Page 77 of A Simple Truth (the Freckled Fate #2)

76

GIDEON

P eople danced, laughed, drank, and ate all manner of food lining the long wooden tables on the small open field. Large flower arrangements decorated the space with a few hearths giving a bit of light and warmth to the dark surroundings swallowed by the shadows of the night. The playful music filled Dragon’s Island, as mages and humans joined Destroyers in a lively celebration of the newly-formed family.

“Well, you two are looking extra broody today.” Xentar approached us, casually sipping on his drink, his golden eyes giving Orest and I a sardonic look. But neither Orest, nor I felt like talking. In fact, we had been sitting away from the crowds in complete silence for a while now.

My eyes slipped back in the direction I had promised myself I wouldn’t look and yet, each blink, I had found them there again. Xentar curiously followed my sight.

“Ah...” he said, noticing Finn deep in conversation with Viyak next to a couple other freed slaves that had dared the outing. My heart skipped a beat each time my eyes landed on her.

She was particularly breathtaking today. Her hair, her dress, her charcoal lined eyes…Finn ran her fingers through her loose curls, moving them to the side as she smiled wide at whatever Viyak had just said.

Fucking breathtaking.

“You know, growing up, I never understood how my uncle could betray his brother, his people, his Emperor, and throw it all away for a woman. For the one who could never love him back. It seemed so foolish to me as a child. But now? I fucking get it...” I clenched my fists attempting to calm the burning fury within me as Viyak’s arm reached around her shoulders, squeezing her with a quick side hug as they laughed. “Gods, I would burn the world down if it meant she’d smile at me like that,” I mumbled, letting out a sharp sigh.

“Um, well, thanks for the heads up, brother.” Xentar chuckled. “But before you kill us all for a smile, have you considered getting flowers instead? A gift, perhaps?” He mocked me with his mouth stretched wide as I glared at him, but without my consent, my eyes returned to her, still laughing with him.

I fucking hated Viyak. I’d kill him right now if I knew that she wouldn’t hate me for it.

Fucking hell.

I hated this so damn much.

“Maybe you should go talk to them all. Viyak is a cool guy, and before you murder him, just know he is like an older brother to her. Nothing more, Gid. Again, emphasis on brother .” Xentar tried to calm me, but I didn’t reply; torn between pure agony within from not being near her, and relief seeing her okay, even from a distance.

I stood up, unable to bear another second of her being there with another man; my patience had officially run out as I felt my blood turning to molten lava. I had to go before I’d lose whatever forbearance remained.

“Good night, gentlemen.” I marched off, suffocating under the usually comforting weight of the armor. Instead of following the pull of my heart and my soul, I meandered in the opposite direction, away from her, away from the music and the celebrating crowds, into the quiet midnight darkness.

“ Gideon.” Finn called out my name, approaching me in the dark.

I closed my eyes as a little shiver ran down my spine at the sound of her voice, braving myself to face her as I turned around. She stood there, illuminated by the moon, the overgrown grass reaching her knees, the night wind rustling her perfect hair as her eyes speared straight through my heart.

She was perfection.

“Finnleah.” I dipped my head in a tense greeting, glad that there was still a bit of distance between us as my chest expanded in painful breaths at her presence.

“It was a beautiful ceremony today.” She took another step closer, and I clenched my fists, digging my nails deep into the scars of my burnt hand.

“It was indeed,” I replied, attempting to keep my voice calm, clinging to the stronghold of my guarded heart with all my might so I wouldn’t crumble under her gaze.

“I am glad you came. I’ve missed seeing you around,” she said, and it felt like a lashing against my heart.

“Do not say things you do not mean, Finnleah. Especially out of guilt or pity. I do not require your false pretenses or your imploration of kindness.” My stomach twisted as I sharply replied.

Her eyes turned lethal as she looked at me.

“I didn't lie, if that’s what you’re implying. Nor do I feel guilty for my actions.” She took a heavy breath. “What is it that you require of me, General? My heartfelt apologies? My remorse for freeing slaves? Because I refuse to feel bad about saving people I care for.” Her voice turned somber but direct. “You knew, better than anyone here, of my past. I thought you’d understand.” Her eyes narrowed as she clenched her jaw.

