Page 26 of A Fate of Blood and Magic (Fated #2)

Understanding crossed Alastor’s features, and he gave me a solemn nod. A shadow spread over the bloody snow from his feet before Alastor summoned it back. “The lirio you are refusing took a bullet intended for Brenton.”

“Alastor—” But what else could I say?

“The iron hasn’t killed him yet. I have countless lirio who were also shot,” he continued.

“Those who survived were able to push it out and are now trying to help Ilgirth do the same, except his bullet is lodged in his heart, and therefore needs a proper healer to tend to him. Don’t worry yourself.

” He narrowed his eyes, for a beat mirroring the same hate his sister had directed at me.

The shadow at his feet edged forward again, and I stilled when the cold tendrils slithered over my boots and around my ankle. “Tend to yours as I will tend to mine.”

“I’ll take him back.” The words grated against my throat as I forced them out.

“Sixty-three lirio offered to come help you. I did not force them. They offered. I have no hold on them as you believe, Elias. I haven’t had a hold on them in months.

Still, sixty-three lirio came, and I am only bringing home twenty-seven.

” His eyes flashed in anger, and his shadow slinked over my leather pants.

It wrapped around my legs, making my skin cold.

Suddenly, it drew back and crept to its master.

“They agreed to camouflage you in the woods and to be your first line of defense once the battle began. They put your lives before their own because, for years, they experienced what it was like to be held captive. I will be taking my people back home.” He bowed his head but kept his attention on my face. “Do not seek our aid again.”

Vith .

“I’ll take Ilgirth back,” I said, the words streaming together. “Any lirio or nyxx who need it can see one of our healers.”

“There are no nyxx left.” His eyes seemed to pierce straight through me. “Every nyxx who came to fight alongside you died.”

His words landed like a pit in my stomach. “I’m sorry, Alastor. I?—”

“We are done, Elias.” His words vibrated with barely restrained fury.

With that, he walked away, damning me with every step he took .

Emotions rattled, I jolted when Everly rested a hand on my shoulder. “We must continue taking our people back.”

Guilt settled deep within me, and I let it take root alongside all my other mistakes.

I nodded.

For hours, long after the sun rose, I brought each fae home.

Several dozen fae who could bend space helped while healers mended those they could.

At some point, Teddy arrived with Javier and his friends.

While Javier, Delaney, and Aidas helped wherever needed, Teddy and Kieren searched for his father, who, unfortunately, was not among those we’d brought back to the healers.

Teddy kept a steady hand on his arm as I led them to one of our courtyards, where those who’d died were laid out for loved ones to identify. They were filthy with the dirt the humans had piled over them when they’d buried them and would have to be cleaned before we paid them our respects.

When we arrived, panic coiled down my spine. Words stuck in my throat so thick I couldn’t force out a cough.

“If you send me what your father looks like through our mental connection, I can search for him,” Teddy offered, her voice gentle.

Kieren shook his head. A few beats passed where they spoke through their minds, while Kieren stared at the ground.

Although he towered over her, Teddy put her arm around his back.

He leaned into her as they walked through our dead.

He kept his head bowed, and I assumed he’d sent Teddy an image of his father since she was the one who looked.

Chills spread across my skin in apprehension. With every fae they passed, the knot in my stomach loosened until I could finally draw in a solid breath when they returned.

“He isn’t there?” I asked .

“No,” Kieren sent through his mind.

“We’ll find him, Kieren,” I said.

He gave me a tentative smile. I held the back of his neck and dropped my head to touch his forehead.

“You have my word. We’ll find your father.”

“Thank you.” Those two words came out on a sigh, as if he believed me while his expression grew doubtful.

Although my attention was needed in a thousand different areas, I followed Teddy when she led me to an empty courtyard. With my body heavy, I sat on the bench that faced the garden my mother once tended to, and she sat on my lap.

She kissed my forehead, and I wrapped my arms around her, pulling her closer. When I went to kiss her again, she nudged my nose with the edge of hers. I captured her face with my hands and drew her in for a desperate kiss.

On her lips, I didn’t taste my mounting failures. In her eyes, I only saw the love she held for me. Although I didn’t deserve it, I drank it in. I drank her in.

I wanted to get lost in Teddy and never resurface.

Begrudgingly, I pulled back and turned my attention away from her.

“You should go see Alastor,” I said. “He lost a lot of his people today.”

She angled her head to the side, and her throat quivered when she swallowed. “He reached out to me through his mind when he came through the veil. He didn’t mention losing anyone but told me it’d been a hard night and I should come see you.”

The guilt in my chest built higher, and I wasn’t sure I’d ever be able to climb over it. I wasn’t sure I wanted to.

“I know you’re busy here, but you should come with me to see how we can help Alastor’s people,” she said .

“He won’t want me there.” When my hands shook, I tightened them into fists. “I made a terrible mistake today, Teddy. I—one of his lirio needed a healer, and I refused to bring him to one of ours until I finished bringing my people.”

In my arms, she stiffened. I wanted to look away from the frown she gave me but forced myself to meet her disappointment.

“I don’t know if Ilgirth, the lirio, made it back.

If he died, it’s on me.” I was gentle when I moved Teddy off me so I could stand to pace.

I dragged my fingers through my hair and snarled.

“He lost thirty-six of his lirio today. I don’t know how many nyxx, only that none of them survived.

” I stopped to face her, and I wondered if the expression I wore mirrored her devastation.

“They went of their own free will. Alastor said he hasn’t had a hold on them in months.

The lirio have been helping me because they chose to.

