Page 2

TWO

Liam

We head out to the car and Gabriel gets in the driver’s seat, probably because he doesn’t think I know where his parents live. It’s not at all weird that I do… maybe I was simply… curious and looked them up. Maybe I spent all of last night researching everything about them so I could pretend to know how to interact with them. His dad is an avid fisherman, so I spent at least an hour watching fishing videos while my mind drifted off to how I could use a fishing line to kill someone since it’d be hard to see and certain lines obviously are strong.

When I remembered that knowledge such as that would not win over his parents, I switched to looking up stuff about his mother. She was much harder to find information on, other than her Facebook profile which is mostly pictures of her dog. Clearly, Gabriel got his obsession for his cat from his mother.

Gabriel pulls into the driveway of his parents’ house and looks over at me. “You good?”

“Better than you, it seems,” I say. “I did extensive research on your parents. I know their blood types and that your father was arrested when he was nineteen. I thought that worst-case scenario, I could hang that over his head.”

“Wait, what? What the hell was he arrested for?”

“It almost seems like I know your parents better than you do, Gabriel. How sad.”

“Just… no. Come on.”

I grab the bag in the back that has both their gifts and the cookies I made for them. “I put sleeping pills in the cookies, so we don’t have to stay overly long. My guess is they’ll be out by six.”

“It’s five fifty-seven! How much would have to be in them to knock them out in three minutes?”

“Enough,” I say.

Gabriel laughs. “You better not have drugged the cookies.”

“I didn’t! I promise. Did I think about it? Maybe as a passing thought, but when you were over there looking sexy licking out the cookie dough bowl, I knew I had to be good.”

He sighs, like anything I said might be as strange as the way he’d held that bowl like Gollum from The Lord of the Rings. After exiting the car and ushering me up the sidewalk, Gabriel lets himself right into the house as an older dog with a gray muzzle and wiry fur meets us at the door.

“Hey, Buddy,” Gabriel says as he pets the dog a moment before there are two beaming faces rushing around the corner. I understand Gabriel is the best thing ever created, but I didn’t know others felt that way as well.

“Gabriel! Sweetie!” Mabel, his mom, enthuses as she grabs him in a bear hug and threatens his very existence. It’s bad enough I start to question whether I need to begin preparations for dealing with her to keep Gabriel’s ribs intact.

“Hey, Mom. I’m fine. I promise. You know the guy who took me is dead, right? He’s still dead. I promise.”

She just squeezes him tighter, and I wonder if Gabriel would give me a bad review if I put his mom in a headlock to save his life.

“You’re squishing me… to death,” he protests.

“Good! You shouldn’t worry me!”

“Your mom has barely been able to sleep since the whole incident,” Clark, Gabriel’s dad, says as he pats his son on the back. Like a good whack or two will restart the heart that his mom has crushed.

“Mom, I’m fine, I really wish you’d stop worrying unnecessarily. I want you to meet my boyfriend, Liam.” He finally manages to scrape her off in time to wave toward me.

What I don’t realize is that she hasn’t filled her quota of death by hugs, and she grabs me.

I freeze, not expecting the hug that is as bone-crushing as it looked. Like… who the fuck is going to put her in a headlock if she’s attached to me?

“I heard all about your heroics saving Gabriel. I really can’t thank you enough,” she gushes as I suddenly understand what it means to be a deer in the headlights. Like… what the fuck am I supposed to do with this? What the fuck do I do with my arms? I know I’m supposed to wrap them around her, but weirdly, they seem to only want to go around her neck in an attempt to save my own life.

Is this a threat? Is she telling me that she could end my life with a simple hug if I don’t keep her son safe enough? My first instinct is to threaten her back, but Gabriel’s over there looking like he’s trying to chase off a case of giggles.

“You are just a delight!” Mabel coos as she removes her arms of crushery from around me to grab my face in her hands. Apparently, the threat of crushing my body wasn’t enough and she’s now showing me that she could pop my eyeballs out if she squeezes my face to the extreme she’d squeezed my body. “And handsome too.”

“Mom, please,” Gabriel says.

