Page 34 of A Light in the Dark
THIRTY-FOUR
Joel, this is your fault. Console me.
We lost two hours at the border, as my return to Stonecreek apparently counted as a big deal. As Coraline suspected, there was a ridiculous amount of neglected work from the previous asshole mayor, and someone needed to deal with it. As that someone was me, I listened to the overwhelmed border guards, took notes of their grievances, and gave them the authorization they needed to get all the paperwork shipped to Stonecreek proper. Then, to make certain these issues were not issues at any of the other border crossings, I had someone dig me out the appropriate authorizations to make certain everyone could get their backlogged paperwork sent in.
They needed new authorizations every six months, and it had been over two years since the bastard had been bothered to do it.
As I was there anyway, they had plenty of copies of the forms, and I had zero interest in revisiting the situation again in six months, I prefilled out the authorizations for all twenty-seven border crossings for the next three years, took photographs of them, apologized for the previous idiot’s neglect, and went on my way, already dreading the amount of work I needed to do.
“My father-in-law would never have thought to date the authorization forms for in the future,” Coraline informed me on our way back to the car. “That poor officer looked like she was about to cry when she realized you were handling preauths for the next three years. She wanted to hug you.”
“If I can blow two hours to save everyone a great deal of headache later, I will—and I’m going to make certain those authorizations are done in a timely fashion moving forward. That was shameful.”
Joel, who’d napped until we had to go inside, followed us, stifling yawns and nursing a coffee one of the security folks had given him. He’d even gotten it in a fancy border guard travel mug, a gift for some reason or another.
Coraline and I had one as well, but ours had tea in them, as the last thing anyone needed was us hopped on coffee.
“It really was. We’re going to hunt rabbit at the grocery store. I knew it was going to take a little longer, but it wasn’t supposed to take that long. We’ll make a date to hunt rabbit in a few weeks, okay?”
I nodded. “It’s probably for the best. If I have disasters like that simmering everywhere in Stonecreek, I’m going to become a nervous bundle of anxiety letting stuff like that sit.”
“Grocery store rabbit is just as tasty, and we can torment Joel through camping.”
“I enjoy camping,” Joel muttered before having another sip of his coffee. “I’m not sure why you two think I’m being punished with your scheming. I am not being at all punished by this idea. Will Calden and his father join us?”
“Inevitably.”
“Luna moths make excellent nightlights for reading books. In exchange, we get naptime with wolves.”
I laughed at Joel’s blatant attempt to get a chance to pet a wolf. “I’m glad I’m not the only one who likes petting wolves.”
“It seems like a fair exchange.”
“It’s fair,” Coraline confirmed. “It’s decided. We’ll do a group camping trip, and since we’ll have two city-state leaders in the same place, we can call it a work trip. As we already have the camping supplies we need, it’s a free work trip, which makes everyone happy with us. Or, at the very least, nobody will accuse us of playing on public funding.”
I wrinkled my nose at that, claimed the front passenger seat as mine, and buckled in before closing the door. I waited for both to get into the vehicle before saying, “I’m honestly afraid of what sort of messes I’m going to find now. If the border crossings have over two years of backlog, what does the rest of the city-state look like?”
“It’s barely getting by,” Coraline muttered. “If you have a huge mess on your hands, lean on Allasandro. We have more than a few Hunters around who like a challenge and won’t mind a vacation on our dime to help you get everything organized. Once organized, you’ll have to do authorizations but everything should run itself. Your job will mostly be to rain hell down on anyone who is breaking the rules and behaving in an unbecoming fashion. You’re going to have to cut out a great deal of corruption, though. ”
“Hopefully, that asshole’s arrest will send some messages,” I grumbled.
“I wouldn’t hold your breath. People will be trying to hide their activities to prevent their arrests.”
Of course. Most people couldn’t figure out how to be ethical if they were smacked in the face with a manual on the subject. “Joel, this is your fault. Console me.”
My hostage laughed. “While I’m a little sorry for what I said while under the influence of drugs and suffering from a headache from hell, I’m only a little sorry. I’ll see about what I can do to console you. How about I foot the grocery bill for tonight’s rabbit? Next weekend, I’ll have Humphrey drive us around so we can play with our cameras if I’m not cleared to drive by then.”
“I could drive,” I replied. “I’m capable of driving.”
“You can drive me to a secondary location if you’d like.”
“I am temporarily consoled,” I announced. “Coraline, if anyone questions you about my mysterious disappearance next weekend, I’m driving Joel to a secondary location.”
