Page 95
Story: You Were Never Not Mine
My mind goes to Sinclair as it usually does. I haven’t seen her for two days and my soul feels like it’s slowly slipping out of my body and evaporating into thin air. Fucking dramatic I know, but it’s true. We’ve texted briefly but no plans have beenmade. No demands either because since I had sex with her—earth-shattering, mind-blowing, rock-my-world sex for a solid weekend while we were holed up in my apartment—I’m cautious. I want to see her again. Immediately.
This isn’t like me.
“You’ve been quiet lately, August. And it’s concerning,” Cyrus adds, his voice grave.
I send him a questioning look. “Concerning?”
“You’re never quiet. You’ve always got something to say, and you’ve been quiet since you came back Sunday, which is out of character. You’re worrying me. Is something wrong? Please don’t tell me your father is dying.”
“What the fuck, Cyrus?” Why would he go straight to the most drastic conclusion? “My father is fine. He’s perfectly healthy. My entire family is.”
“Don’t tell me Iris and Brooks are getting divorced.”
“They’re not even married.” I frown. Are they? If they are, they didn’t invite me to the wedding and that’s fucked.
“Then what is it? Are you failing a class? Did you gamble away your trust fund? Have you met a woman and fallen hopelessly in love with her?”
How did he know?
“I think—it might be the last one.”
Cyrus’s jaw drops and he gapes at me for an uncomfortably long time. To the point that I’m glaring at him and about to curse him out but he comes to his senses before I have to. “That’s the last thing I thought you’d say.”
“You really think I’m stupid enough to gamble away my entire trust fund?” I shake my head, disappointed.
“I don’t know! I’d guess you’d do that before you fell in love with someone.”
“It’s not love.” I have no idea what it is, but the thought of her makes my chest ache, which is…odd. Is she avoiding me on purpose? She’s complained about school and I know things get busy this time of the year. We’re already in October and the semester will be over soon. What happens to us when winter break hits? I’ll go to my apartment in the city and spend time with my family during the actual holiday, and what will Sinclair do? Go home to her wretched parents?
Wretched probably isn’t strong enough, but it’s close. They sound awful. There’s a small part of me that wants to avoid them completely but then there’s a bigger, braggart part of me that wants to invite them to the family home for dinner. Just to dazzle them. They don’t give Sinclair enough credit. She’s smart. Beautiful. Classy. They must’ve done something right to raise her so well, but from the way she talks, Sinclair makes them out to be horrid beasts.
I’m in the mood to slay a couple of horrid beasts. It would give me immense pleasure to show them what their daughter could potentially have.
Clearly, I’ve lost my mind.
“Then what is it? Andwhois it?” Cyrus asks, interrupting my thoughts.
“I can’t stop thinking about her.” I hesitate before I admit who. “Sinclair. Fuck, she haunts me.”
“Haunts you? The girl you used to bully in high school? That makes sense. She’s probably put some sort of spell on you to fuck you over for what you did to her in the past.”
I’ve never thought she could possibly do something like that. “Please. That sounds ridiculous.”
“How ridiculous, hmm? She comes into your life out of nowhere and has you completely obsessed. Now you think you’re falling in love with her, and that’s not normal, August. Not for you, at least. I think you’re being tricked.”
“Tricked? Are you saying some little eighteen-year-old girl could make me fall for her like she’s some sort of witch? Please. That’s preposterous.”
“Is it? Has this ever happened to you before?”
“No.”
“Did you fuck her?”
Such a crude way to put what happened between me and Sin. Yes, I love talking about fucking her, but when someone else says it? It sounds…meaningless. And what Sin and I have shared isn’t meaningless. Not even close.
“We had sex, yes.”
“How was it? Must’ve been better than the last one you hooked up with. You couldn’t even remember her name.” Cyrus shakes his head.
This isn’t like me.
“You’ve been quiet lately, August. And it’s concerning,” Cyrus adds, his voice grave.
I send him a questioning look. “Concerning?”
“You’re never quiet. You’ve always got something to say, and you’ve been quiet since you came back Sunday, which is out of character. You’re worrying me. Is something wrong? Please don’t tell me your father is dying.”
“What the fuck, Cyrus?” Why would he go straight to the most drastic conclusion? “My father is fine. He’s perfectly healthy. My entire family is.”
“Don’t tell me Iris and Brooks are getting divorced.”
“They’re not even married.” I frown. Are they? If they are, they didn’t invite me to the wedding and that’s fucked.
“Then what is it? Are you failing a class? Did you gamble away your trust fund? Have you met a woman and fallen hopelessly in love with her?”
How did he know?
“I think—it might be the last one.”
Cyrus’s jaw drops and he gapes at me for an uncomfortably long time. To the point that I’m glaring at him and about to curse him out but he comes to his senses before I have to. “That’s the last thing I thought you’d say.”
“You really think I’m stupid enough to gamble away my entire trust fund?” I shake my head, disappointed.
“I don’t know! I’d guess you’d do that before you fell in love with someone.”
“It’s not love.” I have no idea what it is, but the thought of her makes my chest ache, which is…odd. Is she avoiding me on purpose? She’s complained about school and I know things get busy this time of the year. We’re already in October and the semester will be over soon. What happens to us when winter break hits? I’ll go to my apartment in the city and spend time with my family during the actual holiday, and what will Sinclair do? Go home to her wretched parents?
Wretched probably isn’t strong enough, but it’s close. They sound awful. There’s a small part of me that wants to avoid them completely but then there’s a bigger, braggart part of me that wants to invite them to the family home for dinner. Just to dazzle them. They don’t give Sinclair enough credit. She’s smart. Beautiful. Classy. They must’ve done something right to raise her so well, but from the way she talks, Sinclair makes them out to be horrid beasts.
I’m in the mood to slay a couple of horrid beasts. It would give me immense pleasure to show them what their daughter could potentially have.
Clearly, I’ve lost my mind.
“Then what is it? Andwhois it?” Cyrus asks, interrupting my thoughts.
“I can’t stop thinking about her.” I hesitate before I admit who. “Sinclair. Fuck, she haunts me.”
“Haunts you? The girl you used to bully in high school? That makes sense. She’s probably put some sort of spell on you to fuck you over for what you did to her in the past.”
I’ve never thought she could possibly do something like that. “Please. That sounds ridiculous.”
“How ridiculous, hmm? She comes into your life out of nowhere and has you completely obsessed. Now you think you’re falling in love with her, and that’s not normal, August. Not for you, at least. I think you’re being tricked.”
“Tricked? Are you saying some little eighteen-year-old girl could make me fall for her like she’s some sort of witch? Please. That’s preposterous.”
“Is it? Has this ever happened to you before?”
“No.”
“Did you fuck her?”
Such a crude way to put what happened between me and Sin. Yes, I love talking about fucking her, but when someone else says it? It sounds…meaningless. And what Sin and I have shared isn’t meaningless. Not even close.
“We had sex, yes.”
“How was it? Must’ve been better than the last one you hooked up with. You couldn’t even remember her name.” Cyrus shakes his head.
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