Page 73 of A Breath of Life (Shadowy Solutions #4)

Diem

T allus was scheduled to return to work at the department the following day after ten days of medical leave. He’d been doing desk work for the PI business but otherwise taking it easy as per doctor’s orders.

At present, he lounged on the couch with Echo, watching some mindless reality show he and Memphis enjoyed. I didn’t understand the draw, but I usually joined him and endured his incessant chatter about the contestants.

That evening, while he absorbed the show, I cleaned up the mess from Tallus’s attempt at making dinner.

Cooking had become a reluctant hobby since he had so much time on his hands, and I’d become the unfortunate test subject made to try all the recipes he found online.

How the man got sauce on the ceiling, I would never know.

I’d done my best not to smother him since his release from the hospital, despite the ache in my chest and bone-deep worry that crawled over my skin every time he was out of sight. Ace and his cronies were behind bars, awaiting trial after being denied bail, yet I couldn’t relax.

Dr. Peterson and I were working on my insecurities and flaring protective urges, among many, many other issues. The last thing I wanted was to drive Tallus away.

My addictions lingered. Bad habits were hard to kick.

More than once, while on the balcony with a cigarette, fighting the inner shake of alcohol withdrawal, I caught myself staring at Ruiz’s phone number in my contact list. Asking for help wasn’t easy despite recognizing I needed it.

Someday I would find the courage to place that call and ask for that contact.

I didn’t want to be a constant failure. I wanted to quit and make it stick, prove to Tallus, but mostly to myself, that I could do hard things.

Surveying the kitchen, satisfied that it was clean enough, I hung the damp towel and watched Tallus as he watched his show.

He lounged in underwear, shirtless and sexy as ever, with his come-fuck-me-glasses and long, lean body on display.

The bruise on his chest had faded, and only a faint yellowish-brown mark remained.

I kissed it every night before bed, recalling with an ache how close I’d come to losing him.

Those brief moments of fear in the church when I’d been certain he was going to die in my arms still haunted my dreams.

After ten days of soul-searching, processing, and chatting with my doctor, I’d done something far outside my comfort zone. It felt both outrageous and right at the same time. All evening, I’d been trying not to talk myself out of it.

Now or never.

“Hey, Tal,” I said, trying to get his attention. “Can we talk?”

He hummed but didn’t take his eyes off the screen.

“Tallus? ”

He made a noise to indicate he was listening, but I suspected he wasn’t, so I tested that theory.

“I’m going to clean Baby’s terrarium in about five minutes.” I wasn’t. I’d done it the other day.

“’Kay.” He didn’t move. He didn’t flinch.

“Thought so,” I muttered. “Tal?”

“Shh. I’m watching my show.”

I checked the time and waited. “How long do you have left?” Not that it mattered. He streamed the episodes, so it wasn’t like he couldn’t pause it.

No response.

I waited before trying again. “Two minutes, and I’m cleaning Baby’s terrarium.”

No response.

“Did you hear me?”

“Yeah. Oh my god. Look at this guy. He’s such a freak. He’s totally getting voted off tonight. Wait and see.”

“You should probably find somewhere safe to be.”

“D, did you hear me? This guy’s been lying to everyone, and it came back to bite him in the ass. Look at him. I can’t believe Memphis likes him. He’s such a douche.”

“Did you hear me?”

He burst out laughing at some antic on the program.

I collected the supplies I used to clean Baby’s terrarium and set them by the tank. “Last chance.”

He didn’t respond.

“Three, two, one…” I undid the latches and lifted the lid. “Hello, Baby,” I cooed. “Want to come out and explore? ”

I hadn’t even reached inside the tank when Tallus launched from the couch with a shout. “Jesus fuck. What the hell? Don’t you dare. Diem! Warn a guy next time.”

He scrambled down the hallway to the bedroom.

Echo, unsure what was happening, barked.

The door down the hall slammed after Tallus shouted, “Why do you do this to me? I thought you loved me. You’re evil. Give a guy a warning.”

Chuckling, I closed and locked the lid on the terrarium. Every fucking time, but today, it got me what I wanted.

At the bedroom door, I tried the knob and found it locked, so I knocked. “Hey. Let me in.”

“You are not coming in here if that snake is out. God help me, Diem Krause, you know I hate that thing.”

“She’s in the tank.”

“Do you swear?”

“Yes. It was a ruse. I cleaned it on the weekend. I wanted you in the bedroom.”

A pause.

The lock clicked, and Tallus cracked the door an inch, peeking from within with a frown. “If you wanted me in the bedroom, all you had to do was ask.”

“I’ll remember that next time. Can I come in?”

He glanced past me down the hall. “Is she really caged?”