She giggles, and I come to the conclusion that Gabriel’s parents are avid drug users. It’s odd he’s kept this secret from me, but I suppose I’ve kept plenty of secrets from him.

“I think you’re scaring him, Mabel,” Clark says, as though I could look serial killers in the eyes moments before their deaths but be frightened by this lady who holds everything in her hands. This single person could determine whether or not Gabriel commits his life to me.

“It takes a lot to scare me,” I assure him. “I’m Liam, but it sounds like Gabriel already told you that.”

Mabel says, “He did. It really is such a pleasure to finally get to meet you. I’ve been begging him to bring you around for weeks . I was starting to think that you were a fictional character from how long it was taking him.”

“I was busy, Mom. I explained that.”

“When he was little, he pretended to have a girlfriend. It was so funny and cute,” she tells me.

“Oh? Should I be jealous of her?” I ask Gabriel, realizing that this woman might have dirt on him. That sounds delightful and might be worth putting up with her for.

“Absolutely not. I was young and all my friends had girlfriends, and it was so stupid.”

His mom is clearly not done. “And then as he got older, I started to believe he’d only ever have his cat.”

Gabriel sighs quite dramatically. “Thanks, Mom. I love the picture you’re painting of me.”

“You’re welcome, dear. Liam, please, take your shoes and coat off and get comfortable.”

It would be like getting comfortable in a viper’s den. The only thing that could give me comfort is my knife in one hand and my gun in the other, but I really don’t think that’s the level of comfort she was going for.

I am paraded into the dining room where she rushes to put plates on the table.

“What would you like to drink, dear? The chicken should be done in about five minutes.”

It takes me far too long to realize that I am the “dear” in this situation.

“Anything is fine.”

“Want some chocolate milk? Gabriel loves chocolate milk. Let me make some for you,” she says. “Clark, can you set the rest of the table?” And with that, Gabriel and I are alone.

“Your mom is going to woo me with chocolate milk,” I say.

Gabriel laughs. “Would you like a beer or something?”

“Absolutely not. I must drink the milk and keep up the image of a normal human.”

“Stop speaking like you’re an alien.”

“Your mother’s threats are quite sophisticated.”

“Threats? When did she threaten you?”

“Did you not witness the way she wrapped around me like a boa constrictor seeking out its prey? She was testing the density of my bones so she’d know what size of weapon she needed.”

“My god, you’re dramatic. You don’t cry when I hug you,” he says as he wraps me up in his arms.

I immediately feel at ease, nothing like I’d felt when that woman had me in her grasp. “Hmm… you could strangle my body, and I would die happy,” I decide.

“So weird,” Gabriel says affectionately as he pulls off me before remembering the bag I’m holding. “Oh! The cookies. Let’s set those out. Mom, Liam made you cookies. They’re so freaking good. I snuck one when he wasn’t looking, and then I licked the cookie dough bowl clean.”

“You know you’re not supposed to eat dough,” Mabel says.

“Hasn’t killed me yet,” he retorts, as though it’s a challenge.

“This was far too sweet of you, Liam,” she says as she takes the container of cookies and sets it on the table. “They look delicious.”

“Thank you.” See? Look at me being all disgustingly normal. I can do this normal thing just fine. “I also got you both this.”

I hand them the wrapped box and she looks at me in surprise. “Oh! You didn’t have to get us anything!”

“Just a little something,” I say as she happily tears the packaging open and pulls out the blanket.

“This is beautiful! Thank you! Look, hon. Look what Liam got us! Oh! And a dish too? How pretty! Thank you.”

I look over at Gabriel to judge how well I’ve done. He looks relieved, which is a bit ridiculous. What did he think I had in there? The finger of his mom’s nemesis from work? He really should have a little faith in me… but I also see why he doesn’t.

The timer goes off and she sets the items down before rushing to the kitchen, and Clark goes to help her.

“Oh, thank god. I thought for sure it was going to be something so much worse,” Gabriel admits.

“What did you think was in there?”

“I don’t know! I got scared!”

