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Charlie glances over, then quickly away. “You need to shut that shit down.Now. It can’t happen, and you know it.”
16
JACKSON
New York is fuckingcold and miserable. I’ve never liked it here.
I pull down my baseball cap to conceal my face and gaze at Aurora through her bedroom window. If anyone notices me, I’m bound to be arrested for being a creepy stalker.
She’s cozy in bed reading, a cute smile on her face, adorable and peaceful, and I’m about to blow it all to hell.
Seeing her has me fucked up, questioning if pursuing her is the right thing.
All the controlling shit I did to keep her—buying the house in Santa Monica, canceling her gigs, pissing off Emily—only hurt her.
And I’d do it again.
I’d spend every dime I had on her. She doesn’t need to work, and she doesn’t need to be around that vile influence. The only thing I did right was hire Ricky, and I regret it simply because I’m jealous.
This is who I am. It’s inside me; it won’t disappear when I walk through that apartment door.
Paralyzed with uncertainty, I stare at the daylight to my darkness, a thousand thoughts racing through my mind. My endgame is her, and I’ll do whatever it takes. If that makes me selfish, so be it, but Ionlywant Aurora.
And maybe Ethan.
For most of my life, I didn’t think I was capable of love, but I undoubtedly love her and the baby.
Still, I’m toxic. Even sober, there’s Kyle. He’s a danger, but I can’t walk away. It’s too late.
When my mother died, I was old enough to understand Kyle’s cruelty but too young to save her. They never married, but he used his position of authority to trap her. He’d threaten to take full custody of me if she ever left—or worse, kill us both.
She tried to protect me to the best of her ability. She put herself in front of me or pushed his buttons to redirect his focus.
Nothing compares to the helplessness of watching my mother get beaten—not even my own abuse. Alone with Kyle or his sick fucking friends, I learned to disassociate, but with her, I never could.
Around twelve, something within me snapped. All that fear and powerlessness turned to rage, and I refused to cower like the little bitch he thought I was.
I couldn’t physically defeat him, but it didn’t prevent me from trying.
When physical force failed, I made his life hell. I became his worst nightmare.
I rebelled at every prestigious private school he sent me to, engaging in drugs and violence. He received nonstop calls, and I received repeated suspensions and expulsions. I vandalized property and committed other crimes, getting arrested and making him the laughingstock of the police force. I stole his alcohol and pills, depleted his stash, got wasted. Eventually, addiction became my escape.
By fourteen, I needed to be locked in some facility, but my actions kept Kyle’s attention on me and my mother relatively safe.
Everything changed one brutal night, when Kyle thought he’d teach me a lesson by sending me to jail, but it backfired. I showed up to juvie with cracked ribs, a split lip, a broken nose, and a gash in my brow, courtesy of my father, and people started asking questions.
A social worker was called to complete an assessment, and, feeling safe, I talked. Whatever transpired after scared Kyle enough to send me to boarding school in Canada.
Far away from my mother.
She ended her life during my first semester, before I could get back to her. Whether it was truly intentional doesn’t matter. I’ll never forgive myself. If I had kept my mouth shut, she might still be alive. I left her helpless against a monster, and I won’t do that a second time.
I stand at Aurora’s door, awash in déjà vu and Kyle’s taunting words.
“I’ll take her away, and you’ll never see her again.”
“I’ll bury her. Is that what you want?”