Page 9 of A Royal’s Soul (Soul Match #3)

Persephone Flores

Ardens Estate was immense. Tall, thick black metal gates greeted us upon arrival, and guardsmen in light grey uniform heaved them open for us to pass.

“Your face is nearly pressed against the window,” Selene said humorously, “Are you that impressed?” she asked as we drove along a long, paved driveway towards an imposing mansion.

It reminded me almost of Selene’s cousin Amelia’s home, but was much larger—maybe ten times the size or more—with miniature peaked turrets like that of Borealis Castle.

On either side of the driveway were manicured lawns that held stone artworks, with benches dotted around.

“The Ardens Estate is different from what I pictured,” I said, unable to pull my eyes away from the statues as we drove slowly past them.

I had never imagine that a man like Valen came from a place so full of art—like something I had only seen in books or in a brochure for the art gallery in Viridis, that I had begged Father to visit one summer. But the journey was too long and costly, so I had never got to go.

“Is that a naked man?” I asked, shocked, distracted from my memories as we passed a stone figure that looked to be that of a nude man gardening.

Selene’s laughter filled the car.

“Man at Work,” Selene said. “It’s one of my favourite pieces. It was one of my mother’s first purchases as a young woman. Bought with the sole purpose of ruffling my grandfather.”

I turned from the window to Selene. She had mentioned her mother so sparingly—hardly at all, and nothing of any significance. I wanted to know about her, but it felt wrong to ask. I didn’t know how to approach the subject of the late Queen. Not when her passing was so recent and not when Selene never spoke of her.

“Did it have the desired effect?” I asked. Selene smiled, the kind of smile that I had once thought only for me, but I knew now that I shared this smile with her mother; it warmed me.

“Oh yes,” she laughed. “Mother told me the story many times, of how grandfather was so angry he could not speak. He could hardly bear to look upon it.”

“I’m guessing that’s why it’s on the front lawn then,” I said, amused.

“Exactly. Grandfather was aghast. It wasn’t that it offended him as such, but more that he didn’t like his little girl looking at such pornography. Mother reminded him that it was not pornography but art. That the artist had spent hundreds—thousands—of hours carving the fine specimen from stone,” Selene explained.

“She told me that for a solid month, he demanded the curtains of any west-facing room he entered be drawn and that he would not look at—never mind set foot in the front west garden lawn.” Selene reached past me and pointed outside.

“That bench there was placed at my mother’s request. Whenever she wanted space from my grandfather she would sit and admire her statue, guaranteed that he would not disturb her.”

I giggled, imagining a young woman resembling Selene hiding from her father in plain sight. “She must have been amusing to be around,” I said.

“She was, yes,” Selene agreed and I turned back to her, in time to see her smile fade from around her eyes. Selene took my hand and squeezed it lightly. “The Ardens’ estate is full of art, a love that my mother and grandmother shared. And my grandfather could deny his girls nothing,” she explained.

“Do you share that love of art? Will you show me all your favourites?” I asked her, excited and hopeful. I wanted to know everything about Selene, every like and dislike, every little detail of anything that captured her attention.

“I will make time to give you a tour of the grounds. But I worry that I will not be able to dedicate as much time to you as I would like,” she told me as the car came to a stop outside a grand entrance. There were no stairs, but a large, flat stoned path that led to extremely tall, wide, and intricately carved wooden doors

One of the large doors was already open for our arrival. My car door was opened by a waiting servant and at the slight pressure of Selene’s hand on my lower back, I exited the car with Selene following behind me. She took hold of my hand again and pulled me closer to her.

“My Royal Highness, welcome home,” greeted the servant who had opened the car door. Selene nodded in acknowledgement. “The master rooms have been prepared for your arrival.”

“Thank you.” She paused briefly, and I realised she was waiting for the servant to provide her name.

“I am Elies of Ardens, my Royal Highness,” the woman introduced herself.

“How long have you served here, Elies?” Selene questioned, her tone almost accusatory.

“For less than a year, my Royal Highness,” Elies answered. “The late Marquess appointed me,” she continued diplomatically when Selene did not speak further. Valen’s name was not allowed to be spoken. I wasn’t sure if it was an official law, but I hadn’t heard anyone say his name since the execution.

“What happened to Bethany?” Selene continued, with an inquisitor’s tone.