“Understand you ?” I snarled, fighting the desperation taking over me. “That’s one thing I am clearly incapable of. You’ve deceived me, you’ve poisoned my people, and snuck out in the middle of the night like a traitor. You’ve abandoned me without so much as a whisper of a goodbye, and if none of that was enough, you foolishly marched down there looking for Death to embrace you. You could’ve died there, Finnleah. You could’ve been dead!” I spat out.

“You made the repercussions of your involvement perfectly clear. And for once, I tried to avoid them by doing what I thought was best. I was not going to pay the price for one with many, but I was willing to pay the price of their freedom with myself.” Her body tensed and her voice turned harsher. “You would have done the same for your people, you know that!”

“I would not have done the same …” I seethed, the muscle in my jaw cramped as I clenched my teeth.

“Even so, if I could go back in time, I’d still march there right now, and I’d save them all again and again. And if I died doing that, I would be honored, because I would have finally died for something good,” she blurted out in anger. “Death doesn’t scare me, General, but dying with regrets does.”

“Oh no, you are definitely not afraid of death. I am well aware of that by now.” I turned to the side, letting out a sharp breath. “But do not hide behind your noble ‘savior’ pretenses the true reason why you left me…” I growled, even as our eyes filled with heated fury. “Have you ever considered the scars and carnage left in your wake?”

“Carnage and scars?! Carnage and scars?! YOU are the one who started the war, Gideon! I didn’t ask for it. I tried to do everything I could to avoid it. I had made a promise and I left to fulfill it. I asked you for no help! But you started a whole godsdamned war!” she now shouted, throwing her arms out, failing to reel in her pent-up rage.

“Yes, I have started a war and I’d start ten more...” I hissed under my breath.

“Why? Why?! Why ?!” Finnleah paced, her hands running through her hair. “Why would you risk the lives of so many for one?!” She gave up keeping her voice cool. “It’s the most idiotic thing you have ever done!” She stopped pacing, turning to glower at me.

“ Why?! Are you truly too damn blind to see why?!” I tried to keep my voice cool, yet it was pointless; my eyes met hers as her brows furrowed with scorching silence. I let out a painful scoff. “Fine… if you truly want to know why, then I will tell you why.” My heart raced, or perhaps it stopped beating all together, I wasn’t sure, as the words poured out of me between ragged breaths. “Because I fucking love you, Finnleah! Because my whole soul trembles in your presence, my heart bleeds when you are away, and air burns like acid when you are not close. Because there isn’t a price I wouldn’t pay for you. I’d start a million more wars for you. I’d burn this whole fucking world down if it meant you’d be near.” My hands were shaking as I ran them through my hair. “Do you think I planned any of this?” I took a step away from her, unable to bear the pain of her silence. “The moment I learned I wielded raw fire I spent my life looking for the woman who was supposed to rule with me, who would be my companion, my wife. Year after year, I had longed for her, dreamed of her, hoped that soon she’d find me, and I’d find her. Years , Finnleah, I spent years. And then I had given up. I had mourned the life I dreamed of, and I’d moved on. I’d long accepted the idea of never finding her, of being forever alone.” I rubbed my face with both of my hands, letting out a heavy sigh as my voice calmed.

“Do you think that when I saw a half-feral slave that day in Inadios’ manor I had any clue…that I had any idea that I wouldn’t be able to sleep, that food would lose its taste, and life would lose its meaning, because all I could think about was you ? That I couldn’t care less about war, rebellion, slaves, or anything else for that matter, only thinking of finding you? That I would spend months and months scavenging the whole of Esnox, looking for the freckled woman who stole my soul? That I would spend nights on my knees, begging Fate to grant me a chance at seeing you again? That when I was dying that day by the Cursed Forest, all I would think was I finally found her? That when that glide tore you to shreds, I, for the first time in my entire damn life, would feel terror? Such terror that I spent the following weeks destroying our first line of defense, destroying every single glide, haunted by the memories of it hurting you?” I swallowed hard, my chest aching as my anguish filled eyes stared into hers. “So yes, I started a war for you, and I’d start a million more. I’d kill for you. I’d die for you. I would do anything you wish me to. You are the one I love, Finnleah. You are the one I desire. You are the one that holds the entirety of my body and soul. And if that’s not enough, then please tell me what is.” I didn’t care as despair mixed with hurt poured out of me.

“You are the Emperor-to-be, Gideon… You are the Ruler of Esnox—” She shook her head, her chest moving with uneven breaths.

