Page 65 of A Fate of Blood and Magic (Fated #2)

Would the protective barrier Alastor and I had put in place be enough to protect us? What if we’d missed something while casting the spell? What if . . .

Fear crashed into me, pulling me under as my anxiety took root and flooded me.

I didn’t want to go.

I put a hand over my belly, knowing I didn’t want to chance putting them in danger again. But I also didn’t want to live in fear of all the what-ifs that may never happen.

I was alive. We were alive, and we couldn’t stop living out of fear of dying.

“Of course we’ll go,” I said, proud of the steady rhythm of my words.

“I think everyone’s going, or at least Ry, Donnie, and Nate are,” he said, his chin digging into the top of my head. “I don’t know how long they’ll stay but Donnie’s bored and wants to get out for a little while. I’ll see if Everly and George want to go too.”

Through the help of modern medicine and the magic from various healers, Donnie had improved enough that he was once again living in the house he shared with Ryenne and Nate.

I fought back the apprehensive thoughts that told me he wasn’t well enough to hang out.

If we had another attack and he inhaled even more of the magical smoke, his lungs wouldn’t be healed enough to fend it off.

Then there was George and Everly. I rubbed my chest. Elias and I had hurt them just as I was going to hurt Brenton, but before I could tell him about my shortened life span, I needed to tell him about Javier.

I sighed. “Javier knows how his dad died.” Tears immediately started to fall. “He moved to Alastor’s until he can join the military school. He doesn’t want George around the girls. I-we haven’t seen either of them since.”

“I’m sorry.” He held me tighter against him. “I’ll talk to Javi.”

I shook my head. “He has every right to hate us.”

“He’s lost so much, but I know, deep down, he’ll never hate you,” Brenton countered.

And maybe that was what made it worse. Not only had he learned to trust us, but he had come to love us. Would that be enough, though? Could he still love us despite hating the truth?

“If he’ll see you, then let him talk to you,” I said, my voice hitching with every tear that continued to fall. “Be there for him the way you were there for me. Don’t—will you just be there for him?” I could only hope Javier let him.

He kissed my forehead. “You know I will. He knows how much you love him. He’ll come back to you when he’s processed everything.”

Maybe he would . . . but probably he wouldn’t.

“Can you bring the kids if George goes to the tavern?”

“I don’t know. Javi’s letting the girls stay with us. I don’t want to upset him by going against something he said he didn’t want.” I forced some levity into my tone and wrinkled my nose. “You know, back in my realm, kids and taverns don’t mix.”

He dropped his hand over my shoulders, and when he started walking again, I followed. By the light way he carried himself, I knew he would let me get away with changing the subject.

“That’s because humans don’t know how to have fun.”

“Good thing I’m a mage then,” I said, forcing a smile I didn’t feel when he chuckled. “I’ll make sure to tell Ryenne how boring she is.”

Raising his brows, he pursed his lips. “Does Ryenne or any of them know what you and Elias gave up to save Donnie?”

Dammit, there we were again with the heavy shit.

“Kind of.” I bit my bottom lip, knowing Brenton would sense the way my pulse picked up. “I mean, they know what we told everyone, but there’s more to it.”

This wasn’t the right time to tell him, not after he’d done everything he could for Finley and, in the process, broke his heart further.

Also, I was cautious, wanting to keep this from him, fearing I’d lose him too. I already hated myself for the way I knew this news would hurt him. I couldn’t handle his hate on top of everything else.

He shifted. “Is this going to be one of those conversations I need to sit down for?”

“Maybe. Probably.”

“ Vith, Teddy,” he said lowly.

“Do you want to go back to the house?”

He looked behind us, where the trail looped back to our cabin. A gloominess resettled on his shoulders, making him draw closer to himself .

“There’s a pond not far from here,” he said. “You can tell me there.”

His hand clasped onto mine.

“I’m sorry, Brent.”

He shook his head, his already haunted eyes dulling further. “You did what you had to do to save Donnie’s life. I know that.” His throat bobbed. “Whatever it is, you and Elias will figure it out. I have no doubt about that.”

I let him lead me, my heart straining in my throat.

After melting the snow beneath a tall tree, he pulled me down to sit beside him.

I leaned my back and head against its thick trunk and held a deep breath in my lungs as the cold, wet ground soaked into my pants.

Beside us, the pond sat mostly frozen, with a small trickle filling the silence between us.