She laughed at me. “Just tell your assistants that you’ll be unavailable, and if you need to be available, they need to provide the satellite phone. Calden’s father has to keep his on him at all times. If they require that, demand he gets the model that is a slightly thicker version of a cell phone. That way, it won’t cost you your sanity carrying it around. When we’re camping, I carry the phone around and growl at people if they dare to call. It has to be a true emergency to get through me. So far, there’s been one instance that counted as an actual emergency. The other times? The caller got an earful on the virtues of independence. ”
“Hell better be freezing over if they’re interrupting my time off,” I muttered.
“I think you’ll be fine. That you’re willing to push back and not let them step all over you is a good start. I’m still working at training Calden’s father, but I’m confident I’ll have his work and home life balanced a little better soon.”
“I wish you the best of luck with that,” Joel said in his most amused tone. “You’re going to need it.”
“I can dream!”
Upon driving up the street near my house, Coraline erupted into vehement curses. I spotted the source of her fury.
Her husband and father-in-law stood on the steps of my house and waved at us, both rather pleased with themselves.
Joel snickered. “I believe you’ve been suckered, Coraline.”
“Those cretins are going to pay for this.” The woman pulled over in front of my home, rolled down the windows, and kept on cursing.
I got out of the vehicle, laughing all the while. As I had some mercy, I grabbed the bags loaded with rabbit to spare them from having to carry it in. “Joel, make sure she gets parked in your garage safely. I’ll contain the wolves.”
Joel held up his keys, which had the clicker for his garage. “Don’t get into any trouble while we’re gone.”
“I think I’ll be safe enough with two wolves standing guard.”
Once I was safely on the sidewalk, following a few extra curses, Coraline headed up the street to go around the corner so she could park in Joel’s garage. “It’s nice to see you both again, but what are you doing here?”
“Coraline’s birthday is in a few days, so we’re throwing her a surprise party in your house,” Calden explained, winked at me, and opened the door. Sure enough, the entire place had been decorated in a happy birthday motif. As it was something I’d absolutely do if I had anyone to throw a party for, I loved it—and I suspected their informant on such things was my boss, as I’d expressed such wistful thinking to him in the past. “She is convinced there’s nothing happening for her birthday because of the Stonecreek drama. As such, her birthday is being hosted here, her family is here, her favorite Hunters are also here, as are her favorite people. We figured you wouldn’t mind us imposing, especially as we’ve been taking care of your garden and working on your basement. We will be staying at a hotel up the hill, and we’ll clean up everything. We also filled your fridge with things, and will cook your rabbit, as we were aware you were bringing some.”
“Wait. Someone’s been working on my basement?” I hurried into my house, headed for my basement door, and opened it. A new addition, a light over the steps, informed me that someone had been busy while I’d been gone. With wide eyes, I hurried down the steps to discover a proper doorframe had been installed and the stairs had been contained within freshly painted walls. There wasn’t a door in place yet, but the hinges had already been installed.
A light switch near the door proved somebody had been doing more than installing walls and painting, and one switch was marked for the plant lights and had a timer. I peeked through to discover my basement had undergone a complete transformation. The hardwood flooring gleamed under the bright hanging plant lights, and there were more roses than I remembered having in massive pots with cone-shaped trellises so they could climb at will. Bookshelves dominated most of the walls, a crafting area with my new workstation waited for my use, and the bar promised good things to come, occupying a hefty chunk of wall. Best of all, the armchairs I’d selected for myself had been positioned near the corner fireplace. As I’d desired, there were two guest bedrooms, both spacious and ready to welcome friends and family.
The beds and dressers I’d picked out for myself but hadn’t purchased yet filled each of the spaces, and there were desks the match of what I had upstairs along with fancy computer chairs for visitors to be able to use their laptops with ease—or craft in comfort.
“What the fuck?” I blurted, turning to face the stairwell. “This was concrete last week!”
Upstairs, the Stephans men laughed at me.
I hurried up, closed the basement door behind me, and planted my hands on my hips. “Which one of you naughty men are responsible for this?”
Calden pointed at his father. “He became overwhelmed with guilt over essentially railroading you into becoming the mayor, so he got together with your boss, learned of your wishes for the space, and made the arrangements. You get to argue with him over the money being spent on the renovations. He loves a good argument.”
“It’s true,” Calden’s father admitted with the kind of grin that warned me I’d be waging war with him over it for months to come. “With your new work, you wouldn’t have the time to fuss with doing the renovations yourself. Humphrey arranged for members of your flutter to handle the actual work. That gave them something to do rather than worry about Joel.”
My boss chose that moment to make his appearance, and he waved at me. “We also took the liberty of finding more rose species for your enjoyment. Your rare varieties and your Joseph’s Coats are in the basement, that way they can be light and temperature controlled. The plant lights are already set up on their timers appropriate for the species, and we have the care sheets for how much to water and when. You are going to have to control access because every luna moth in the flutter is going to be begging for rights to sniff the roses in your basement.”