“She retired, left the grounds to live with her daughter in Newtown village,” Elies explained quickly.

“Hmm,” was all Selene replied. I saw Elies, a woman who looked to be somewhere in her early thirties perhaps, with dull brown hair and bright green eyes, swallow uncomfortably before doing a little nod as if giving herself an internal pep talk.

I knew that type of effect Selene could have, the way she could manage to make you nervous with nothing more than a hum or a look.

Elies gathered her confidence and continued, waving her arm outward towards the castle-like mansion.

“If you would follow me, please. Your bags will be collected and brought to your rooms shortly,” she said, and began to lead the way towards the open door.

“I understand that the journey from Sanguis to Ardens is long. Lunch is ready and will be available at your request, but I presumed that you and Lady Flores,” she glanced at me briefly and smiled awkwardly; I returned the gesture. I didn’t think I would ever get used to being referred to formally—“would like to freshen up after your journey first.”

“Yes,” Selene replied curtly.

We followed Elies along a hall and up two flights of stairs.

“This is the private wing for the Marquess and Marchioness,” Selene told me quietly as Elies produced a large key, unlocking and pushing open a door. The turning of the lock produced a loud clatter, as if something was falling, and the way Elies had to shoulder the door open suggested it was heavy.

The door appeared to be made of steel or iron. Nothing like any door I had seen before.

“The door is reinforced, designed to be barricaded from the inside if necessary,” she explained. My look of confusion must have been apparent.

“A pulley system, activated by the turning of the lock, helps the door to be opened more easily, without which the weight would be unmanageable for almost all apart from pure-blooded vampires.”

“In case we’re attacked?” I asked.

“Hmm, or perhaps for other purposes.” She paused and looked away from me.

“What other purposes?” I asked, my curiosity spiked. I didn’t catch the slight quirk of her lips, until it was too late.

Before I could react, she turned on me—quick as lightning—wrapping her arms around my waist, lifting me from my feet, and spinning me around and over her shoulder.

I squealed in surprise and was rewarded with the sound of Selene’s muted laughter vibrating through her back to me.

“Your assistance is no longer required. Have our bags left at the door,” Selene said, as she walked quickly past a stunned Elies.

The woman’s face was pale. I watched her from my position hanging over Selene’s shoulder, feeling heat in my own cheeks, embarrassed by the way Selene handled me in front of this stranger. But my heart beat wildly in excitement, all the same.

The ground spun as Selene turned and easily shut the thick metal door, pulling a large bar down into place across the door. I saw symbols, signs of very old enchantments.

“You’re trapped now.” Selene laughed.

“Put me down,” I demanded as we turned a corner and began to ascend a spiral staircase.

Selene only laughed harder and climbed the stairs three steps at a time until we reached the top.

I heard the click of a door and watched the floor as Selene carried me over the threshold of a room before Selene placed me on my feet in the centre of the room.

The room was circular, with tall but slim windows, covering one-half of the walls. Even the bed was circular, with a white canopy draping from the ceiling. There was a closed door, but the room itself was sparse and relatively small. I turned to Selene, and she looked at me expectantly, a slight smile on her lips.

I was confused, not knowing what she wanted from me, what game were we playing? My confusion must have been clear, and I noticed the way her smile faded.

“I’m sorry,” I apologised, though I wasn’t sure what I was apologising for.

“I thought you would be excited,” she said, waving her hand around, “by this.”

I looked around. The room held only a bed. “The bed is an unusual shape?” I tried.

She smiled before laughing, “Yes, it is,” she agreed.

“This is the Tower Rooms,” she continued. “I thought it would remind you of your horrible romances and—"

“I can’t believe I didn’t see it!” I interrupted her, realisation sparked by her words. “We’re in one of the pointed towers, like the fair maiden and the knight, Selene!”

I ran to one of the windows. “There’s no way a knight in armour is fitting through one of these windows. I don’t think I could,” I commented excitedly.

“I can’t believe rooms like this really exist.”

Selene was beside me when I turned to her. “No, these windows are thin—a design to help prevent attacks by arrows, or to hide archers. Ardens Estate was first constructed some two centuries ago when such warfare was to be expected,” she explained.

“No knight will be climbing through the windows of your tower. I’d see them pinned on the outer walls with arrows for daring to try. But you can be the fair maiden trapped in my tower—you’d play the part well,” she mused, reaching out to trace her fingertips lightly along my jaw.

