Page 18 of A Bride for the Cruel Duke (Claimed by Regency Devils #1)

Chapter Eighteen

“Y ou are awfully quiet,” Roderick said after what must have been several minutes of brewing silence. “More so than usual, anyhow.”

Anthony brought himself back into the room, determined to keep his mind from straying to that same place it had been all day. “Is that a problem?”

Roderick snorted. “Should it be?”

“You’re the one who brought it up,” Anthony noted stonily. “What’s the matter? Missing my company? Getting lonely, are we?”

“Do not mistake curiosity for desire, Anthony,” Roderick scoffed. “The truth of the matter is, I prefer it when you speak little. The Lord knows that you make for tragic company at the best of times. At least this way, I can simply pretend that you are not a most rotten sort whom I often find myself wondering what might happen if I was to break this tankard over your head and be done with it.” He was holding a tankard of ale, and he took a large mouthful as if to suggest he might finish his drink and test this little idea of his.

Anthony shook his head at his friend. “Do not let me stop you. My only advice to you is do not miss. Somehow, I doubt you will like what will happen next.”

They were sitting in a corner booth at their favorite gentleman’s club, empty of the moment as it was still early. Having traveled south to pay visit to his bride-to-be, Roderick had sent word to Anthony, asking if he wished to meet for a drink. It was a kind gesture; proof that the two were indeed good friends. Alas, as was always the way with them both, they could not escape from the patterns they had spent a lifetime establishing. A need, it felt like, to prove who was the more powerful and important and dispassionate of the two.

“I am only joshing, Anthony,” Roderick sighed. “Why do you have to take things so seriously?”

“Have I been known to take them any other way?”

“I suppose not,” Roderick snorted. “That’s what I always liked about you. Although I hesitate to use the word liked. Put up with, perhaps.”

“My tenacity for violence?”

“That you don’t mince words,” Roderick corrected. “If there is one good thing to be said of you, it’s that I can always tell what you are thinking. Which brings me back to my original query.” He cocked an eyebrow. “The aforementioned silence which sits upon your shoulders like a heavy cloak.”

“Which has me wondering why you care,” Anthony asked. “Do not tell me that your engagement has made you soft, Roderick. Do not tell me...” Anthony pretended to look aghast. “That you are developing feelings? Worried for me, are you?”

He scoffed. “Do not insult me. And I am sorry that I brought it up. Go one then...” He waved Anthony away. “Back to your silent pontificating. Why I even bother...” he muttered to himself as he took another mouthful of ale.

Anthony eyed his friend curiously. Roderick was indeed acting strangely. Not so strangely that anyone else might have noticed, for all he had done was ask Anthony what was wrong with him. But it was strange for Roderick because he had asked Anthony what was wrong.

It’s an odd friendship that we have , Anthony thought to himself with a shake of the head. Showing feelings and concern for one another is considered out of character.

Perhaps Anthony had hit the nail right on the head with his assumption. That being, Roderick’s engagement had affected the man in ways he couldn’t have predicted. It would not have surprised Anthony if that was the case, for he too was suffering from the same sense of confusion of character.

It was thoughts of his wife which pestered him. What happened last night. What happened this morning. What might happen tonight. And what on earth Anthony planned to do about it.

Anthony was attracted to his wife, and that was starting to become a problem. It should not have been. Truly, it should have been exactly what Anthony wanted—what he had told himself he wished for, right from the beginning. But Anthony was a complex character, damaged from a lifetime of distrust and loneliness, and thus, he found it difficult to accept the very real fact that if things continued this way, he might for once in his life be happy.

Last night had nearly seen him undone. Oh, the self-control it had taken him not to have her then and there was more than he thought himself in possession of. Indeed, the only thing that had kept him from having her was his desire to prove to her that he cared about her wellbeing. It was just so unlike him!

It had Anthony considering what it was that he really wanted from all of this. An heir, he told himself, the original goal of this marriage. Only now, that seemed inconsequential. An afterthought, because he had hardly even given it a moment of thought in the last two days. Yes, he wished for an heir, but more than that, he wished for a marriage that was more than one of mere convenience.

Only, Caroline wasn’t making it any easier on him. He could sense her coming around slowly and was sure that she would. But what would happen if he broke before she did? Another night last like night, putting Anthony in that same situation, and he couldn’t say if he had it in himself not to take his wife completely.