“They’re going to have to convince me to release my hostage first,” I muttered.
He chuckled, and while shaking his head, he introduced me to my unexpected guests, which ranged from Coraline’s mother, father, and brother, her best friend, who led a faction in Moonriver, several Hunters, Roger, and a pair of mouthy parrots who greeted me with a volley of curses.
Then, because things could get stranger, there was a male peacock in my kitchen fanning his feathers for a peahen and a pair of baby bunnies in a cage on my counter with a bow on top. Someone had placed a towel under the cage to protect the counter, and according to the label attached to the edge, it would contain any pet messes using magic.
If I ever got a pet, I would be investing in similar towels.
“What is even going on here?”
“The peacock and peahen are revenge.” Calden laughed, crouched down next to the birds, and was promptly cuddled into submission. “They came from Earth, and Coraline’s parents went out of their way to find the nicest peacock and peahen that wasn’t related to their peacock and peahen, gifting them to us. I value my life, so I’m in on it. Fortunately for my sanity, unlike Lucky the Doom Bird, this fellow is quiet for a peacock.”
“He usually only screams and heralds in the armageddon when someone is late with lunch,” Coraline’s mother said with a smile. “The two bunnies are additions to her bunny family. As I do love my daughter and don’t want her to suffer too terribly, they’re both girls. They’re actually a gift from one of her co-workers, who bred them. Coraline saw these specific two and fell head over heels.”
One of my guests, a gorgeous woman with a ready smile, waved at me.
“I thank you for that every day.” Calden picked up the peacock and carried the bird tucked under his arm, heading for the door. “Want to grab the hen, Dad?”
The Stephans men headed for my front door, and I realized they meant to ambush poor Coraline with birds.
“Asshole!” one of the parrots screamed.
“But why are there cursing parrots?” I asked, staring at the caged birds with wide eyes.
“They become despondent if their beloved caretaker leaves them alone for the weekends. They are being moved into their home permanently,” my boss explained, grinning at the colorful avians. “When they arrived from Earth, they had no idea these birds tended to form emotional bonds with their caretaker. That’s Coraline. They’ll end up carting their parrots to and from work. Some of the Hunters are at their home now setting up their permanent habitat. Coraline adores them, so honestly, while she’ll love her other feathered friends, the parrots becoming officially hers is the true gift.”
“And the bunnies?”
“Calden is determined to overwhelm his wife with cuteness, and he already had to tell her no about them once.”
The woman snickered. “What they aren’t telling you is that I’m Calden’s ex, and that I asked Calden to help trick Coraline so I could surprise her with her babies for her birthday. They just weaned, so she won’t expect it. In her head, the baby bunnies don’t wean for another month or two.”
Calden and his father set the peacock and peahen on the floor in the entry, and after a few minutes, Coraline opened the door.
Before anyone had a chance to even try to shout ‘happy birthday’ at her, the peacock fanned his feathers, posed, and screamed his head off at the woman, who gaped at the greeting.
After a few moments, she heaved a sigh. “Again?”
Calden grinned. “Happy birthday. Your parents have brought you a gift. His name is Peace, and her name is Quiet, as we’re getting neither of those ever again. I hope you’re happy with yourself. You are the reason they picked revenge in the form of a peacock and a peahen, and as it’s your birthday present, you can’t refuse.”
“Happy birthday!” Coraline’s parents chorused, and they waved at their daughter.
“Bananas!!!!” the parrots screamed.
“You brought the parrots?” Coraline bent over and petted both the peacock and the peahen, and after some cajoling, managed to get both birds to move. “You brought those menaces to Stonecreek? I can see my mom and dad getting revenge for all the birds over the years, but the parrots?”
“They’re going home with us permanently,” Calden said, and the tenderness of his smile caught me by surprise. “We’ll have to haul them to work, but they have a habitat at our house that’s better than what’s in the office. We’re giving them the second spare room, and I’m having everything else moved into the basement while we’re gone. I needed you to drive Valerie and Joel home so we could do the work. There are also two more presents in the kitchen.”
I pointed Coraline in the right direction, grinning as she hurried to see what else awaited her.
The peacock and peahen followed her as though she were the pied piper of birds.
“This is so strange,” I whispered to Joel.
“Bunnies!” Coraline squealed.
Her exclamation triggered a cacophony of noise from the peacock and the parrots. Unable to help myself, I laughed at the insanity of it all. “You know what? After this, being the mayor is going to seem pretty normal.”
“That’s one way to look at it. When do they go home?”
“I’d assume tomorrow. Why?”
“I’m not sure I want to share a house with a bunch of animals that view me as food,” he confessed.
“Just don’t shift. You’ll be fine.”