Page 96 of A Murder is Going Down

But Aunty Sam’s face flushes. ‘Is there?’

‘Yep.’

A long pause.

‘It could have got there at any time,’ she says.

No kidding. That’s only part of the reason why it’s such a bad lie. But Aunty Sam was too slow with that excuse, and she knows it. I wait patiently as I plant my seedlings. It’s satisfying work – I’m not saying I see a future in gardening, but there’s something soothing about the repetitive action and the optimism of assuming you’ll be around to collect the results.

‘What’s this about, Heidi?’ Aunty Sam says. ‘I thought you and Patrick decided to drop this silly obsession of yours.’

‘It’s not silly,’ I say. ‘I think someone might have actually killed Felix.’

‘Why would anyone want to kill your brother?’

‘Why would anyonenotwant to kill Felix? You know what he was like,’ I say, not looking at her. ‘We both know what he was like. We know better than anyone, maybe.’

Aunty Sam and I have never talked about Felix like this. We’ve never talked about his cruelties and his moods. Or the endless lies and gaslighting he seemed to delight in – not only to get himself out of trouble or make himself look good, but for the joy he felt in telling a lie and getting away with it.

Which stories should I rehash for Aunty Sam now? The goldfish he flushed down the toilet so routinely I had to ask Aunty Sam to stop buying them for me? The disgusting comments he used to leave on my Instagram, using a fake account, until he left his laptop open one time and I found out it was him? The time Aunty Sam took us kayaking and he deliberately capsized me in deep water and without a life jacket, then swore it was an accident?

Of course, I complained about Felix, but Aunty Sam always framed it as petty squabbles between siblings. We certainly never talked about the marks Aunty Sam must have also noticed on Elena and the way she seemed to get smaller every time we saw her.

‘You don’t kill someone for being … odd,’ Aunty Sam says quietly.

‘Elena thinks he was a sociopath.’

‘People today love to pathologise everything.’

‘What doyouthink?’

‘Felix was a complex person, like we all are, Heidi. He had his problems, and I know he was far from a perfect brother to you or a perfect husband to Elena, but I don’t see what’s to be gained in raking over all that now. What’s this really about?’

‘Iknowthat you were there that night, Aunty Sam. Please don’t say that you weren’t. I just want to know why.’

I’m alarmed to feel tears pressing against my eyelids as I close them. I’m so tired of everybody lying to me and I can’ttake this from Aunty Sam right now. I drop the last of my seedlings on the ground and stand up. ‘Forget it,’ I say, hoping to make it inside before I start crying.

‘Wait.’ Aunty Sam stands up too. ‘I’m sorry, Heidi. I didn’t want you to have to deal with any of this. I still don’t.’

‘Any of what?’

‘I did drive out to Mosman Park that night. I wanted to talk to Felix about my house situation. It’s complicated.’

‘He wanted to sell the house and you couldn’t afford to buy him out?’

‘Or maybe it’s not.’ She almost smiles. ‘You knew about that?’

‘More or less.’

‘I don’t think he understood how attached I am to this place,’ she says.

That’s not true. We both know Felix understood exactly how attached Aunty Sam was to her house – that’s why he would have wanted to separate her from it. That would have been the fun part for him: to know Aunty Sam was in pain and he was the cause.

Are you getting it yet? Do you see what he was like?

‘What happened?’ I ask.

‘I wanted to talk to Felix in person about it. I thought I could talk him around. I didn’t know he and Elena were having people over that night. I parked and started to go to the front door when I—’ Aunty Sam stops.