“You’re not my captor,” I told her and tried not to pout when she pulled her hand away.

“You think you are free?” she asked me, tilting her head slightly, and a spark of anxiety flared within me.

I knew that technically, I wasn’t free—not as such—but I wasn’t a captive either. I mean, sure, I couldn’t leave, but I didn’t want to.

“I’m not your captive,” I replied and looked out the window, the feeling within me fleeting but worryingly unsure.

“You sound so certain, pet,” she said, wrapping her arm around my waist and pulling me away from the window and against her.

“I am sure,” I replied, steeling my gaze.

“Wilfully ignorant,” she responded. Her eyes glowed briefly, a flash of sadness passing over her features that confused me. “I want to keep you all to myself. I want to lock you away, where there is no escape—no one who could ever rescue you from me.”

“Then why don’t you?” I challenged.

“Have I not done so already?” she asked in return, a smug smile playing on her lips.

“Stop,” I demanded and tried to push myself away from her. I didn’t like the way our conversation was going, but her hold held me in place.

“You’re being dramatic,” I accused, frustrated. Selene was never, could never be a villain, not to me. We were soul-matched. Bonded irrevocably. I didn’t care what Dylan thought, or Ana for that matter, even if she didn’t come right out and say what she thought. Selene was no monster. She never had been.

“I stole you away from your life, your family, your home. You are willingly my captive,” she told me.

“Selene, that’s not true. I mean, I am willingly yours,” I winked at her playfully, trying to change the mood, and felt immediately mortified by my gesture, but she didn’t howl with laughter, so I steadied myself and continued.

“You are more than my soul match,” I whispered the words, unsure if it was safe to utter them, but Selene did not reprimand me, so it must have been safe to do so.

“I loved you before there was a bond. I loved you because I saw you. I saw your kindness, your care, your strength. I saw you, Selene. And I loved the person I saw you to be. I was willing to risk my life for the woman I knew you to be before there was any bond. And yes, selfishly, I hoped you saw me too. I hoped you loved who I was. But I knew it might never happen. I knew you might never choose me. But I chose you.”

Was she always this unsure? Did she always doubt my feelings towards her? Was that why she was blocking the full effects of our bond even now? Was she testing me? Testing if I would love her regardless of the soul match bond?

I gripped the woollen jumper she wore—so thin, it couldn’t have provided much relief from the cold, but she didn’t need it—and pulled myself tighter to her, pressing my face against her collar.

Her arms tightened around me. “I apologise for my weakness,” she said softly, more a mumble into my hair, before pressing her lips against my head. “Let’s continue with a tour of the tower rooms,” she said, releasing me from her hold and taking my hand in hers.

She walked us to the only door, other than the one we had entered the room by. The door had a lock, the key left inside and Selene opened it with a soft click.

“Another lock,” I commented.

“Yes, the door and frame are enchanted—another layer of protection, but hopefully not necessary,” she explained.

The door opened to reveal a rather large dressing room. Built-in clothes and shoe racks lined either side of the rectangular room. No windows were visible. Two vanities sat in the centre of the room, back to back to each other, and another door was on the opposite wall facing us.

“This is the dressing room. Come,” she said, walking past the marble vanities with intricate gold-framed mirrors and towards the door on the opposite side of the room. “Through here is the bathroom.”

She opened the door, another turn of a key, and I assumed another enchanted door, to reveal the bathroom. The floor, walls, and even the ceiling were tiled in shades of blue and turquoise green; it reminded me of the sea. Slim windows, like the bedroom, graced half the circular room's walls. A large grey metal tub sat proudly in the centre of the room, raised like on a stage with a step up to it. A sink stood in the corner, and opposite it, the toilet.

There was yet another door near the windows that looked like the door leading to the tower rooms on the floor below, but here I could see the weighted pulley system that Selene had referred to.

Large bronze-coloured cylindrical weights on chains hung on either side of the door.

“Through that door is the only other entrance to the tower rooms. It leads to hallway, which leads to another staircase and to one of the servant kitchens. In the old days, before the plumbing was updated, the servants would use this entrance to bring hot water to fill the bath,” Selene explained, following my gaze.

“The bathtub is older than indoor plumbing?” I asked.

