Page 6

6

T ess

Wednesday: Wedding minus 10 days

S usan said she had things to do considering this new threat to Dead End, so Jack and I walked over to Beau’s, mainly talking about how bad this was going to get, that there was no way Shelley would compete in magic against a Fae, and what to do about Mrs. Frost.

We put the whole battle aside, because we had more than enough to deal with for now.

“That’s a lot of people,” Jack said, and I looked up from my phone and the texts from Aunt Ruby to see a small crowd gathered outside of Beau’s Diner. Rather, a small crowd was gathered on one side of the, I guess we’d have to call it a patio area, now. Only one … person … stood on the other side.

“That must be the troll.”

Jack sighed. “I never liked trolls.”

“They can’t help smelling bad and having green teeth. They live in swamps, Jack.”

“It’s not the smell. It’s their attitude. They’re grumpy and rude. And they cheat at cards.”

I wasn’t going to ask how he knew this. It was all part of the many and varied experiences he’d had as a rebel soldier in the vampire wars.

“Well, I hate to take my turn at being Captain Obvious, but how about you just don’t play cards with him?”

Jack shook his head, and he had a pained expression on his face. “You’ll see. Even as sunny as you are, you’re not going to like a troll.”

Lorraine saw us coming and pushed through the crowd to rush over to us, and I could all but see the fire coming out of her ears.

“Oh, boy,” I muttered. “This could be bad.”

Lorraine Packard had been manager/drill sergeant at Beau’s Diner for over fifty years. She stood around five two in her yellow orthopedic shoes, had short silver hair, a yellow starched uniform today, and she was smart as a whip. She was great friends with my Aunt Ruby and Eleanor, and family to me and now, by extension, to Jack.

You annoyed Lorraine only if you wanted to risk grave peril or public humiliation.

“It’s about time,” she said, planting herself in front of us. “Everybody came to look at the troll, but nobody wants to sit down with him. He’s feeling ostracized, and you know what happens when a troll feels ostracized.”

Jack nodded.

“No, I have no idea,” I said. “What happens when?—”

“They bash things,” she said darkly. “Windows, cars, tables, and even people. Nobody wants a rampaging troll bashing things at Beau’s.”

“Or anywhere in Dead End,” Jack said, grinning at her. “We’ll take care of it.”

“About time.” She whirled around, planted her hands on her hips, and cleared her throat. “Everybody who isn’t planning to sit their butts down and order food can move along.”

Feet shuffled, but nobody moved.

“Now!” Lorraine shouted.

Everybody moved.

Everybody except the troll.

He looked straight at me.

I had a second or two to realize swamp trolls were every bit as scary looking as I’d read and heard, but then a breeze floated at us. And it originated behind the troll.

So, then I had to focus on not throwing up or running away.

This wasn’t a “bad smell.”

This wasn’t even a stench.

This was an aroma like all the nastiest smells in the world got together and threw a party.

“That poor troll,” I said, when I could open my mouth without fear of retching. “I bet nobody wants to be around him.”

“Tess. Now’s not the time to?—”

I ignored Jack and walked over to the troll, careful to take shallow breaths through my mouth. It wasn’t enough to mask the smell, but this was a Dead Ender. We stood together in my town. “Hi! I’m Tess. Welcome to Beau’s! Would you mind company for lunch?”

The troll looked me up and down, apparently considering, so I looked back. There was a lot to look at. He was maybe six feet tall and very wide, with shoulders like a pro football player and an immense chest to match, clad in a white T-shirt that said Drink More Ovaltine . He wore cutoff denim shorts over massive legs, and he was barefoot. His forehead was low, and his orange eyes were widely spaced. When he finally opened his mouth to answer me, I saw squarish teeth that were surprisingly white.

I wouldn’t have expected somebody who lived in a swamp to have great toothbrushing habits.

“Why?” he rumbled. “The other humans don’t want to come near me.”

“I love that movie,” I said, gesturing at his shirt. “Poor Ralphie!”

“What movie?”

Okay. No movies in the swamp. Or else his movie taste didn’t run to A Christmas Story.

“Never mind. I’d like to have lunch with you.” I turned to wave Jack over, sending my fiancé a look. “We’d like to have lunch with you, because you’re new to town, and we’d like to get to know you. To make friends.”

The troll scowled, but when Jack approached, his scowl turned into a grimace. “Not the cat. Cats smell bad.”

Jack returned his scowl with interest. “That’s a clear case of the pot calling the kettle?—”

“Jack! I’m sure Mr. … ah?” I beamed my best smile at the troll, who tilted his head and gave me a very confused look.

