Page 17

I’m in a dark place, and she doesn’t deserve to deal with my addiction on top of everything else. I won’t do that to her again.
After days of nonstop vomiting, severe headaches, and nightmares, life feels unbearable. If I don’t reach out for help, I might succumb, and then I’ll have no chance of recovery.
Despite our confrontation, my gut tells me Ethan is the person to call, and I won’t lie: I wish he were here. He’d set me straight, or at least put me out of my misery.
He picks up on the first ring. “Give me a minute.” A rustling of clothes, and then his gruff rumble softens to that gentle tone all men use with their girlfriends. “I’ll be right back.”
They’re together. My stomach knots, and tears sting my eyes.
“Is everything okay?”Aurora.
Her sweet voice steals my breath, and knowing it’s not directed at me is a dagger plunged into my heart.
“I’ll take care of it. Sleep, love. You have an early morning.”
Love? Really? Just fucking kill me now. I suppress a sob and ask, “Can I talk to her?”
His response is quiet but firm. “No.” Two doors shut before he speaks again. “Where are you?”
I don’t answer. My mind is focused on one thing. “You’re in New York.”
If he’s with Aurora, he left the team, and that’s alarming.
“Yes, and it’s three a.m.” His rough tone gives nothing away. He could be jet-lagged, pissed, or his crotchety self.
“Is she alright?”
“No, she’s exhausted and devastated.”
What did I expect? Sunshine and rainbows? No, but I’d prefer anger over pain. Still, I can’t believe he would leave the team unless…
“Is the baby okay?”
With one hundred percent certainty, I’d jump out the window if my fuck-up harmed her pregnancy.
“As far as we know.” There’s a brief pause. “Where are you, Jax?”
“Home.” Humbling myself—which isn’t much—I spell it out. “I need help. I was hoping you—” My voice breaks, and I swallow to wet my dry throat. “Can you send the trainer or doctor? They only listen to you.”
“Detox, or for some STD?”
“Fuck off. I should have known calling you was a mistake.” I’m tempted to hang up, but I have no one left.
“I’m asking as your coach. You think I enjoy being put in this position? Where I have to choose between my captain and…”
He trails off, giving me a glimmer of hope, since he can’t clearly define their relationship.
“… the woman I want to be with? You think I enjoy watching you break her and destroy what little trust she had ineitherof us? You’ve ruined everything. Grow up and answer the question so I know what I’m dealing with.”
“I. Didn’t. Fuck. Anyone.” Even though the words are uttered through clenched teeth, it’s hard to embody outrage when your heart is shattered and your body is weak.
“So, detox? Withdrawals?”
“Yes, fucking awful. I couldn’t drag myself out of bed if I wanted to. And believe me, I want to.”
“You need to go to rehab.”
People assume rehab is some quick fix. You go, they wave a magic wand, and poof! Addiction disappears. I went. I was agitated and paranoid at being locked up, and when I returned to the real world, my problems had multiplied.