I stepped forward and saw that it was tarnished in some places, evidence of time having left a mark. Selene hummed in the affirmative.

Selene stepped forward and retook my hand. “I want to show you something else, something I believe perhaps only I and my aunt are now aware of,” she said, leading us back to the dressing room.

“A secret?” I asked.

“A secret room.” She smiled conspiratorially and removed the chair from the vanity that faced the bedroom door.

“Under here,” she said, releasing my hand and dropping to her knees, crawling under the vanity and into the small space.

“It is sealed with a blood lock. Only those directly descended from my great-great-great-great-grandfather may open it,” she told me.

“A blood seal?” I asked. “Blood magic?”

“An old type of blood magic. It’s not very popular anymore. Most blood magic has fallen out of popular use. People fear what they do not understand. Come down here, pet, and watch,” she instructed.

I got on my hands and knees and watched as she carefully lifted a very small section of carpet.

“It should take just one drop,” she said, before lifting her hand to her mouth and pricking the tip of her finger with a fang.

I was curious for a moment, entranced by the way her lip lifted and her fangs descended at will. I had covered the basics of vampire anatomy in my classes, but I had simply assumed that the appearance of the fangs was driven by emotion or mechanically induced by pressing above the fang cavity. Now, I learned that it was an action done at will.

“You’re staring,” she commented, without lifting her gaze to me.

“Your fangs,” I said, a little embarrassed, “are interesting.”

“Pondering over my anatomy? I could give you a lesson,” she teased with a smirk as she moved her finger, red with a large drop of her blood, towards the old wooden floorboard revealed by the lifting of the carpet.

It didn’t look special. Nothing about the dark, almost blackened wood suggested it was a blood seal. But when she pressed her finger to the wood, the magic was brought to life.

The single drop of blood lit up in a magical glow and spread supernaturally through grooves in the wood that were not perceptible before. A circular crest appeared and glowed briefly. “That should be it,” Selene said, turning and smiling to me.

She gestured for me to back up and I crawled out from under the vanity. I expected Selene to pull the rest of the carpet up, but instead, she replaced it carefully, concealing the magical seal.

“This way,” she instructed, a smile tugging at her lips. I could almost feel her excitement—something similar to childlike joy. It was contagious; or maybe the bond was leaking past her enchantments again and I was feeling Selene’s emotions.

She grabbed my hand and dragged me—just slightly too fast—towards a wardrobe on the left side of the room, framing the clothing and shoe racks at either side. If she had not had a hold of my hand, I would have fallen at the speed she used. Instead, I stumbled into her.

“Selene,” I said, laughing but in slight warning, “I’m not a vampire, I can’t move like you.”

She turned to me and smiled apologetically. “Forgive me, pet. I’m rather excited,” she told me. Her demeanour since we arrived at the Ardens Estate had been different. It wasn’t a bad different. It was less reserved, more playful.

“I haven’t been here since I was a child, and Mother showed me the entrance,” she explained. “You are not hurt?” she asked, her eyes glancing over me, checking.

“No,” I smiled back. “Show me! I’m excited too!” Her joy really was contagious.

She turned back to the wardrobe and opened the door. Releasing my hand, she knelt down and removed a false bottom to the wardrobe. It wasn’t a large wardrobe by any means. It would hardly hide one person behind some coats. The false bottom lifted easily enough; a glimmer of magic reflected off the edges and revealed a ladder.

“It’s a hatch,” I stated.

“But where does it lead?” Selene asked, turning to grin at me. “Follow me,” she instructed and stood, confidently lowering herself through the small hatch and descending the ladder.

“Don’t keep me waiting, pet,” she said as she descended past my view.

The hole the hatch revealed was black when I looked down. I couldn’t even see Selene. Maybe her hair camouflaged her. I was nervous, fearful of a fall—how far I didn’t know.

Shakily, I tried to find the first rung of the ladder and held onto the sides of the wardrobe, my knuckles turning white with how tightly I grasped, scared of falling. I screamed in fright when I felt a hand wrap around my ankle.

“It’s only me,” Selene said softly while guiding my foot to the rung. “Don’t be so fearful,” she reprimanded gently, but I heard the annoyance in her tone, the impatience.

“Yes, ma’am,” I replied and took a steadying breath before lowering myself fully into the hatch.

“It’s not far, pet,” she told me. “You could let go, and I would catch you,” she suggested.

