Page 25 of A Light in the Dark
TWENTY-FIVE
I can respect your willingness to do evil as long as it’s tasty evil.
I opted for the long approach for luring Joel into my bed, where I had every intention of removing him from his clothes and having my way with him. I settled him into my guest bedroom, and I hinted at a change of general accommodations if he demonstrated he was capable of being a good hostage and behaving for me. After eight hours of good sleep, I got up, checked on my guest, and determined it might take a literal explosion to get him to wake up without an alarm or direct intervention. I left him to his rest, went downstairs, and hoped Joel could handle eating bacon and eggs, as I hadn’t gone shopping with the intention of having guests.
Bacon and eggs made it easier to face the day.
Once the bacon was draining on a rack and all I needed to do was make the eggs, I returned upstairs and began the process of waking my captive. I started with poking him on the shoulder .
He whined and rolled over to escape me.
I giggled at his protests and prodded him some more. “Rise and shine, hostage. We’re having bacon and eggs for breakfast, and then I need to head down the hill to see if Elenora is up and can teach me the basics of making death cobbler.”
I wasn’t sure if it was the bacon and eggs or the death cobbler that got him on the move, but he bounced out of bed with alarming energy.
“You’re really going to have that harpy teach you how to make death cobbler?”
“I mean, she gave me the recipe, but I don’t bake, so I’d really like a lesson or two on how to bake without…” I struggled to find a way to explain I didn’t want to poison people with anything other than actual poison.
He raised a brow at me. “You are definitely going to be poisoning people with your baking, Valerie. That is the entire point of death cobbler.”
“I want it to be delicious poison,” I informed him in a solemn tone.
“I can respect your willingness to do evil as long as it’s tasty evil.”
“I mean, it worked. She kept bringing me delicious poison, and after a while, I understood she was literally poisoning me. But it was so good I couldn’t resist.”
“And now you’re resisting her poison.”
I eyed him. “I mean, yes. And I’m even grateful for that. But the fact it’s something the people in this city do is horrifying.”
“Yeah. I’m pretty horrified over it, too. Or more accurately, I’m shocked that Elenora feels there’s just cause to poison people on our street if they didn’t grow up used to the hazards of Stonecreek.”
“Me, too. And I’ll admit, if she hadn’t started trying to kill me off, I wouldn’t have learned about strangleberry and the others.”
“I suspect there are more than a few dead refugees because of those berries, too.” Joel’s expression darkened, and he followed me downstairs and into my kitchen. “I’m concerned.”
“So am I.” As I had no idea how much Joel knew about my activities with the Hunters, I decided I’d keep my secrets close to my chest. If he knew, he’d tell me—and one of the Hunters would confirm it before I peeped a word about it. “I’m sure Elenora will help you learn how to make death cobbler, too. We can continue the tradition of helping our friends and loved ones and neighbors through making them sick as hell.”
He grinned at me and took a seat at the table. “At least we can get their consent before making them sick as hell. We could have death cobbler parties, and the graduates get to have the fancy cobbler while the newbies get the graduates helping them cope with their illness.”
“Nobody helped me cope,” I complained. “I just threw up by myself and thanked her and asked for more to be polite.”
“She laughed at you for days over that, by the way. The entire street did. I did not thank her, nor did I ask for more. In fact, when I asked her if she was poisoning me on purpose, she gave me a hug, kissed my cheeks, told me I was such a good little boy, and to run along and eat my cobbler and try not to get too sick, as the whole point is to make it so I wouldn’t get sick at all. Sane people would have been reporting her to the police, but I did some basic research into what she was poisoning me with and realized she really was just trying to make it so Stonecreek wouldn’t kill me. And she doesn’t know I’m a luna moth, and we will eat strangleberry while shifted. It doesn’t bother us when shifted like it does when human, but it can sour our stomach after we shift. I haven’t had a sour stomach since she started giving me death cobbler.”
“Now that’s a good sales pitch for being a luna moth. You can eat strangleberry!”
“You have an unhealthy fixation on strangleberry.”
“But it’s so good,” I groused before splitting the bacon onto two plates. “How do you like your eggs?”
“Hot and in my belly,” he replied. “Preferably without any poisonous berries hidden within them.”
