Page 12

SEVEREN

We had fallen into the temporal abyss once again.

With Skye unconscious, and machines doing a lot of the work of surviving, her final request kept weighing heavily on my heart and my mind.

How long was I supposed to wait? Was I already waiting too long?

Would she hate me for not yet letting go?

These aren’t things they teach you when you become alpha, pack lead, or lover.

Fundamentally, I agreed with Skye that one should be allowed to die with dignity, and that breathing machines or being kept around while in a vegetative state was inhumane, and that if there was no chance of getting better, the patient should have the right to go when they felt it was time.

But it’s all just hypothetical until it happens to someone you love.

Skye had brain activity. She wasn’t a vegetable. She was just sleeping, fighting, waiting for her second chance.

Yet, seeing her like this was killing me.

It finally all came to a head after a week, with the arrival of an unfamiliar nurse.

“Good morning, I’m nurse Porter.” She smiled, but moved brusquely, like she was in a hurry and Skye was merely a chore to get through.

“Hello, I’m Halo, this is Severen and Crux,” Halo said, but Nurse Porter was already busy doing her work.

She checked and emptied Skye’s urine bag, then threw the blankets back.

She frowned, replaced the blankets, and went to a supply cupboard in the corner of the room.

She pulled out a white plasticky rectangle that she unfolded.

To my horror and shame, I recognized the adult diaper.

“I can’t.” The words came out before I could stop them. I got to my feet and left the room. Crux followed me seconds later.

“What are you doing, man?” he demanded, following me down the hallway.

“I can’t.” Those were the only thoughts I could get out through the chaos in my head. What if the last thing Skye ever did before dying was have her diaper changed by a stranger? She wanted to keep her dignity and this wasn’t dignified.

“What do you mean you can’t?” Crux glared at me. “You remember what you told me? Skye probably still feels us through the bond. So get your shit together and get back in there.”

“I can’t.” I felt solid like a statue, my joints had turned to stone and my feet to lead.

“You have to, because, as always, If I’m the responsible one, we’re well and truly fucked.” Crux narrowed his eyes. “You have to be the pack lead here.”

That brought my rational brain somewhat to the forefront. I stared at him. “Or what, you’re gonna fight me for pack lead?”

Crux returned my stare hard. “If that’s what it comes down to.”

His aura flared, and so did mine. It wasn’t an outright challenge, but dangerously close.

“Stop!” Halo came between us and physically pushed us apart. She turned to me. “I get it. This is so, so hard, and scary, and gross. But what Crux is saying isn’t wrong. We all have to make sure Skye knows she’s loved and that we’ll stand by her through everything.”

She reached up and touched my cheek. “I know you can do this, Sev. You’re our pack lead.”

I began to pull away but she grabbed my face and directed me to look at her. “If you bail, that will fracture the pack, and then what would Skye be fighting for? You leave… so does she.”

I felt the subaudible growl rumble in Halo’s slender chest.

“I won’t let that happen,” I told her, and looked at Crux, then Halo.

“I just…” I tensed my jaw. “Don’t think I can be around for the…

” I tried to find a delicate way to phrase it.

Words like shameful, embarrassing, humiliating, and gross kept plugging themselves into the sentence. “...medical stuff.”

Halo let me go and stepped back. “Fine. I get it.” She smoothed down her long sleeve t-shirt. “Everyone needs a break. You do what you need to to get through this. But I don’t ever want you to bring this shit back into her room. Do you understand?”

“I do.”

She gave a curt nod. “Go for a walk. Get some air,” Halo ordered, then she and Crux went back into Skye’s room.

I watched from the doorway as they returned to their vigil at her bedside while the nurse was checking the monitors.

I then ambled down the hall until I got to a bank of vending machines. I fished in my pockets for some money.

I returned to Skye’s room… Skye’s room. I hated calling it that. The hospital room. Room 403. I returned to room 403, with sodas as peace offerings. Halo and Crux quietly accepted the gesture, and we sat, silently sipping pop to the sounds of beeps and whispering machines.

I stared at Skye, looking so small in the bed, so defeated, the machines standing over her like dangerous Druidic cultists toying with her life force.

I promised Skye I wouldn’t tell the other two her wishes. Did I promise? I couldn’t even remember anymore. If I told them, would she know? Would she think I broke my word and give up fighting? Don’t they deserve to know? Maybe Halo or Crux have it within to do the thing that I couldn’t.

“Maybe you should write all this down,” Halo said.

“Sorry, what?” I shook my head, pulling myself from my thoughts.

“Put this all to paper. Like a memoir,” Halo said. “Exorcize your demons.”

“That’s not a bad idea,” Crux added. “We all need to find ways to deal with this and you’re the writer.”

“Yeah. Maybe,” I said. Words hadn’t flowed from me and onto a page since before the move. I was just too busy. And then Skye got sick. “I can try.”

There was a knock on the door and Dr. Houser walked in. “Sorry to interrupt, but there’s been a development in Skye’s condition. We need to prep her for immediate surgery.”

We all shot to our feet.

“Does this mean…?” I began.

Dr. Houser’s eyes shone and he nodded. “We have a heart.”