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“You don’t need to be. I have everything under control.” He fisted shaking hands, stuffing them into his pockets to hide from Somin’s eagle eyes.

“Maybe you should call her.”

“I told you I’m not calling my mother.”

“Not her,” Somin said. “Gu Miyoung.”

Just the sound of her name made Jihoon’s heart ache.

“Why would you tell me to do that? You never really trusted her.”

“She keeps secrets. If she knows who hurt you—”

“I told you she wasn’t there when it happened. She found us after.” Jihoon hated lying to Somin, but it was better this way. Safer to keep her in the dark.

Somin shook her head, her eyes conflicted. “That’s not the point. I just think it would be better if you got some kind of closure. You’re so sad all the time, Jihoon-ah. I don’t like it.”

“I’m not sad. I’m just busy.” He brushed off her statement.

“Don’t let your pride get in the way this time.”

“This time?” Jihoon scowled, pretending to read his screen but not absorbing any of the words.

“You think that if you admit you miss people, that means you’re weak,” Somin said. “But maybe it will help you let go.”

“I don’t need your amateur therapy,” Jihoon said, clicking arandom answer on the practice quiz and swearing when it came up wrong.

“I just care about you, Jihoon,” Somin said.

That was the problem. Jihoon didn’t want anyone to care about him. It only hurt more when they left.

38

THE HOSPITAL WASa tall gray building with a large driveway leading to the glass entrance. The signs had been changed to wish everyone a happy Lunar New Year. With it would come the end of January and the beginning of winter break. And the one-month anniversary of Miyoung tearing his life apart and leaving him.

“Jihoon-ah, how did you do during finals?” Nurse Jang asked as he approached the seventh-floor nurses' station.

“Third place in the class.”

“Your halmeoni would be proud.”

Jihoon smiled, a weak impersonation of his old dimple-deep grins.

“Make sure you go home tonight,” Nurse Jang said. “Your halmeoni would not approve of you sleeping over.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

The telltale beat of monitors welcomed him as he entered his halmeoni’s room. The second bed sat empty today, but it would be filled again soon enough. They couldn’t afford a private room, but usually the other occupants never stayed that long. Though Jihoon frowned as he remembered the harabeoji who’d last occupied the other bed had seemed fairly ill.

“I’m here, Halmeoni.” Jihoon lowered the humidifier. He tookout a stick of lip balm and lifted her oxygen mask to apply it. “If you don’t use this, your lips will get too dry. You hate your skin getting cracked.”

He pulled out a sheet of paper from his bag. “I got third rank during the end-of-the-year exams, Halmeoni. You’d never believe it if you didn’t see it for yourself.”

He spoke with a shred of hope, like this was enough to make her open her eyes for the first time in a month.

She lay still and quiet.

“I know, you’re asking why not first,” Jihoon said conversationally. “I might be more motivated if you were there to nag me.” Still nothing and he let out a dejected sigh.