I tugged the coat I wore tighter around me as if it were a shield that would protect me against the words I’d yet to say.

“It wasn’t just our magic that we gave up,” I said, carefully eyeing him. “We had to give up our soulmate bond.”

He hissed in a breath, and I held a hand up.

But fuck, it’d hurt to have that bond ripped from me. It was a pain that still echoed in that empty chamber of my soul.

“Let me finish.” I batted away a tear that spilled. “Without the soulmate bond, my life no longer matches that of a fae.”

He stilled, his eyes going impossibly black as he took in what I said.

“I now have a normal human life span again and”—on my lap, I twisted my hands—“Elias chose to match his life to mine.”

George was right. We’d only focused on ourselves and not on anyone else. We’d been selfish, and because of that selfishness, so many would suffer.

Brenton had been alone for so long, without parents or siblings, but he’d found a family in Elias, George, and Everly. Blood and magic gifted us the sibling bond that still bloomed in my chest, making me feel his pain as if it were my own.

“I’m sorry,” I breathed out.

He blinked several times before he shook his head, and his eyes lightened. “No, Ted, don’t apologize.” He pulled me to his side, where I leaned my head on his shoulder, and he rested his head on mine. “I understand why you did it.” I heard his hard swallow. “It’s fine. It’ll be fine.”

“The babies,” I said, pausing when his body jerked with a violent flinch. I squeezed his hand that sat on my lap. “They’re fine. Elias and I would never choose to do something that would hurt them.”

“I know.” Slowly, his taut body relaxed.

I cupped my unused hand over my stomach. “The boys were conceived when we still had our bond and magic. Because of this, Nalari is certain they will have the same life span as a fae.”

And while I was happy they’d get to live hundreds of years together, with our fae friends and my brother and cousin to love and guide them, knowing we’d leave them far too soon, hurt.

Not only that, but any future baby we brought into this world would have the life span of a human, leaving our two boys to endure each of our deaths before they were even adults at 119 years old.

“Will you watch over them after we . . .” I couldn’t finish, not when a sob tore through me. I leaned forward, pressing my knees closer to my chest.

Brenton shifted to draw me closer to him. His arms wrapped around me while I rested my forehead against my leg .

“Whatever you need, sis,” he said. “I’ll do whatever you need.”

I turned my head to look at him. His eyes had faded in color.

“They’ll always have a home with me,” he said, his lips pressed together in determination. “They’ll never be alone or not know what it is to have a family.”

Another tear spilled down my cheek. “I know.” When I sniffled, I rubbed my nose with the back of my hand. “You’re the only one I trust to raise them.”

He kissed the top of my head. “The idea of losing you and Elias—” Head bowed, he shook it. “But I swear to you, I’ll always do my best by my nephews.”

The fissures of my heart cracked wider. Wide enough I was sure the tears I held back could drown my heart in sorrow.

The tavern was full of fae and humans. While most of the humans huddled together, away from everyone else, a small number of them mingled with the various fae, particularly the shifter fae.

A sorrowful emptiness filled every silent corner of the large establishment, with an undercurrent of anger and betrayal that lingered and soured the air.

Like a pulse that kept the heartbeat of every child we’d lost.

Quite a few of our people sought Elias out when we first arrived, a few even asking me questions about the mages, lirio, and nyxx. I wasn’t surprised at their curiosity, not when those very same beings had fought alongside our fae after the attacks.

Despite the distraction, fear clambered inside me. Although the tavern was spacious, it housed too many strangers. Sure, Alastor and I had put the protective barrier over the tavern, and I trusted his magic just as I trusted my mage magic, but the terror remained.

Alastor, who’d told me Javier was fine with the girls going to the tavern while George was present, guided the girls to sit with our friends.

I kept a watchful eye on the girls, while answering the questions I could.

When I suggested Alastor answer what I couldn’t, many fae seemed pleased with the idea.

Alastor joined us, hands in his pockets while he maintained some distance between himself and the fae from Niev. It wasn’t until two shifter fae with mage blood stood at his side that some of that coiled up tension released.

My anxiety rose though, and I felt Alastor reach for his magic to test the barriers with a luminescent light that I tracked as it reached the walls and showed me the barrier that still stood.

“You’re safe, Teddy,” Alastor’s low, calm voice reassured me. “Your family is safe. No one can harm you here.”

I gave him a jerky nod, my smile a little wobbly when Elias peered back at me in concern.