Page 75 of A Real Goode Time

He snorted, grinning at me. “I know, I noticed. I like it.”

“Because I compliment your penis?”

“Because it’s adorable.”

I rolled my eyes. “Adorable. Not sure how I feel about being adorable.”

“In an arousing kind of way?”

I laughed. “Better.” I twisted my hair in my hands, a nervous habit. “You really want to know?”

He laughed ruefully. “Yeah, and no. But yeah.”

“My saving grace, ever since sixth grade, has been Max Horowitz. The only kid more unpopular than me. Chess genius, computer genius, and the literal Hollywood personification of nerd. Thick-rimmed glasses, dressed like a college professor, was getting college credit by tenth grade, played the bassoon.”

“The what?”

I laughed. “It’s a wind instrument.”

“Oh. Never heard of it.”

“They’re weird.” I sighed. “Max and I would sit together at lunch. He’d read his programming or chess books, and I’d read my classic literature. He’s the kind of chess genius who knows how to play chess with moves that have names like ‘Harkov’s Gambit’ or something. He used to go to Manhattan on the weekend and play speed chess for money. Actually, I think he still does.”

“Now we’re getting somewhere.”

I nodded, laughing. “So, yeah. Max, being just as unpopular as me, was just as lonely as me. We both graduated high school and were like, now what. He’s insanely smart, and he could do just about anything, but for whatever reason, he decided what he wanted to do was be a freelance programmer. He could, like, be in the NSA, if he wanted, but he’s happy designing websites and playing speed chess.” I sighed again, not wanting to get into this. “We hung out a lot. We both tried pot together for the first time. He had this roommate, his first roommate in his first apartment on his own; we were both just barely eighteen. His roommate was like, dude you have zero vices, it’s annoying, try some pot. But he was scared to try it alone, so we did it together. And that’s how it started between us. We’d hang out at his apartment, smoke pot, and watch movies. Talk.”

I paused, because it was weird to talk about this. Jillie and Leighton knew, because they’d been there for most of it, but even they didn’t reallyknow.

I needed to tell him. So I continued. “Then, one day, we were sitting there on his couch, stoned, watching some movie. It had a sex scene in it, and I noticed Max was getting a little…excited. And I was like, that looks like it’s a problem. It was awkward. And he looked at me, and he was like, I’m a virgin. Never kissed anyone, never done anything sexual. And I told him I was the same. And he said, so, what if we…did stuff together. Maybe not sex, but…stuff. So…we did. We’ve never talked about it since, and it’s just a thing we do…did. Once in a while, I’d go over to Max’s, and we’d smoke a bowl and watch porn, and mess around. Just hands, usually.”

He frowned. “And it never went to sex?”

“No. Because pretty early on, I realized I really enjoyed the sensations, the physical stuff we did, but I knew I had no feelings for Max beyond friendship, and that wouldn’t change—for me anyway. Just messing around, getting handsy, hasn’t changed my feelings. He’s my friend. My best friend, in a lot of ways. And if I never touched him again, he’d still be my best friend. If we had sex, I couldn’t be his friend. And I couldn’t—haven’t, and won’t—have sex with him because I don’t have feelings for him.” I swallowed hard. “By the time I was seventeen and the only person I knew other than Max who was still a virgin, I knew having sex needed to be something meaningful. With someone I had something with. I’ve never been like...” I put on a faint, breathy voice. “‘I’m waiting for Prince Charming to sweep me off my feet and live happily ever after’.” I resumed my normal voice. “But it wasn’t going to be—and itwon’tbe—just a hookup, just to get rid of my virginity. So, I’m not, like, saving myself for marriage or true love, I’m just not going to give it away cheaply.”

Rhys nodded. “I admire that a lot.”

I frowned at him. “You do?”

“Hell yeah. You have a conviction. It means something to you, and you’ve stuck with it. It’s awesome.” He shrugged. “So you and Max. You literally just…get stoned and give each other handjobs? And that’sallyou’ve ever done with him?”

I nodded, then tilted my head to the side. “Yeah…well, sort of. One time, he tried going down on me, but it…tickled. I dunno. I wasn’t feeling it and neither was he, and he stopped. And the last time we hung out, about a month and a half ago, I tried going down on him, with similar results. I was scared of him coming in my mouth, and it just…was weird. So I stopped.”

He eyed me. “You did it to me, though.”

I blushed. “Yeah. I wanted to try it again.”

“And?”

I blushed harder. Whispered. “I liked doing it to you.” I met his yes. “A fuckinglot.”

He grinned. “It was incredible.”

“Maybe sometime I could do it again. You know. For practice.”

His eyes darkened. “I’d be okay with that.”

“You have something going on under there,” I said, pointing at the sheet. “Now might be a good time.”