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I shook my head.
“You look troubled.”
“Nothing. It’s just…”
“Yes?” He lifted one brow expectantly.
I decided to just go for it. Miscommunication was such a dumb way to sour a relationship.
“Us? This?” I gestured between us with my finger. “It scares me.”
“Why does it scare you?” He looked genuinely puzzled.
“Because I’m breaking my rules for you.”
“I’m breaking my heart for you,” he said without missing a beat.
“What?” My mouth went dry, my heart pounding inside my chest. Had I heard him correctly?
He licked his lips, grabbing the back of his head and turning his back on me. “Look, maybe I’m saying this wrong, but trust me, this thing we have going? It’s not easy for me either. I’m playing fucking house with the hottest woman I know when I know I can’t give her everything she deserves. It’s doomed, and it’s fucking killing me, because in another life, in another scenario, we could’ve been really good together.” His throat rolled with a swallow. “We could’ve been the best thing that happened to me.”
“Why?” I tried to keep the desperation from my voice. “Why do you think you can’t give me what I need?”
“Because I don’t know how to love,” he answered simply. “And because the only example of love I’ve ever witnessed was toxic as hell and made me swear away from it.”
I wasn’t a girl who cried about boys. Never. Even when I found out Tucker had left me with a day-old baby, I’d shrugged it off and kept my head high. So it was curious that now I felt like crying.
Still, I nodded calmly, twisting in place and raising my hair. “Mind helping me with my zipper?”
His fingertips glided down my back as he helped me out of my dress. The shoulder straps fell to my waist, and I shimmied out of it. I wasn’t wearing a bra, but instead of cupping my breasts from behind, Rhy kissed my temple, his hands roaming over my stomach.
“I meant what I told Gravity.”
“You mean my vibrator is a fancy microphone?” I asked playfully. It was such an artful save. When she found it, I thought I was going to choke.
“Well, yes. That too,” he chuckled into my skin, making my whole body feel soft and warm and safe. “But also that you’re my favorite woman in the whole world, and I hope when we part ways, you’ll remember that.”
When we part ways.
“Mm-hmm.” I knew that if I spoke now, I’d cry.
He trailed kisses from my neck down to my shoulder. Then he turned me around, falling to his knees and grabbing the elastic of my undies from each side of my waist. He slid them down slowly, pausing when he saw the tiny C-section scar we’d talked about the other day. He pressed his mouth to it. Breathed it in. I shuddered, cupping his head and closing my eyes.
“You’re perfect.” He kissed it again. “One day, I’m going to see you with your new husband, sit across from you at a tablein some event Row invites both of us to, and loathe my entire existence.”
Now it was my turn to slide down to my knees. I grabbed his face and kissed him, tasting my tears in that kiss, the saltiness of broken promises that were never made and the bitter disappointment of who we were. Two people who could never let go of the past. Who could never build a better future for themselves.
This time, the sex wasn’t feral and wild. It felt a lot like making love, with Rhy laying me down on the carpet and kissing me as he entered me missionary-style, my legs wrapped around his narrow waist, fingers toying with his now-short hair. We maintained eye contact, communicating an entire silent conversation. I rocked onto his cock, kissing him softly, so softly, as he hit the most sensitive spot in my body over and over, bringing me to a quiet, shuddering orgasm. Then he came inside me, staying inside for a while, bracing himself on his arms.
Finally, Rhyland blinked at me as if he’d just woken up in a completely new place.
“Friends?” He offered me his pinkie between us.
God, it was the worst lie we’d ever told each other. It really felt like we were spiraling into something dark and messy. I wanted more, and I knew if I couldn’t have it, I’d implode.
I mustered a smile and curled his pinkie in mine. “Friends.”
RHYLAND