Page 74 of A Mastery of Monsters

People begin to fill the dance floor, and I watch Isaac stammer his way through inviting Mia to dance with him.

To their credit, her parents get busy rearranging the drink section during the exchange.

And the two manage to get onto the dance floor, swaying to the music, Mia’s head laid on his chest.

Margot sits in the seat across from me. I stiffen. I expected her to come over at some point. I don’t want to talk about the candidacy right now. I don’t want to see the disappointment in her face.

She tilts her head away from me to watch her brother spinning with Mia in a slow circle.

“I forgot this is what I was fighting for. Still am. This is why I’m on Henry’s side.

Why I’m working so hard for him. Not just because I didn’t want to see my brother in the Pen, but because I wanted to see him like this.

Living . Being a normal teenage boy.” She turns to me.

“You did everything you could for Virgil. Don’t ever let anyone suggest otherwise. ”

With that, she stands, ready to head back to her own table.

“Thank you,” I blurt out, and she pauses, meeting my eyes. “Thank you. I know you did everything you could too.”

She gives me a small smile and then stops, turning toward the back of the barn. “Well, look at that.” I follow her eyes, and there he is: Virgil, walking over to us. Margot raps her knuckles on the table. “I’ll leave you to it,” she says before heading back to her spot.

I don’t know why I stand. I just do, and he comes up to stand beside me. He nudges his shoulder against mine. “Sorry I’m late.”

I swallow to wet my throat. “You don’t have to be here.”

“No,” he says. “I do. I just didn’t know if I would.”

“Then why?”

“Because it was harder to stay away than to come.” He forces a smile. The corners of his eyes look strained, his skin dry and ashy.

“You look like shit,” I say.

He laughs. “Wow, and I was planning to say how nice you looked.” He clears his throat and holds out his hand. “Dance with me?”

“I don’t know how to dance to this music.” It’s slow and gentle. I’m used to thumping beats so loud they vibrate through my body.

“Lucky for you, this is the only music I know how to dance to.”

I take his hand.

Instead of bringing me to the dance floor, we make our way to a separate corner of the barn.

It’s darker here, lit only by twinkling fairy lights.

We interlace our fingers, and he slides his other hand to my lower back.

We sway, moving slowly in a circle. It hurts still to be this mobile. My side throbs, but it’s worth it.

I allow myself to lay my head on his chest, resting it there. His heartbeat is too fast for the music.

Virgil says, “I did everything by the book. Followed all the rules. Dealt with everything they threw at me. And it didn’t matter.

I had so many people trying to help me. Amazing and talented people.

And that didn’t matter either. The second my parents stormed Summerhill, they changed my life forever.

” He sucks in a breath. “I… I believed in you. And you fucking did it, and they still—” A sob cuts him off.

I look up from his chest, and his eyes sparkle with unshed tears.

“I’m sorry,” I say because there’s nothing else to say.

“ You’re sorry? I’m sorry. I’m sorry I dragged you into the candidacy and acted like this was a fair place.

Like we could do something or change things.

But we can’t. This is how the system is built.

The society wasn’t made to save monsters, it was made to elevate Masters.

It’s right there in the name. There is no equality.

There is no fairness. And Adam is trying, but it’s not enough, and it never will be. ”

I know I should say something contrary to make him feel better. But I can’t lie to him. Not now.

Virgil pulls his hand away from my back to scrub at his face. “Margot and Corey are still going to help with your brother. Me too, however I can.”

“The deal—”

“The deal was that you would win, and we would help you. And you won. But I have a request.”

“A new deal?”

“Sure.”

“What?”

“Don’t act like I’m gone while I’m still here.” He peers down at me. “I know you don’t owe me anything, but we’re… we’re friends, at least, aren’t we?”

Tears build behind my eyes.

“So be my friend until it’s over.”

I break from Virgil’s arms and step back.

I don’t have to do this. It’s a request. That means I can say no.

I can back away from all this. Try to manage helping Jules on my own.

Stop speaking to Virgil. Avoid everything that will come with watching this boy walk down a steep set of stairs to the rest of his life as a mindless monster.

Because what if I can’t be there for him? What if I mess that up somehow? And then that’s the last thing I ever do before losing him. Because this time, losing Virgil is guaranteed. No matter what.

After Mom disappeared, I thought that it was better to expedite that process. Skip the part where they expect anything of you, disappoint them first, lose them before I could love them. Before it could hurt.

That’s what I should do now. Say no to Virgil. Deal with the hurt now. Move on.

But I can’t do that anymore.

Because even after everything, even after having gone through the whole competition, it’s still worth it. It was worth it to know him. Even if I ended up disappointing him somehow. Even knowing that I’ll lose him. It’s still worth it.

He’s worth it.

“Until it’s over,” I say, holding out my hand, arm bent.

Virgil clasps my fingers, and we pull close to each other, our forearms and elbows touching. I lay my forehead on his. The closest I’ll allow myself to be.

“Until it’s over,” he repeats.