Page 84 of A Real Goode Time
She frowned at me, hard. “Rhys, I wasn’t teasing you.”
I rubbed my face with one hand. “I know that, dammit. I wasn’t saying you’re a tease. You ain’t. Not at all. Far from. I’m saying, I want so much fuckin’ more with you, and knowin’ I can’t have it? It’s a tease. And it ain’t your fault.”
“What is it you want, then, Rhys?”
“I don’t think I oughta say. I’m not trying to get you to do anything you’re not ready for.”
“Maybe I am ready, though.”
I hesitated. “You say that, butareyou? How do you know you are?”
“Wait, wait. You’re not even saying what it is you want that you think I’m not ready for.” She tugged her hair out of the braid and ran her fingers through it, letting the long black tresses hang over her shoulders, so it nearly covered the tips of her breasts. “This conversation isn’t fair and doesn’t make sense if we’re not clear and on the same page about it.”
“It’s about sex, Torie,” I snapped, unfairly. “It’s about the difference in what you’re willing and ready to do, and what you aren’t. It’s about how I want you, all of you. Mind, heart, soul, and body, I just fuckin’wantyou, Torie Goode. And I want…I want to have sex with you.”
I shook my head. Hissed in frustration as I hunted for a way to put it strongly enough that she’dgetit.
“I want tofuckyou,” I said, my voice low, growling. “That clear enough for you? I want you to ride me in that passenger seat, my cock buried to the hilt inside your soaking wet pussy. I want to pull over, drag you into the grass, put you on your hands and knees and fuck you from behind until your ass shakes. I want you in a hotel bed, on your back with your legs around my waist while I fuck you and fuck you and fuck you until you beg me for a break from being fucked.”
I looked at her, gave her the full, unfiltered intensity of my gaze. “You know, when I slept in that seat there, earlier, I had a wet dream about you. Legit, I woke up with my cock hard and seconds from coming. You know what I was dreaming about? You, straddling me. Taking my cock and riding me as hard as you could. Tits bouncing, screaming my name. That’s what I dreamed about. That’s what I want.” I was worked up, emotional, hands shaking; I pulled over onto the shoulder again. “I want more than that, though. More than sex. More than fucking. I want tomake loveto you, Torie. I want all the emotions that go with it. I want to make love to you and never stop. That’s what I want.”
I leveled a hard, open stare at her. “And as you’ve pointed out, I got my life back in New Haven, and it’s a near-certainty you’re never coming back there. So I don’t know where the hell that leaves us, because maybe you’re content fooling around, but I’m not. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed what we did more than I’ve ever enjoyed anything in my whole damn life, and I could die tomorrow a happy fuckin’ man, because I got to experience that with you. The problem, Torie, is that the next time I get my hands on you, I don’t know that I’ll be able to stop at just eating your pussy, just getting a handjob or even a blowjob from you. I want more. Need more. And if I were to get a little of you, I’d take all of you.”
I swallowed hard. Looked away. Returned to the freeway, tires skidding on the rain-slicked pavement as I nailed the gas a little too hard.
“The problem, Torie, is thatthatain’t mine to take.”
“It is if I give it to you.”
“Did you hear everything I said?” I asked. “What I said I want?”
She nodded. “Every single syllable. And yes, I’ve never experienced that so I can’t say I want those things specifically. Some of it sounds a little scary, honestly. But being with you at all is scary. You make me want things that scare me. You make me feel things that scare me. But part of all that, being scared of the things you make me feel and want is that I’ve never felt soaliveas when I’m with you.” Naked, bold, eyes fiery and on mine. “So, yes, Rhys. I want those things. I want it all. I’m scared of it, yes. But I want it.” She swallowed, blinking. “What scares me the most is what you said—that you never want to stop. Because I never want to stop either. I didn’t want to stop the other morning, in that motel. I wanted to keep going. I didn’t want to tell you I’m a virgin because I knew it would scare you. Guys see virginity as this…this precious thing. They see taking it as a responsibility. As if my entire future of sexuality hinges on their performance during my first time. And I’m like, get over yourself! You’re giving yourself too much credit. Not you specifically, just men in general, guys who I’ve had experiences with that could have led to sex.”
“Other than Max?” I asked.
“Other than Max, yes. A few guys.” She looked away. “There was a cook at the restaurant. We flirted, went on a date. We kissed. That was it. Went on another date. I went home with him and we made out, and it was obvious he was assuming, naturally enough, it was leading towards sex. So I told him I’m a virgin, and he noped out of that, didn’t want any part of taking my V-card, as he called it. That’s happened two other times. No discussion, no option for me to decide what I wanted, if I was even offering, no respect for my autonomy, my will, my desires.”
“That ain’t what’s happening here, though,” I said.
“No, it’s not,” she agreed. “But you’re still scared of my virginity.”
“Yeah, I guess maybe I am, a little.”
She nodded. “I know. But I told you. I’ve given you plenty of time to think about it. And, you’ll notice, I’m still not exactly saying let’s do it right now. If I offer you my virginity, you’ll know. It won’t be in a car. It won’t be an accident. It’ll be me telling you what I want, that I want it, that I’m ready. If we get there—if,say,if—you’ll know because I’ll say it in so many words, that I want to have sex with you, that I want to go there. Your role, at that point, is to decide one thing—if you want that with me. Your responsibility, and youronlyresponsibility, is to decide if you want to have sex with me. The consequences of it, how I feel about it, how it affects my future sexuality, that’s on me. Not you. You don’t decide that for me. If I were to offer it to you, it would be because I’ve decided you’re the man I want to experience the full totality of sex with. I’ll have chosen you.
“Itrustyou, because I know you’ll treat me right and make my experience a good one. And that’s all you have to do. That’s youronlyresponsibility—do your best to make my experience the best it can be. I don’t expect fireworks and a parade and a twenty-one gun salute. I know there may be some discomfort. I also know once that initial moment is over, it’ll be amazing. Or, that itcanbe. And I know with you, it would be. I don’t need you to assume you’retakinganything from me.” She held my gaze, long and hard and direct. “If we were in a room, in a bed, and I told you I want to have sex with you, that wouldn’t be youtakinganything. It’d be me giving it to you. So keep that in mind. And, by the way, if we were to do anything else in between, I hope you understand that I trust you to control yourself. To take what I’m offering and no more. Itrustyou, Rhys. I know you’re a good man. I know that no matter what you say right now, all worked up and horny and emotional about it, mixed up maybe, upset, confused—when push came to shove and we were messing around and you wanted to fuck me and I said no, Iknow, without a doubt, that you’d stop in a heartbeat. Because that’s the kind of man you are. And that’s why I’m even in this car with you. Why I’m so strongly considering giving you my virginity no matter what the future may or may not hold for us.”
She paused and sucked in a shaky breath.
I was just about to reply when I realized she had something else to say, so I held my tongue.
“I don’t know that we have a future together. If you even want that, ifIwant that. How we’d get there, considering the logistical issues standing in the way. And, yes, I have feelings for you that make me wonder if we could have a future together, and a damned good one. And that scares me. A lot. Because if I gave you my virginity, I know those feelings would multiply by like, infinity. Make itsomuch harder to say goodbye when that time comes. But I also think that maybe…maybe it’d be worth it anyway.”
“Torie—”
She held up a hand. “Don’t. Just think about it. Take some time and think on all that.”
Even though she was naked, I did exactly that—I thought about all that she’d said.