pace and surges into me faster and faster as I match his rhythm, meeting his force. We moan wildly in perfect harmony, and I have never felt a pleasure this addictive. His groans and grunts suddenly remind me that I am not on birth control, and he is fucking me raw.

“Fuck. Pull out. You have to pull out,” I choke. “I’m not on birth control.”

“Oh, sweet girl, you shouldn’t have told me that,” he says with a conniving tone. “I’m going to fucking fill you up.”

“What if I…” I start to ask. I stop when he pulls me up and wraps his hands around my throat.

“Are you warning me for my sake or yours?” he asks.

“Yours,” I choke out. “I would sell my soul to the devil to carry your baby.”

He tips my head back to whisper in my ear, and my entire body shivers. “Then bend over, shut up, and take my cock like a good girl,” he sneers. “I’m going to put my baby in your belly, Arden. I fucking own you now.”

“God yes,” I moan. When he releases me, I bend over, and he starts pounding into me hard and fast. I am nearly screaming through my orgasms, and the desk is holding the majority of my weight as he absolutely wrecks my pussy. This man has single-handedly ruined me from ever taking another cock, because no one will ever amount to just how goddamn good this feels. I have spent six months patiently waiting for the moment we would finally let ourselves connect. A part of me always knew there would come a day where everything broke at once, and today was that day. Today, he finally owns every part of my existence, mind, body, and soul included.

I am not jumping in headfirst. No, I am jumping in with both feet, and I will survive the fall. I know paranoia will find its way in eventually, but right now I know this is where we are meant to be. I know that a step too close would make the difference between us falling madly in love and us crashing and burning, but I will burn for eternity to keep feeling like this.

Each time our bodies collide, we both moan wildly, and we quicken our movements until I am in tears, and he is growling as he rails me into his desk. I can feel his cock swell inside of me just before he explodes and fills me with his come.

“Oh… My… God…” I pant. “You… You are a monster… I love monsters.”

Levi laughs breathlessly as he pulls my pants up and turns me around. “I hope you understand how serious I am,” Levi says.

“I can feel in my belly just how serious you are,” I laugh. “Levi, honey. I have never been so fucking sure of anything in my entire life. I know I will get scared and triggered, but I trust you. I trust that we can get through this and if one of us is too weak, we will pull the other out of the dark. With a clear mind, I am fucking jumping, Levi. I want this. I want us. We both deserve to be happy. Worst-case scenario, we part ways and move on. We have both lost so much of our soul to trauma that others have inflicted on us; we deserve this. We deserve to be happy.”

“Marry me?” he asks. I am stunned for a second, not knowing if he is serious. Before the paranoia can surface, he continues. “If we are going to jump, let’s jump in the deep end—together. We have been swimming upstream for years now, and we have survived far worse than a failed marriage. We deserve happiness, so let’s fucking take it.”

“Are you sure, Levi?” I ask. “I am needy sometimes. I snore when I’m sick. When I get overstimulated, I might rage and throw shit like a toddler. I cry during sappy commercials, and I am paranoid. I am so goddamn paranoid that I will pick a fight for no fucking reason just to try and prove to myself that you are a piece of shit. I’ll feel bad when I’m wrong and sob like a baby. I’m a lot, Levi…”

“Arden, no one is perfect, baby. I don’t want a perfect wife and perfect children. I want to be pushed every day to grow. I want someone who will keep me on my toes and encourage me to be a better man tomorrow than I was today. I don’t need a picture-perfect life because nothing about my life has been picture-perfect. If you want to rage and throw shit, baby, I will be right beside you with a broom to help clean up the mess. If you cry, I will wipe the tears away and lie when you ask if your face looks like a tomato,” he says, making me laugh as he wipes away my tears. “Baby, I want you. I want all the flaws and all the passion. I want every fucking pound of your baggage because I know we can carry ours together. If I have learned anything from you over the last seven months is, it’s that you never stop fucking fighting. You push until you get what you want, but you keep fucking pushing to see how far you can get. No matter what the goal is, you keep. Fucking. Pushing… I want you, Arden. Give me your absolute worst, because we both know we have already survived the pits of fucking hell.”

“Let’s get married then,” I say with a grin.

Levi kisses me hard as he picks me up in a hug and spins me around. “Call Macie and have them meet us for lunch,” he says. “We can tell our parents after.”

“Then you have to call Jett,” I say with a sweet smile. “I’m going to go clean up and change into new panties, since these are full of your come now.”

“You do that and then call Macie. I’ll have Jett meet us,” he says, kissing me again. “We can go to the house and work from there after.”

“Okay,” I smile.

I am fucking giddy as I grab my bag and go to the bathroom to call Macie. “Hey, girl,” she says.

“Are you still with Wilder?” I ask.

“I am. You’re on speaker now. What’s up?” she asks.

“Y’all want to meet for lunch?” I ask.

“Sure. We were going to go to The Red Tulip. That work?”

“Yeah,” I say. “So… I am going to tell you something, but I just want you to support me, okay?”

“Okay,” she says.

“Levi and I are getting married,” I say carefully.

“Oh my God!” she squeals, and I relax. “That is so amazing. Wait… today? After lunch?”

“Yeah. Levi is calling his brother to meet us,” I say. I turn to the door and Levi is smiling at me.

“Where are we meeting them?” he asks.

“The Red Tulip,” I say.

“I heard the squeal. I assume she approves?”

“Sounds like it,” I laugh.

“Good. Jett cried,” Levi laughs.

“Wilder, you are too quiet,” I say.

“Give him a sec. He is crying too,” Macie giggles.

“I am so fucking happy for you, Arden,” Wilder sniffs.

“Fuck you,” I say tearfully. “Why’d you have to go and cry, asshole?”

Macie and Levi laugh as he wraps me in a hug. “You have grown into an amazing woman, Arden. I’m serious,” Wilder says. “We have watched you two fall in love over the last seven months and it’s been incredible to see.”

“Levi,” Macie says seriously.

“Yes, ma’am?”

“If you hurt her, they will never find your fucking body,” Macie says seriously. “She deserves to be treated like a princess, so I better never fucking hear from her that you have been anything less than amazing to her.”

“I give you my word. I will pamper her so hard that she damn near suffocates from love,” Levi says playfully, making me giggle. “I promise. I will take care of her. Also… I have seen this girl in the gym. She’d kick my ass.”

“Yeah,” I laugh. “I totally could.”

“Meet us for lunch, and we can go to the little twenty-four-hour chapel,” Macie says.