Page 72 of A Dove To Break

“Adrian!” Raul calls out.

“Let me go! Goddamn it. Let me go,” I continue to scream, thrashing and kicking my heel back. When I hear someone running toward us, I throw my head back in a panic, trying to get away. Suddenly, it’s not Raul holding me, it’s Edward. It’s Phillip. It’s Fredrico. It’s all the men who have ever hurt me, and I need to escape. I need to save myself.

“Get the fucking razor,” the man holding me barks.

Someone pries the knife out of my hand, and my arms are crossed over my chest. I am screaming at the top of my lungs, begging them to let me go. I don’t want to die. I’m so confused. I can’t break out of this fog, and it’s too heavy.

Somehow, I end up on the bed. Someone is hugging me tightly from behind, pinning my arms. His legs are wrapped around mine, and I can’t break free. I’m stuck. What will he do to me? Will I live?

“Baby, look at me. Alania. Baby. Look. Focus on my voice,” someone says. I blink at him, and it’s not registering. “Say my name, baby. Focus.”

And then it hits me. The rage turns to sorrow, and I crumble. My heart shattered yet again, and I’m exhausted. Tired of fighting. Tired of surviving while others suffer.

Brent doesn’t let go of my face. He lets me feel this, but doesn’t let me pull away. “I’m so sorry,” I cry. “I killed her. I should have…”

“Why did he shoot her, Alania?” Brent asks. “We haven’t heard what happened and have only seen surveillance. Why?”

“He told me to suck him off, and I said no,” I sniffle. “I should have…”

“You did not kill her, Alania. You hear me?” Brent says.

“But…”

“What would Fiona tell you?” he asks. “Hmm?”

“She would be proud of me for standing up for myself,” I whimper.

“Then do that, baby. For her. For you. Stand up for yourself and know that she fucking loved you, Alania. She wouldn’t want this for you. We all know that woman would not have let you lay in this bed.”

“I miss her,” I say, my voice breaking.

“I know, Nia. I know,” he says softly, but then his voice turns sinister. “He’s going to let you go, but if you ever threaten to hurt yourself again, I’ll kick your ass. Do you understand me? Don’t ever do that again.”

“I’m sorry,” I whisper.

“Don’t apologize, Alania,” Brent says. “What were you thinking?”

“That I am going to get you guys killed… Just like I did Fiona. You’d be better off…”

“Stop it,” Brent says firmly. “Now, I love you so damn much, Nia, but you know I won’t sugarcoat shit. You are drowning yourself and making no effort to swim back to the surface. If you sink, it will be because you gave up. Fiona is dead. That’s a fact. Edward is alive, but he won’t be for much longer. Okay? We will make this right, but if you drown, losing her will be for nothing.”

“You can’t just guilt me into feeling better,” I sniff.

“Nia, I’m not telling you to suck it up. I’m telling you to get up. Don't let this take you down because then he wins. Why do you think he did it, baby? He wants to watch you crumble. You are a fucking fighter, Alania. Fucking fight,” Brent says.

“I don’t know how to stop being sad,” I whisper.

“Be sad, Alania. Let yourself feel this so that when we kill him, you can do it for her. For mom. For you. For all the people he has hurt. You get to fight for retribution, but you have to find your way back to the surface,” Brent says softly. “Don’t rush, but don’t lay here and give up. Okay?”

“Okay,” I whimper.

“Try and get some rest, Alania. Okay?”

“Okay,” I cry.

“What is it, sweetheart?”

“I don’t know why he doesn’t hate me,” I cry. “I killed his wife.”