Today, too many of them sacrificed their lives for my people, and I hesitated—was ready to refuse to bring one lirio back to Niev to see a healer. ”

I knelt in front of her, wanting her to hug me while also wanting her to push me away. She ran her hand through my hair, and that familiar affection made my stomach churn.

“Is this really the male you choose to love?” I asked. Heat burned the back of my throat, but I made myself look at her. I took in her thinned lips and her brows that she drew together. Beneath it all was her unwavering love. “Is this—am I really the one you want to spend your life with?”

She cupped my chin with a hardened look on her face. “I don’t agree with what you did, but that doesn’t change how I feel about you.”

When I went to bow my head, she held my chin firmer.

“You made a selfish decision today,” she continued.

“That doesn’t make you bad or selfish. If you were human, I’ d say it makes you human.

” Her lips ticked up the tiniest bit. “Apparently, fae are just as prone to bad behavior as we are. I expect you to apologize to Alastor and Ilgirth. It’s up to them if they forgive you, but that won’t change my relationship with any of them. ”

If Ilgirth was alive.

“Of course not,” I said quickly. “Alastor is your family. The lirio and nyxx are part of his. I love that you have a relationship with them and would never want to get in the way of that.” When she caressed my cheek, I buried my head in her lap.

“I’m sorry for what I did, mo elma. I have no excuse for it. ”

“You’re under a lot of pressure. It doesn’t excuse anything, but I also understand.

You want to bring your people home. You want your kingdom to be whole again.

It wasn’t that long ago that Nalari and Brenton explained how you’d protect me at all costs without regret.

It isn’t hard to imagine that loyalty extends to the people who are now your responsibility.

You’re protecting them by any means necessary, even if it means harming others.

Today, you hurt Alastor and his people.” My muscles twitched when she ran her hand down my back.

She took her time stroking her way back up.

“Most days, you only hurt yourself. It’s still not okay, and I hate the ways you hurt yourself, but I also don’t know anything about ruling a kingdom that’s in mourning.

I wish you’d tell me how I can help you in some way.

I wish you’d let your friends help you. I wish you’d see you don’t have to do any of this alone. ”

Except I did. Didn’t I?

I’d allowed myself to rely on Alastor, and now, countless people of his were dead because of me. I couldn’t risk bringing anyone else in, but I also couldn’t do it alone.

While I had thought Finley was a good decision, I now saw how wrong I was.

Brenton still loved her, and I was near certain she loved him back while also loving her intended.

Their end, whatever it looked like, would be devastating to each of them.

And I’d orchestrated bringing Finley back into Brenton’s life.

“I have something I have to tell you,” Teddy said, bringing her hand to my cheek while her eyes scanned my face. She dragged in a slow breath. “A few months ago, Bon told me how Alastor had released his hold over them.”

I flinched at her words, ready to stand and pace, but she kept her hand on my face.

“Please let me finish.” Her words trembled, and I scented the tears she held back. “I know I should’ve told you. I was going to when you brought the last of the fae from the regions, but then you had to leave again. I’m sorry, I?—”

“Why didn’t you tell me when I was still bringing them back from the regions?” My words came out heated, and I swallowed, trying to gentle my tone. “Why didn’t you trust me when Bon told you?”

She shook her head, all that beautiful red hair spilling over her shoulders. I wanted to touch the thick strands and fist them in my hand.

“It’s not that I didn’t trust you.” She strung each word together as she rushed to explain. “You’ve had so much on your plate, and I didn’t want to add to that by having you think you could no longer trust Alastor or the lirio.”

“Instead, you kept the truth from me and endangered my life with creatures who have attacked and killed my people.”

It was her turn to flinch. She rose to her feet slowly as she crossed her arms over her chest. “I didn’t endanger your life. I’d never endanger your life. I trust Alastor just as I trust the lirio. ”

“So it’s only me, your mate, who you don’t trust?”

“That’s not fair.”

I sighed. “What’s not fair is that you kept this from me.”

“You’re right.” She drew in her bottom lip. “That wasn’t fair of me. I did it to protect you. I swear I did it to protect you, mo elma. I didn’t want you worrying about trusting the lirio when I knew you could. I shouldn’t have made that decision for you.”

On my tongue, I tasted the saltiness of the tears she still hadn’t shed. Unable to see her hurting, I stepped into her and put my arms around her. Wrapping her arms around my waist, she rested her head on my chest.

“I would never put your life in danger.” Her words came out small and sad.

I ran a hand over her head. “I know that.” I kissed the top of her head.

“I shouldn’t have said that.” I sighed again.

“Today’s devastation wrecked me, and . .

. I should never have accused you of putting my life in danger when I trust you with every part of my soul.

I know you’ll always have my best interest at heart, just like I’ll always have yours. ”

She peered up at me and blinked several times, but a few tears escaped. “Always.”

I pressed my lips to hers. “No more secrets. Not between us.”

“I promise.”

I understood and could almost appreciate why she’d kept it from me.

“Since I was a youngling, the lirio have been the greatest threat to my kingdom. I’ve fought them and watched them slaughter warriors and friends I’ve trained with.

” I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose. “I don’t know how to trust them.”

“It’s not enough that I trust them?” she asked .

Taking a step back, I hung my head. “I’m sorry.”

She ran her knuckles across my jaw. “Trust takes time to build.”

And I’d shattered the alliance Alastor had created.

Regardless of what happened, I wasn’t sure how I’d rally through it.

Because this . . . there was no moving past this mess I’d inherited because of my parents’ despicable actions.

Their sins seemed to follow my every misstep and lead me to this murky future where I wasn’t sure I was a male worthy of redemption.

Maybe I was my father’s son.

And that terrified me more than anything else.