“That’s okay,” I said as blackness surrounded me.

“You trust a random shifter to catch you but not me?” she said, referring to Mhari.

“That was different,” I complained while gripping onto each rung as tightly as I could.

“Different how?” she asked. “I’m at the bottom; you only have a few more rungs,” she informed me.

I felt her hands on the back of my calves, and with another rung they moved to my waist, and she pulled me unexpectedly from the ladder.

I produced a screech of fright before I was placed on my feet.

Surrounded by darkness, I was relieved to see Selene’s eyes glowing bright.

“Well, tell me, how was it different?” she asked.

The blackness felt like it pressed in on me. I had no idea how large the space I was, standing in was and even the light from the top of the hatch did not descend this far.

“It was a different situation, Selene. Stop being jealous,” I told her frustratedly. It was colder where we were, and I suddenly felt very uneasy, unsafe.

Selene growled, her eyes narrowing. “Do not accuse me of jealousy,” she warned.

“Then stop acting so,” I replied.

I jumped in fright at the feel of her hand taking me by the jaw. “Enough insolence, or I’ll leave you here alone,” she threatened.

“You wouldn’t dare,” I replied, but I felt my heart rate rocket at the threat.

She turned her face from me, and I was deprived of even the glow of her eyes—complete blackness.

“Selene, you wouldn’t?” I asked.

She turned back to me. “Why do you doubt me?” she asked, and moved her hand slowly from my jaw, down my neck, resting her fist around my throat like a necklace. Oddly, it calmed me. The way her fingers pressed against my racing pulse was soothing. She was with me—I wasn’t alone in the darkness.

“I don’t,” I replied, and she growled in response. “I don’t mean to. It’s just—it was a different situation. I had no choice; it wasn’t about trust. I was running from the academy guard—I was trying to get to you! I’d have jumped with no one to catch me if I really had to,” I explained.

“And you can’t threaten to leave me here in the dark and then ask why I doubt you. That’s not fair,” I told her, anger bubbling to the surface.

“Nothing is fair,” she said, and released my throat.

“Selene?” I questioned, panicked, as she turned from me. She didn’t respond.

Panic swelled quickly within my chest. I felt my breaths becoming shorter, my lungs constricting.

“This isn’t funny, Selene. You know I can’t see a thing,” I said, trying not to sound as frightened as I was.

“Selene!” I almost yelled. Had she left me?

I screamed and jumped in fright when my arm was taken. “Shh, pet, I’m here. I was finding the torch,” she explained, and a spark filled the darkness—then another—and suddenly there was a flame lighting a small circle, revealing Selene and stone walls.

She held her hand out towards me, and I took it quickly. “Leaving you down here was an empty threat. You know I would never leave you behind,” she said.

“Not all your threats are empty,” I replied.

“I never said they were,” she said, and the way the orange glow of the fire lit her face cast enough shadow to make her smirk extra threatening.

“Where are we?” I asked, internally shaking off my panic as she began to guide me slowly away from the ladder.

“We are in the secret passageways. My mother showed them to me when I was a girl. They lead to the servants’ kitchen, but the exist was blocked by cabinets many years ago. They also lead to beyond the grounds of the estate—an escape route. That is where I am taking you now.”

“Why are you showing me this?” I asked.

“Does it not interest you?” she questioned, and I heard uncertainty in her voice.

“The secret passageways of Ardens Estate intrigued and excited me as a child,” she explained, and I felt terrible, realising that she only wished to share with me something that held happy memories for her.

“It does. It does, really. I’m sorry. I think I’m just a little scared of the dark, after… well, yeah,” I said and became aware of the anxiety I felt, which had begun the moment I had looked down into the blackness of the hatch.

I didn’t enjoy how reminders of the summer would sneak up on me, wrap me up in anxiety and fear, and affect my emotions without my notice. It was insidious. Would it ever stop?

“I did not think,” Selene replied speaking quietly.

“You have nothing to fear, not with me. I will show you by touch where the oil torches and spark makers are kept. Not that you could enter the passageway without me—the seal would not unlock the hatch without my blood—but for your peace of mind.”

“Thank you,” I said, and squeezed her hand affectionately. “I can imagine you were never the type to be scared of the dark, not if you were exploring the secret passageways by yourself.”