I am scared to sleep with my wife. As bizarre a realization that could possibly exist.

He was walking a fine line here, he knew. One wrong step taken and it would undo him and this marriage both.

“At least I can say one thing is true,” Roderick started again as he finished his ale and slammed the tankard down on the table. “Marriage has not changed you.”

“Is that right?”

“Ha!” Roderick laughed. “Not from where I am sitting. Still the same ice-cold prick you were before succumbing to the farce that is matrimony. Truth be told, I worried you might not come today...” He flashed his eyes mischievously. “Thought that perhaps your dear wife might have unmanned you.”

“As your fiancée has you?” Anthony shot back.

Roderick’s face dropped. “That is not—we are talking about you.”

“Are we now?” Anthony responded coolly. “Then why does it feel as if you are projecting? Is it possible that you, Roderick, are starting to fall for your betrothed? I thought it felt chilly today, a sure sign that hell has frozen over.”

Roderick scoffed. “Do not be absurd. If that was the case, then would I still be going through with my original plan? To marry Violet and then ship her off to her own estate, as far from me as possible?” He nodded rightly. “If it seems that I am eager for this marriage to happen, it is only so I can be done with it once and for all.”

“Sounds like a match made in heaven.”

“The woman is pretty enough, do not get me wrong….” He drifted off for a moment, and Anthony might have been imagining things, but he could have sworn he saw a smile on Roderick’s lips. “But to have her there, always hovering about. No thank you.”

“I am sure she says the same of you.”

Roderick barked a laugh. “I am sure that she does. Honestly, I am doing her a favor as much as anything. Ending up with me as a husband…” He shuddered. “I can’t imagine a worse fate. Well….” He smirked at Anthony. “That is, of course, with the exception of ending up with you as a husband.”

“How very droll.”

Anthony watched Roderick guzzle more ale, unable to hide his disgust… or perhaps that was pity? Hard to say, as Anthony wasn’t one to waste emotions worrying about a friend who would never do the same for him. But in this moment, he could not help but wonder at how Roderick was behaving, as he saw in his best friend a side to him which was as ugly as it was miserable.

Is that what I have in store for myself? If I continue to deny how I feel or question it? If I refuse to accept what Caroline and I might be, and why? Because I am afraid of being happy? What is even the point?

“And how is that pretty little wife of yours,” Roderick said.

“What?” Anthony stiffened.

Roderick waved him down. “A compliment, man. Do not get so stiff about it. She is a fine sort, I must admit. But be careful. Women like that, they know what they are doing. Little use to them, besides the obvious, but she will have you slobbering like a hungry pup if you don’t set ground rules early.” He chuckled. “Lord knows she’s probably as dull as a bowl of porridge, anyhow.”

Despite his best attempt, Anthony turned rigid to hear his wife spoken about like that. He knew deep down that he shouldn’t have cared what Roderick was saying, as he had once thought the same. Only now...

Is it still worth trying to convince myself that I don’t care about Caroline?

“Careful now, Roderick,” Anthony said with forced calm. “That is my wife you are speaking of.”

Roderick frowned as if in confusion. “Truly?”

“Truly,” Anthony said with a snarl. “Now, apologize. Before I make you.”

Roderick leaned back. “I was only speaking in jest, man! Just in jest.”

“Apologize,” he repeated.

“I am sorry…” He blew through his lips and then took another sip of ale. “A man makes a joke…”

“A joke is one thing, but you speak of my wife like that again and you will be sorry that you did.”

Yes, Anthony was falling for his wife and with that in mind, as he rode home from the gentleman’s club, he found his mood soaring like it never had before. What had started as a marriage of convenience had transformed into so much more; a marriage that had a real shot at being a happy one.

The only problem that Anthony could foresee now was the very real chance that he might screw it all up. Caroline still did not trust him fully. If he tried to force her in any way, she would assume his goals to be impure and rightly push him away—she had told him that she would, and he was inclined to believe her. Worse than that, if she did deny him and Anthony’s temper roared, that amorous lust which he had managed to keep tame for all this time, then he might just prove to her and himself that he was exactly what people said of him. The Cruel Duke, indeed.

He needed to tread carefully. And most importantly, if I find myself in a similar situation to last night, I cannot allow it to go too far.

That, Anthony knew, would be the hardest part of all.