Page 52 of A Mastery of Monsters

The great thing about ruining your life is that when it’s ruined, there’s nothing else to lose. No one else to disappoint. No way to fail.

So maybe Mia is right. I don’t want to belong.

Belonging is overrated. Belonging to the society got Virgil treated like less than human his entire life and got Corey thrown into a traumatic competition that destroyed her relationship with her family.

Belonging to QBSS is how Riley lost her best friend.

Belonging to my family is how I ended up here in the first place.

How I lost Mom. Lost Dad another way. And now, thanks to trying to help Jules, here I am.

I’m eight doubles in when someone pulls at my shirt. I ignore it the first time. The crowd’s gotten bigger, and I assume someone brushed against me.

The second time the tug comes with an annoyingly persistent buzz that sounds a lot like my name.

I open my eyes.

Corey is there, looking distinctly out of place in her wide-leg trousers and trench coat. “August! Let’s go.”

I jerk my arm away. “I’m dancing.”

She sighs and looks around the room, rubbing her arms like she isn’t wearing a literal jacket. “Let me take you back to Vic Hall, okay?”

“I’m not going anywhere.”

“Can you stop being so selfish for a minute?!” She falters and flushes. “I’m sorry, I—”

“I am selfish,” I say because it’s true. “I don’t care, and I’m sorry you didn’t realize that before. You should go.”

Corey glances over her shoulder and groans as Virgil stomps into the club with a bouncer by his side.

That fucking narc.

The bouncer asks for my ID, and even when I tell him I’ll just leave, insists upon seeing it, blocking my path out. Corey and Virgil hover as the man checks it and then looks at me. “You have another piece of ID to confirm this name?”

I press my lips into a line.

“I’m confiscating this.”

I head to the exit without even bothering to argue. To my immense displeasure, Virgil and Corey follow me out.

It’s colder now that it’s late. I shiver and clutch my arms.

A coat drops onto my shoulders. Virgil stands next to me in just a sweater. I hold the jacket to my body and continue my walk back to the dorms without saying anything. I go through the side entrance, like when Jules came and got me a couple of months ago, and use my student ID to swipe in.

A couple of months. That’s how long it’s been. It’s too short.

When we reach my room, I flop down on my bed. The motion churns my stomach and I have just enough time to grab my trash bin before I puke into it.

Corey rushes to gather my braids and holds them out of the way, acquiring a scrunchie from somewhere that she uses to pull them into a ponytail. I expect that it’s harder for her to do with the missing fingers, but she manages it like a skill well practiced.

I’m staring into the trash can at the mess and bracing myself for another bout as Virgil squats in front of my face.

“After our conversation in the barn, I went to Henry and begged him to help us find some way to do more to find your brother. Not for the first time, either. No luck, but I figured maybe we could brainstorm something together. So today, I’m calling and texting you and getting nothing.

Corey is worried, Margot is worried, and then Henry lets us know that your credit card is being used at a nightclub. ”

I assume I’m not supposed to say anything, so I don’t.

“This is my fault,” Virgil says. “I should have never believed in you. Then I wouldn’t be disappointed. I know that now.”

“Couldn’t have said it better myself.” Virgil stands, and I don’t need to watch to know he’s left the room. Corey brings over a water bottle, which I drink from. “Aren’t you going too?”

“Why would I leave a friend alone like this?”

“We aren’t friends.”

Corey’s eyes widen for a moment, and she stares at the ground. “If you want me to go, you can just say that. You don’t have to try to hurt me.”

“Then go.”

I think she’s gone until she speaks again, and I realize she was still hovering in the room.

Silent. “You know… I put up with a lot of shit. And I know I shouldn’t.

That’s how I got in that mess with the candidacy in the first place, because I just did what my parents wanted.

Then I had Virgil, and I never wanted to lose him.

And before I knew it, I was doing it again.

Even though he always tells me not to. Virgil puts up with shit too.

All the time. But when I met you, I thought, wow, this is a girl who does what she wants.

I admired that about you. But you know what? ”

“I assume you’re going to tell me.”

“You think what you’re doing is not putting up with shit or being your most authentic self or whatever, but actually, you just don’t care about anyone else.

I’m here in the middle of the night trying to help you.

But what have you ever done for me? We’re not friends?

Yeah, I guess we aren’t. Because you didn’t care that I had this breakthrough with the journal, and I’m sure you don’t care that it turned out to be fake, and it doesn’t even matter about Henry and his group and getting in by finding the journal because you’re going to be the reason my actual best friend is locked underground for the rest of his life. ”

I wipe my mouth and transition to sitting on the bed. I wish Corey would leave.

She looks down at me. “No one would have blamed you for failing. We just wanted you to try.”

“Are you glad you tried?” Maybe I shouldn’t have said it. But Corey lost more than just half a leg and some fingers in that competition. She lost her family, too. She made so many sacrifices, and for what?

“Glad? No. But when I made the decision to save my brother, I stuck by it. I can see that we’re two very different people.

” She picks up the water bottle and puts it on my bedside table before gathering the plastic bag of puke from the trash and putting a new bag in my bin.

“Sleep on your side so you don’t choke and die. ” She leaves with the bag of vomit.

I wait until I’m sure she’s gone before I let myself cry.