“The dark is not dark to me, pet. You have studied vampire anatomy,” she said, almost reprimanding.

“I wondered if you had night vision. Not all purebloods do,” I answered.

“Why didn’t you ask?” she asked.

I shrugged, “I would feel awkward asking, I guess. You don’t always answer my questions anyway,” I said, and added quietly, cheekily, “You can be a little scary.”

“That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t ask,” she said and turned to me. “Take the risk.” She winked, and the way the fire of the torch lit her face with a warm orange glow in the darkness made her something beautifully terrifying.

“Wow,” I said, the sound softly whooshing from my lips, unconsciously giving voice to my admiration.

Selene’s laughter made me painfully aware of myself.

“We’re almost there,” she told me, turning back to the path ahead. “We take the turn on the left,” she said just as a fork in the so-far-straight path became visible.

We took the left path and walked for a few more minutes. Selene stopped us and pointed up, holding the torch high so I could see another ladder.

“I won’t be able to reach that without a boost,” I said.

“It pulls down,” she told me, reaching up. Her fingers just caught the lowest rung, and she pulled it down, the ladder clattering loudly as it fell to about my waist height.

“I need to put the torch out. Look here—there is a shelf cut out of the stone.” I saw, just to the side of the ladder, a small alcove in the stone. There was something already placed in the alcove long—like a giant candle snuffer.

Selene picked up the snuffer and showed me how she used it to put out the torch.

“I’m putting the torch and snuffer back on the shelf. There is also a spark lighter, flint, and stone, in the alcove. There is a similar shelf back at the dressing room entrance.”

I nodded, and soon we were in darkness again. “Selene,” I called worriedly.

“I’m here,” she said and took my hand. “I need to ascend first. My blood is necessary to open the seal above,” she explained. “I’m going to place your hand on the first rung of the ladder. Follow behind me. It’s not far; you won’t fall,” she encouraged before I felt the cold metal of the ladder and her hand left mine.

I heard her climb the ladder. “Follow me, pet,” she instructed, and I took hold of the ladder, moving my hands to the sides and upward before stepping onto the first rung to follow.

Soon, I could see daylight from the open exit and I was relieved when Selene’s face appeared above the opening. She reached out, easily pulling me up and out the secret passageway.

We were outside, on a hillside. Shrubbery surrounded us and acted as cover.

“We’re outside the estate grounds?” I asked as I looked around.

“Barely,” Selene answered. “Look there.” She took my shoulders and turned me. “The apple orchard is on a hill but just above the treeline, you can see the mansion.” I saw the pointed towers of the mansion. We weren’t far at all. A short run really—up the hill to the apple orchards.

“If the building was built with such concern for safety—barricaded doors and secret passageways—why was it built downhill?” I questioned.

“Below us, there are many old mines. My mother’s ancestors made their fortune through mining. There were large deposits of coal and oil in the sea territory that once belonged to Ardens. The ground here is not safe to build upon,” she explained.

“Does Ardens still mine?” I asked curiously.

“Not so much, not coal anyway. Some time ago, when my mother was a child, they found a deposit of sapphire. Very small deposits weren’t unusual, but this was larger and restored the wealth of Ardens for a generation at least. New and existing avenues of trade and revenue must be funded if Ardens is to keep its place and prestige in the north,” Selene explained, and she sounded drained, exhaling softly.

“This is a problem you’ve been worried about?” I asked.

She nodded and began to walk further uphill. I followed her silently, taking her arm and offering a smile when she glanced down at me.

To my surprise, there was an old stone, either carved by man or time, to resemble a bench. Selene took a seat and faced the estate. I sat beside her. From here, we had a vantage point of most of the estate.

“Can people see us?” I asked.

“Most likely,” she replied and rested her head on my shoulder. I rested my head against her in return.

“Won’t they wonder how we got here?” I asked, worried we would give the secret passageway’s location away.

“Let them wonder. The older servants will know, to some extent, of the passageways—no doubt, it is their home too—but without my blood or a relative, they can’t gain access, not without tearing down the walls.”

“Are you very worried?” I asked.

“About?” she questioned, and I felt the full weight of her rest against me. It was nice. The stone was cold, draining the heat from my buttocks, but Selene beside me was warm and heavy.

“Ardens, and trade and stuff,” I tried.