“Your mother seems to have a beef with her coworker, so I thought about offering up like a finger or something, but I really wasn’t sure what she’d do with it, you know? At least these things she can use.”

Gabriel stares at me. “Do not joke about fingers around me.”

“Good god, I cut off one finger and you’ll never forget it.”

“I sure as fuck won’t! I am traumatized!”

His mom returns with a dish and his dad with my special ultra snazzy chocolate milk. Unless she added the chocolate to hide something she put in it, which would make this dinner that much more exciting.

“I hope you like chicken. I should have asked! Oh, do you not like chicken?” Mabel asks, obviously concerned I have some deep-seated hatred toward chicken.

“Gabriel once fed me a piece of toast that was so black it crumbled to ash when I touched it. And I still loved it, so I’m positive this will be perfect.”

“Gabriel has other good qualities,” she assures me.

“Excuse me?” Gabriel asks. “My cooking isn’t that bad.”

“Honey, one time I saw you eating packaged ramen with French fries mixed in.”

“I was… life was hard, okay? It was a mistake; I understand that now. Please stop telling Liam things about me.”

“I want to know everything,” I say, settling into the idea that I could use these two people to gain Gabriel knowledge before I run and never see them again. “Tell me everything Gabriel has ever done. Start from birth.”

“Please don’t start from birth,” Gabriel pleads.

“He was the sweetest little baby! His sister was so fussy, but he was just a doll . He had these huge brown eyes and would just stare.”

“Sounds creepy if it was anyone other than Gabriel,” I say, having never acquired the taste for children.

His mom laughs as she dishes me up a plate like I’m royalty as everyone else is left to dish their own plates.

“I would like to see pictures of this bush baby Gabriel,” I declare.

Mabel beams. “Of course! I have so many pictures. So tell me about yourself, Liam?”

I quickly realize that this is the worst topic we could have ever settled on when I could get more Gabriel details. “Not much to tell, honestly.”

“You work homicide as well?” Clark asks.

“I do.” There. That should be enough of a life story for them to move on to dirt about Gabriel.

“Gabriel nearly gave me a heart attack when he told me he was promoted to homicide. I’m just relieved that if he has to do it, he’s moved here to be closer to us,” Mabel says.

“Yeah?” And now he’s going to move into my home… as soon as I can convince him to. “He would definitely be safest if he didn’t live alone.”

Gabriel’s eyebrow lifts as he gives me a look. “Would I? After all, I have Lucille, and you assure me every day that my cat could take out the wickedest of assassins.”

“You always lived around here?” Mabel asks me.

“Within an hour or two,” I answer. “I grew up about an hour from here.”

“Your parents still live there?”

“No, they’ve both passed.”

“I’m so sorry to hear that,” Mabel says as she gets a weird look on her face like she suddenly wants to fill in for my deceased parents. Like she thinks there’s possibly a hole there…

There’s absolutely nothing she can do to fill the hole my parents left behind when I had to watch them both die. It’s not even a hole. It’s a fucking cavern and I’ve filled that shit in. There’s nothing getting in there. The only person allowed around any holes is my Gabriel.

Gabriel seems to get worried that I’m off in my mind thinking about dead parents, which… maybe I am, but he doesn’t have to fret too much. I’m always thinking about something. It’s what I do. I criticize things in my mind so that when I say them out loud, they hit even harder. “Liam has taught me so much at work. I really have to credit him for a lot of what I’ve done,” Gabriel says as he offers me a huge smile.

Aww, he’s so sweet and cute, and I just want to wrap him up and carry him home and never let anyone touch him again.

“At least he’s not like the first partner you had when you moved here. You know, the one who bullied you and chose to play games instead of work?” Clark says.

Oh. My. God…

Gabriel talked about me to his parents? He really does love me. “That would be me,” I say, quite proud of myself. “How could you not bully him when he’s that cute?”

Gabriel looks horrified that the conversation keeps getting worse the longer it goes on. I’m not sure what his issue is when I’m loving it. “He didn’t bully me. I just said that he was like… you know…”

Clark also looks horrified over what he’s started, which just adds to my enjoyment.