“Is that it?” I asked, taking a step closer, fighting the urge to hold her, yet losing the battle as my hand found hers. “If my title is so scary to you, then I’ll relinquish my rein. I’ll give up my claim to the throne right now.” My previously heated voice turned into anxious whispers as my eyes desperately scanned hers.

“You can’t do that,” she opposed. “You have people relying on you.”

“Yes, I can. And I gladly would. I do not care for the empire if you are not the one ruling it with me, Finnleah. And if you do not wish to rule it, then so be it.”

“It’s not that simple…You can’t just abandon your people on a whim,” she objected again, her eyes darting between mine.

“It is actually that simple. There—” I pulled both of my swords in one motion, throwing them far into the grass. “Done.”

“You can’t do that, not like this…” She turned to see the swords glistening in the moonlight. “You can’t do this, Gideon,” she repeated, but her eyes said the words she couldn’t. A painful, bitter frown appeared on my face as my eyes darkened.

“No, the truth is I can. You are the one who can’t.” I let out a harsh breath as my lungs agonizingly collapsed, leaving me suffocating.

“It’s not…I…” She struggled for words, each moment tearing me apart. “Love will leave you with nothing but bleak embers in the end. It’s better not to love at all than to give in and then suffer for eternity,” she uttered, her words like poison, drowning me beyond life.

I scoffed at her reply. “I never took you for a coward.”

“Well, maybe I am one,” she replied, her voice turning to ice. “Because I am terrified. Petrified. I am so afraid that I’d let myself have this feeling of happiness only for it to be yanked away from me. Only for me to find myself picking up the pieces again and again, until there is nothing left of me but ashes. I almost died the last time my heart got broken. And you and I both know, if I allow myself to fully love you, to give you my soul and my heart, then there is no going back. There is no ‘after you’ for me, Gideon. There is only you. And if I let myself love you, if I let myself truly love you, and something happens, I won’t survive it. I will not live. The part of me that kept me alive this far is terrified of that. So yes, I am afraid to let my feelings for you roam free. I mean, for gods’ sake, we are in the middle of a fucking war, and you are walking with the biggest target on your back…” Her eyes closed as she added, “Just because I have survived this far doesn’t mean I am not broken.”

“Your scars have run so deep that they have turned into knives,” I replied, my throat tightened, and breaths became difficult to take. “You’ve bitten me, you’ve stabbed me, you’ve burned me, you’ve shot me, you’ve poisoned me and killed me, yet none of it agonizes me as much as seeing you letting fear guide your life.” I looked at her trembling figure surrounded by shadows, even as she looked away from me. “I think you’ve gotten so damn good at surviving in this dark tempest of despair, that even when you see there is a shore, that there is salvation, you’d still rather drown in the comforting turmoil than take a terrifying chance,” I tilted my head up, staring at the flickering stars above me, feeling the walls within me crumbling, the earth beneath my feet spinning, as my soul slowly fell into the abyss. “Perhaps one day, that fear saved you but now it’s nothing but a weapon. You are so terrified to be traumatized again that you’ve failed to notice that your fear has shattered me...” The cold night wind carried the unspoken words as I turned to her, letting her see through the deepness of my soul as her eyes locked with mine. “But I guess that’s where we differ, because despite the sorrow, and the anguish, despite my shredded, bleeding heart, I would still choose to love you, Finnleah. I would still hope and dream to fall in love with you in this life and the next and the one after. I would still look for your face amidst the crowds day after day. I would still wake up each day wishing to care for you.” I glanced at the celebrating crowds dancing and singing far in the field. “But the truth is you’d rather be afraid, than be with me. And that’s one battle I cannot win,” I said more to myself than to her. “Goodbye, Finnleah.” My whisper echoed into the night. I grabbed my swords, not daring to look at her as I forced my feet to move, my legs feeling as if they were lead, dragging with each step. My vision blurred, and my whole body shook as I walked until the midnight darkness swallowed me whole.

I found Orest’s tall figure lurking in the shadows, observing the celebration, as he rested his shoulder against the tree.

“Do I need to ask?” His gray eyes scanned over me, assessing the dangerous agony burning within me.

“No,” I replied sternly, not caring for pleasantries, but neither did Orest. “Do you want to go hunting?” I pointed with my chin at him, and he smirked as he unfolded his arms, a similarly brutal look accompanied by anguish painted on his face.

“I thought you’d never ask.” He straightened up. “What did you have in mind? Human? Mages? Creatures?” he asked.

“ Destroyers,” I replied.