Page 69 of A River of Crows

But at times, like the beginning of fall roosts, Caroline felt an unexplainable sadness. She would watch crows soar by and wish she could fly away somewhere too. It’s not that she wanted to leave her family but sometimes daydreamed about what another life would have looked like. A life where she’d followed her dreams. A life with a community of colleagues who understood her and appreciated her contributions. A life where she’d never waited on Jay Hadfield’s table.

Not that Jay hadn’t been supportive, but being a scientist meant being dedicated and consistent. It was difficult to monitor a community of crows when Sloan was sick. No time to analyze her collected data when Ridge had a science experiment due. And it seemed it was always something with kids. She loved them. She did. But it was always something, even now that they were older. Jay being gone so often didn’t help.

Caroline heard the screen door open, followed by Ridge calling to her. “Mom, Libby’s here!”

Caroline tossed the screwdriver into the sink and wiped her hands on her denim shorts.

“Did you bring us something, Libby?” Caroline heard Ridge ask as she stepped into the living room.

“Ridge!” Caroline scolded.

“Oh, it’s fine, Caroline.” Libby reached into her purse, then put both hands behind her back. When she brought them back out, they were in fists. “Pick a hand, any hand.”

Ridge bounced up and down, looking from one hand to the next before settling on the left. “This one,” he said, tapping on her knuckle.

Libby opened her fist to reveal a grape Push Pop, Ridge’s favorite. “Yes!” he put his hands up in the air, “I knew it was in the left!”

Libby opened her right hand, revealing an identical treat. “Take this one to your sister.”

“Thanks!” Ridge was unwrapping the paper as he ran out the door calling for Sloan.

“You’re spoiling them,” Caroline said, leading Libby into the kitchen. “Want some coffee?”

“No thanks.” Libby took a seat at the table. “And with no children of my own, I’ve a right to spoil somebody’s.”

Caroline sat across from Libby, trying not to be jealous of her perfectly curled hair and expensive cashmere sweater. “Some days, I’d give them to you, to be honest.”

“Oh, come on. They’re good kids.”

Caroline nodded. They were. But sometimes she envied the life of her best friend. Libby had a housekeeper. She slept late and still had time every day to curl her hair and her eyelashes. She ran charities to benefit her community. She got to watch Days of Our Lives uninterrupted every day.

“So, I’m here with news, and I’m just going to say it.” Libby’s rings clinked as she clasped her hands together. “Vince has accepted a job at Louisiana State.”

“What?” Caroline pushed her back against the seat. I thought he was happy at MCC.”

“He is. But LSU reached out to him. Offered him Dean of Mathematics. This is a dream for him.”

“And what about you?” Caroline heard the hard edge to her voice. “What about the Women’s League or the domestic violence hotline?”

Libby raised her hands and shrugged. “They’ll go on without me.”

“Will you at least be here for the Christmas Toy Drive?”

“No. We’ll leave by the end of October. You should run it this year,” Libby said.

“No, thanks.” Caroline stood and made her way to the coffee pot. She needed a cigarette, but if she wanted to avoid a lecture from Libby, caffeine would have to do.

“Okay. Why not do something else? You could organize Earth Day activities.”

Caroline grabbed a coffee mug from the cabinet and set it down too forcefully on the counter. “No one in Mallowater cares about the environment. Not after eight years of Reagan convincing Americans that protecting the only planet we have is some sort of radical idea.”

“Well, change their mind,” Libby said.

Caroline finished pouring coffee and faced her friend. “Reagan said trees cause more pollution than automobiles, Libby. He actually said that. He removed the solar panels Carter had installed on the White House. Yet, you people worship this guy.”

Libby waved her hands. “Okay, okay, I get it. It was only an idea.” She stood and approached Caroline at the counter. “I worry about you sometimes. It’s okay to do something outside these four walls that feeds your soul.”

Heat flushed through Caroline’s body. “You don’t think I want to?” She slapped the counter she leaned against. “Someone’s always hungry. Something’s always broken. I don’t have time! I can’t even finish my observations, can’t write my book. I damn sure can’t find the time and energy to plant trees on Earth Day!” A single tear fell from her eye as Libby enveloped her in a hug.