“Scrambled it is.” As scrambled eggs took little time, I went to work, making a large batch, aware shapeshifters tended to eat far more than the rest of us. If five eggs didn’t contain him, I had another dozen to work through, and if that wasn’t enough, I’d dig out another pack of bacon and fight to defeat his appetite. “I’m absolutely willing to make second breakfast for hungry hostages, and I’ll even hold the berries.”
“I tend to do my gorging at dinner time,” he admitted with one of his lopsided grins. “And if you’re going to be putting out the luna moth buffet, I may just borrow your bathroom and indulge.”
“As long as you, my hostage, do not leave my garden, you may go outside and enjoy my roses. You can even earn your keep and help me tend to the plants, weed, and make certain they’re all happy and healthy roses. ”
“I’d be happy to help you care for your roses after we pay Elenora a visit and learn how to make death cobbler. Just please forgive me for my bad breakfast habits. Breakfast food is meant to disappear in a hurry. I savor lunch and dinner. That is how I eat.”
As I’d already witnessed one of his morning feeding frenzies, where his mother slid entire stacks of pancakes his way, I worried he’d run me out of food before the weekend ended. Then again, I still had some room left in my deep freezer. I could buy more meat from Jolena.
I loved several of the game bird species and needed more of them in my freezer for bad days.
Realizing five eggs likely wouldn’t be enough to feed him, I got out the other pack of eggs from my refrigerator, set them near the stove, and prepared to wage war. If I didn’t win, I’d just march him to a nearby restaurant and pay penance for my failure to feed my hostage that way. No matter what, he wouldn’t defeat me.
Smiling, I went to work, ready to see how much of a challenge the man would prove to be.
Joel ate all but two lonely eggs, and while I handled cleaning up, I had my hostage go out into my yard and tend to my plants, watering them and whispering sweet nothings. Fortunately for him, he’d brought jeans and a casual shirt, thus saving his silk suits from an early demise—or stains at the very minimum. I added doing the dishes while admiring the handsome scenery out my window to my list of reasons to keep him around.
Once I had everything restored to rights, I stepped out my back door, chuckling over how he’d managed to make a complete mess of himself in the twenty minutes it’d taken me to finish tidying. He waged war against the few weeds I hadn’t vanquished, and to my puzzlement, a few of them he’d put to the side, careful to keep their roots intact. “What are those?”
“Did you ever eat any of your death cobbler outside?”
“I mean, sure? I sometimes came out here while having some.”
He pointed at the smallest of the plants. “That is your beloved strangleberry.”
“Oh!” I abandoned him, went to my closet, and dug out one of the little plastic pots I’d kept from planting the roses, grabbed my leftover dirt, and returned, holding everything out. “Please take care of my little baby, Joel.”
Heaving a sigh, he took the pot and the dirt and went to work planting it. “Get me three more, and you can have two strangleberry, one napweed, and one lantana. The lantana will become a flowering bush, and the berries are quite toxic when consumed while green. Luna moths love lantana. For these to have seeded, she must have added them to one of your death cobblers after it had cooled. Honestly, there are more of all of them in the weeds I yanked, but I kept the best looking plants.”
I ran back inside and retrieved three more pots for him and more dirt, and I shifted my weight from foot to foot while he worked. Once he had the plants situated, he placed the pots around my gardens based on where got the most sun.
“I’m pretty sure I spilled some death cobbler out here before the storms started,” I admitted. “I normally clean up after myself, but it was in the dirt and I didn’t bother, so I just kicked some dirt over it. I didn’t think the death cobbler could make plants. ”
I marveled at the magical nature of death cobbler, and I wondered if Elenora knew it was a gift that kept on giving.
“That’s enough time for them to sprout, and the weather’s right.”
“What’s napweed?”
“As the name implies, it makes the user sleepy. It’s mostly harmless, but if you were to eat several pounds of them, you’d go into a coma and probably die. The amount in the cobbler recipe will help you relax and do little else. It’s actually a pretty good sleep aid, which is why I kept it. I am not going to identify the more dangerous plants I did not keep for you from the weeds.”
“Aww,” I complained, and I went to the pair of strangleweeds, crouching and giving their pots a loving pat. “It’s okay, little babies. I will take good care of you, and you will be a star of my beautiful garden. I’ll even let those mean luna moths have some of your bounty when they come visit.”