I smiled even wider. Persistence is one of my strengths, or so I’ve been told. Usually by people who don’t appreciate it, but whatever.

“I’m Braumsh,” he finally muttered. “Yes, you can eat with me. Maybe not the cat.”

“The cat comes with me,” I said, before Jack could say something rude. “We’re getting married in ten days.”

“You could do better,” Braumsh said, in a voice like breaking rock.

I blinked. Maybe Braumsh and Anastasia the dog knew each other?

No. That was silly.

“I definitely could not do better,” Jack said silkily, deliberately misinterpreting the troll’s remark.

“So, what’s the special, Lorraine?” I waved her over. “I know there’s no point in looking at the menu.”

“Cheeseburgers, fries, and chocolate cake,” she said briskly. “Who wants what?”

“Milkshake,” Braumsh said.

“We don’t?—”

“MILKSHAKE.”

Lorraine clenched her jaw, and I knew what was coming, so I intervened. “Maybe you could whip one up just as a welcome to town, Lorraine?”

She paused, but then nodded. “Fine. What else?”

“I’ll take the special. No mayo, extra pickles, please.”

“Tess Callahan, do you think I don’t know you don’t like mayonnaise? I’ve known you since you were a baby!”

“Want burgers. Fries. Milkshake,” the troll said.

“How many burgers?”

“Six burgers. Many fries. Milkshake.”

“Got it. Jack?”

Jack smiled at Braumsh. It wasn’t a friendly smile. “I’ll have seven burgers.”

The troll leaned forward, his gaze locked on Jack. “Eight!”

“Nine,” my stubborn, annoying tiger said.

“TEN!” the troll roared.

I jumped up out of my chair. “Enough! Ten burgers for each of them, one for me, tons of fries, lemonade for me and Jack, and one milkshake, please.”

Lorraine marched off before either the tiger or the troll could continue the ridiculous burger-upmanship game.

“It’s nice to meet you. Do you have a family?”

“Why are you in town?” Jack asked bluntly.

“No family, yet.” The troll’s orange gaze turned sly. “You could marry me instead of him. I’m a good provider. Many fish.”

Whatever I expected, it was not that.

Seeing me freeze, the troll threw his head back and rumbled out a laugh that sounded like a five-car collision. “Humans have no sense of humor.”

“Trolls aren’t funny,” Jack put in.

“What’s your problem?” the troll demanded.

“Every troll I’ve ever known has been a troublemaker,” Jack said, leaning forward. “I hope you’ll be the exception.”

“I’m as gentle as a lamb,” Braumsh rumbled. Then he rubbed his enormous belly. “Love lambs. Good eating.”

I winced. “Okay, well, it’s nice to meet you. How long are you in town?”

“Trying to run me out already?”

Lorraine arrived with our food before I could answer, and then several minutes passed with no words, only the sounds of Jack and the troll competing for who could make his way through the stacks of burgers and fries the fastest.

“I’m here to learn how you dry landers do things,” he finally said, after beating Jack to the last fry on the table. “You could help. Do you want to have dinner with me?”

“We—”

“Not both of you,” he said. “Only Tess.”

“While I appreciate the invitation, I can’t. I have to go to a town hall meeting.” I said carefully, lying a bit because I’d told him I was getting married, so I didn’t appreciate the invitation, but I also didn’t want to start a confrontation.

“Good idea. I will go to this meeting.”

“It’s about a Dead End problem,” Jack said.

“I live in Dead End,” the troll fired back. “I will ask this Lorraine for the details after I give her gold for this food.”

When he stood, I did, too. “Please, let me pay for it. As a welcome to Dead End gesture.”

Braumsh tilted his head so far to the left his ear touched his shoulder. “Why do you do this? I will owe no debts.”

“Oh. No. I’m not Fae! I don’t do things to incur obligations,” I told him. “It’s just a neighborly thing to do.”

He blinked his enormous orange eyes slowly. “Yes. Neighborly. Fine. When next we meet, I will pay for the food. Until later, Tess.”

“I … okay,” I said faintly, watching him turn and trudge off while pointedly not saying anything to Jack.

“Wow. No dead bodies, and two invitations to go on dates in one day,” I said, slumping back into my chair. “Now to attend a town hall meeting and then an archery competition.”

“If you want to go on a date with the troll …” Jack grinned at me.

My phone rang. Eleanor.

“Hey, what’s up?”

“You need to get back here. We’ve got a problem.”

“What now?”

But the phone went dead.