I lean forward with a grin. “No, I don’t know, Gabriel. But I’d love to.”

He raises an eyebrow. “Stop grinning like a fiend. Why does it make you so happy to know that you’re being difficult?”

“I feast on the suffering of others,” I say before realizing that’s not what you’re supposed to say to the parents of your beloved. “I mean… I was… teaching you… how to be a good detective.”

“Uh-huh. My mom heard what you said. She’s judging you now.”

Well, there’s a simple way to fix that. “I selflessly threw my own body in front of an attacker for your son, prepared to give up my life for him,” I say, and have one hundred percent won Mabel over. I really didn’t need to buy her all of that shit. I should have come in with a belly shirt to show off my bullet wound and have them forever be in my debt.

Mabel’s attention snaps to Gabriel. “An attacker? What happened? Gabriel, why didn’t I hear about this?”

Gabriel is looking at me in dismay as I merrily eat my delicious dinner, pleased that all attention has left me and is on my sweets.

“This chicken is phenomenal,” I toss out just to cement the fact that Mabel now loves me.

“Thank you, dear. Gabriel?”

He quickly takes a bite. “Yum. This is so good. I love you.”

I give him a smile that clearly says, “Keep harassing me and I’ll tell her I took a bullet for you.”

My sweet Gabriel gives me such a pleading look, so I decide that I will be the man of his dreams and call the attention off him. “Clark, Gabriel says you like to fish.”

“I do! I wish Gabriel would go fishing with me, but he’s never enjoyed it. Do you like to fish?”

“My father was going to teach me before he passed away,” I lie. My father had never gone fishing a day in his life and honestly thought it looked boring. “I always regret that he was unable to.”

Clark perks up. “I… I would love to teach you… if you’d like?”

“That would be amazing . I would love that so much.”

Why are they so innocent and easy to sucker? Is it because the humans I’m generally forced to interact with are assholes or serial killers? Probably. Maybe it’s the company I choose to keep… or maybe I’ve tainted them all.

I swing my attention to Mabel. “What about you? Do you like to fish as well?”

“Absolutely not. Bores me to death. I’ve really gotten into coloring lately. I just love it.”

I try to decide how that could be fun, but then I realize that since my hobby is killing people, I shouldn’t judge hers. “Sounds fun. Do you like art itself? Or prefer coloring?”

“I love all art, but I’m just so busy that it’s hard to sit down and create something when I could just… color between the lines, you know?”

“Makes sense.” When I’m tired it’s definitely easier to be mean to people in my office instead of looking for people outside of it.

Somehow, I survive the onslaught of questions, most of which I either skillfully avoid or redirect to make them talk about Gabriel. And then I talk about how ridiculous it was when I saw the Halloween costume he’d bought for his cat, and Gabriel eats up a significant chunk of our lives telling us about how “cute” the cat was.

“Liam, would you like to play a card game? What about rummy?” Mabel asks.

“I’d love to. I’m not sure I’ve actually ever played, but I’ll give it a shot,” I say as Gabriel’s parents begin to clean up dinner. We both offer to help, but they wave us off and stick Gabriel on the duty of teaching me.

“When was the last time I got to teach you something?” he asks, looking excited at the prospect.

“You taught me the art of patience. You also taught me true torture techniques by refusing to move in with me.”

“Ha. Ha. So funny,” he says as he starts going through the rules of the game. He would have been a good teacher… or maybe I just think he’d have been good at everything. “How about I show you my hand for the first round to help you out?”

“Sure,” I agree, even though I got the rules quite a while ago. I just love scooting my chair next to his and listening to how he’d play each move. I don’t even say anything when he clearly could have gone out the round before but was far too focused on helping me to notice.

And then I proceed to demolish the family. At one point, I consider losing a hand or two out of pity, but really… they shouldn’t be so bad at the game.

“I thought you never played this game before,” Gabriel says as he eyes his score.

“Just goes to show how phenomenal of a teacher you are,” I assure him.

“Ha. Funny and cute,” he says.

“Aww, you think I’m cute?”

He just laughs and deals out the next round even though he knows his fate.