“Most people would not be enthused to have ready access to things that can make them ill,” Joel reminded me.
“It’s a good thing that I’m not most people, then.” Grinning, I headed into my kitchen to wash my hands. “Just stomp off the dirt before you can come in. I want to see Elenora’s face when I drag you over looking like I’d rolled you through the mud. ”
“She’s seen me plenty of times after I’ve been gardening. I’m usually gardening on Saturdays. This is nothing new.”
I considered my options, decided a smirk and a raised brow might get a naughtier point across, and graced him with both before making myself at home in front of my sink and making sure no potential plant toxins remained on my skin. “We should probably refrain from telling her that this is a hostage situation. I’m just establishing that I will be a queen over all luna moths, and I’m starting with you. I must have the best luna moths in my collection. I have Shifter Five’s silk and your entire person. I think I’m doing well so far.”
“Had I known you were obsessed with luna moths, I would have started visiting your garden earlier.”
“That would have been a good way to become a pet, as before the floods, I hadn’t really known much about luna moth shifters. You would have been invited in, and I would have fed you, and then I would have really been a kidnapper without knowing it.”
“I would have just gone home after you went to work. You don’t have an alarm system. I could have even made a key and just planned my day around beating you back from work if I didn’t want you questioning how your luna moth had escaped your clutches.”
“So, if I got an alarm system and locked you in, would that work?” I dried my hands off, got my keys and purse, and laughed at the thought of buying an entire security system to contain a single luna moth shifter. “After getting my bonus, I no longer have any respect for money. Please remind me to start respecting money again next week, after I finish booking and paying for all my renovations.”
“You’re renovating your basement, and that’s a good use of your money. But it’s bonus money, isn’t that what bonus money is for? That’s what I use my bonus money for, unless my house is pitching a fit again.”
“In bad news, you should keep that house, because I’m pretty sure you’re the reason half the houses on this street are still standing. If your place falls into disrepair, I’ll be the last house standing, and then I might try to spend my budget buying destroyed lots to make a mega house. And then I’d have to build it, shore it, and I’d never have any money ever again.”
“Honestly, I genuinely had no idea how huge your place was until I came inside. This is a lot larger than mine. The inner courtyard in mine eats up a lot of space. And your basement is massive.”
“I was thrilled when I saw this place was up for sale. Yeah, I’ve had to do some work on it, but it was worth every penny.”
“You got it for a pittance. Once you get the downstairs done, you’ll have the best house in this entire section of the city. The best part is? Nobody is really going to realize it. Your neighbor’s doors are fairly close to your walls, which makes the whole thing look deceptive, as your door is in the middle of your home.”
I grinned at him. “That had crossed my mind. Now, come along. Let’s ambush Elenora and steal her secrets, especially since I have my very own baby strangleberry plants to harvest for treats later.”
“Poison is not a treat, Valerie.”
“Stop telling lies. Didn’t your momma teach you lying was wrong?”
“It’s poison . Poison is not a treat.” Joel heaved a sigh at me. “ Am I going to have to come over and check on you daily once those damned bushes produce berries?”
“You will find me in my garden, curled around my strangleberry pots having a snooze, berry juice on my lips and high as a kite on napweed. Daily.”
“Please don’t.”
“But I’d have a wonderful time. Are you trying to deny me happiness?”
“How about I take you to see Yolana so you can buy some more silk from Shifter Five in exchange for not indulging in multiple types of poison in your garden?”
“Once a month,” I countered.
“Very well. Once a month, I will take you to get Shifter Five’s silk, but in exchange, you can only have your monthly allowance of death cobbler and a small portion of strangleberry, which will be rationed out to you by a reasonable adult. For the purposes of this agreement, I am the reasonable adult. I will also teach you the appropriate use of napweed.”
“Deal.” I herded him towards my door. “The instant the furniture is delivered, we are going to buy more of Shifter Five’s silk. Our previous visit does not count.”
“Well, as you’re the captor, I think it’s fair you get to call the shots this weekend.”
“I am so happy Elenora liked me enough to start feeding me death cobbler. Outside of almost being hit by a car, things are turning around nicely.”
“We need to have a talk about being happy when someone poisons you, Valerie.”