“No, yes,” she sighed, “I worry not for Ardens. This could be our home someday. A real home. No throne, no duties—well, none like that of a kingdom—and no laws that really matter to hinder us. Viridis have set a precedent for generations. They award titles within their House to any in line regardless of status. We could follow their lead. Have a child of our own, maybe—" my breath caught in my throat in surprise, “sometime far in the future,” she added, “Ardens could be safe for us.”

I listened carefully, sure that my heart had sped up at the mention of a child. I was unaware that Selene was planning our future. It made me nervous—a sick kind of nervous. I wasn’t ready. Was she planning to abdicate the throne? To give up everything she had ever known or wanted for me? What did that mean? What kind of impact would that have on the kingdom? On us?

“You… Kids? Selene, I’m… I’m not ready and… and you don’t want to be queen?” I asked her slowly, trying and failing not to let my shock and worry show.

“It might be necessary in order to have you like I desire,” Selene finally responded, lifting her head from my shoulder and facing the Ardens Estate.

“Is it what you want?” I continued, my heart thumping against my chest, horribly aware that Selene would be able to hear it. What did she think it meant? I wasn’t even sure how I felt.

“I thought I knew what I wanted. I never doubted my role or my future. I knew what lay ahead of me. I was content. I thought I was. But then I thought I had lost you. In the face of losing you, I found that you are all that truly matters to me. Ardens could be safe. A few cousins that I might personally behead if they become too much of a pain—but keep a pig fat, and it doesn’t complain,” she said, sighing again, and her head dipped as she looked down at her lap. I took hold of her hand and dragged it into my lap.

“I thought you didn’t like Viridis? Now you want to be like them?” I asked, still confused.

Selene growled, more a grumble, and laughed in response. “Auster scum,” she said.

“Hey!” I laughed.

“You lost; deal with it,” Selene replied, entwining our fingers. “But in all seriousness, you are correct—I do not like Viridis or their disregard for our customs.”

“And yet you want to disregard custom,” I replied.

“For you, I would sow chaos in the land, break apart the kingdom, invite our enemies across the sea to our shores, and break all known customs and traditions. I would do anything, stomach any loss, to keep you.”

“I don’t want you to lose anything for me,” I told her. “What’s the other option? Besides sowing chaos?” I asked, then added, “You really do choose your words poetically.” I laughed.

“I lay the groundwork—making alliances, gathering future favours, bribes, threats, etcetera—so that I can bring the motion to the Royal Conference to allow my ascent to the throne without marriage. Then the real work would begin—to change our most foundational laws of inheritance. Viridis might be an example, but it only works in Viridis because the other Houses do not see them as a threat and because Viridis’ culture allows such lawlessness. They do not hold significant power or influence. We have ensured such for many generations now. I would be queen—but queen in name alone—without the backing of the nobles of the other Houses. No one wants a bastard claiming rank and title.”

“All this because you want a family with me?” I asked, my chest tightening again. Motherhood was… was something I had yet to consider. When other girls were playing house, I was swimming, gardening, or reading about plants.

“You do not?” she questioned quickly in return, and her body became stiff beside me.

“I’m not saying that. I’m just saying, you wouldn’t need to change inheritance laws and work so hard or risk so much if you had a pureblood heir,” I explained.

“That’s not an answer,” she replied.

“It’s the only answer I can give right now,” I replied truthfully. I didn’t know what I wanted. I wasn’t unhappy with the idea of one day having a family, but it wasn’t anything I had thought about before.

“If we were to have children, I presumed you would birth them,” she said.

“Why me?” I asked and cringed at how panicked I sounded. She laughed in response.

“You are more motherly by nature. Truthfully, I never cared for an heir. I never thought about it as a positive until recently,” she replied.

“Maybe we could just not think about it right now,” I asked, feeling the subject too heavy. I had to think about it. I had to figure out how I felt within myself. Was nobility the kind of life I would want for a child? Sure, they would never want for anything, but they would lose so much. Every noble I had met, with the exception of Dylan, had been completely out of touch with the ordinary person’s way of life. They were selfish and self-centred, and maybe having too much was just wrong—maybe it corrupted you.

“Very well,” she replied tensely.

“I’m not saying never, Selene,” I said, trying to reassure her.

“I know,” she replied softly. “And I will continue to prepare for all possible future scenarios that I can envision, until a time comes when we must choose.”