“Yes.”

He opened the door and propped his hands on his hips, looking petulant and sexy as ever. “You’re a big meanie. I don’t know why you torment me.”

“I wanted to talk to you.”

“Then say that next time. ”

“I’ll do that.” I shifted my weight, unsure how to begin.

A stitch appeared between Tallus’s brows. He must have sensed my anxiety. “What’s this about? Is everything okay? Did something happen? Is it Nana? Did you—”

“Tallus, shut up for a minute. It’s…” In a flash, my brain locked up, and words vanished. I opened my mouth and closed it again. No. I could do this. I wanted to do this. Had to do this. “I…”

I guided Tallus to the bed. “Sit.”

He quirked a brow.

“Please.”

He didn’t sit, sprawling on the comforter instead like an offering. With his head propped in his upturned hand, he hit me with the sultry and mischievous grin I adored. “What’s up, D?”

“How do you look so hot all the time?”

“It’s a gift.”

“You make it hard to concentrate.”

“Is that a bad thing? I’m not sure how to stop.”

“Clothes would help.”

“You want me to get dressed?”

“No.”

But I was a weak man when it came to Tallus.

I lay on the bed beside him, touching the faded bruise over his heart.

The words still wouldn’t come, so I distracted myself by trailing the tips of my fingers over his warm skin, admiring his perfection.

It was hard to believe there existed a time when touching him was impossibly hard.

It came easily now, without thought. I could hardly imagine what it would be like to be denied this pleasure. To lose it forever.

“You said you wanted to talk. ”

“I do.” I scored a path over his hip and across to his navel, making him shudder. At the mouthwatering trail that led beneath his underwear, I paused and gnawed my lip.

“Is this a sex talk, D?”

I tore my attention from his groin.

He wiggled his brows.

“No. Well, yes. Um…” I cringed. I was off to a great start.

He chuckled and brushed his knuckles over my jaw. “Just say it.”

I stared into his gorgeous face, his attention rapt and loving. Patient as always. I removed his glasses and set them on the opposite pillow so I could kiss him without them being in the way. Kissing was easier than talking.

He cradled the back of my head, holding me close as I savored his tongue and lips. I treasured every moment with Tallus. I could drink from him every day for the rest of my life, and it would never be enough.

I pulled back, knowing I needed to get to the point.

He searched my eyes, his concern growing. “What’s up, big guy? Should I be worried?”

“No. I’ve been thinking about something.”

“Okay. What?” he urged when I didn’t continue.

I brushed my fingers over the spot where I’d sucked a hickey onto him a couple of weeks ago. The mark was long gone, but the request he’d made that day lingered. It ate at me more and more, especially since he’d explained the reason behind the request that night in the hospital.

Tallus wanted me to mark him. Claim him. Own him. He wanted to carry me with him wherever he went, like a brand. But it was a request I couldn’t heed. The mere thought of blemishing his flawless skin unsettled me to my core. For the sake of my sanity, there were lines I couldn’t cross.

“Do you still want my mark on you?” I asked, knowing he did.

His gaze softened. “I know that’s something you can’t do. It’s okay. I’m sorry I pushed you before. I won’t ask again.”

“What if… What if there was an alternative?”

“Meaning?”

“What if…” I couldn’t speak the words, so I dug into my pocket and pulled out my phone. I had the page open, so once I unlocked the device, I turned it to face him.

Tallus was nearsighted, so he didn’t need his glasses to read the screen. When he finished skimming, his lips parted, and he searched my face. “D? Are you…”

“We could ditch the condoms. I could… claim you… intimately. If you want. We don’t have to. It’s a big step, but…”

“I want to. Yes. God, yes.”

“You do?” My cheeks burned.

He chuckled. “Are you kidding?”

“Oh. I… That’s good. I… Me too.”

“Is this what had you tongue-tied?”

“No. Yes. There’s more.”

“More?”

“Something… visual.”

Tallus frowned. “What do you mean?”

Every part of my body was on fire. Why was this so difficult? “Taking you bare is for us. It’s personal. Intimate. A claim no one else will know about or see. You can’t exactly show it off to Memphis like that stupid hickey.”

Tallus smirked. “Maybe not, but I can tell him all about it in disgusting detail until he squirms, which is way more fun. ”

“Or…” I dug inside my jeans pocket again—the other one—and withdrew the small velvet pouch I’d been carrying around for days as I worked up the courage to broach the subject.

I presented the pouch, but the words I’d rehearsed got stuck in my throat.

Tallus raised a querying eyebrow. “Is that a teeny tiny ace of spades? Because if so, it’s not funny.”

“What? No.”

“I’m kidding. What is it?”