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"Did he...?" James's voice hardened.

"No! God, no. Con would never." I was quick to defend him, even now. "It was consensual. At least, I think it was. I don't remember anything, but I know Con. He wouldn't take advantage."

James relaxed slightly. "Okay. So you had sex, and then what? You decided to drive four hours and show up at my door instead of talking to him?"

Put like that, it sounded ridiculous. Childish, even. But the fear that had gripped me that morning hadn't been rational.

"I don't know what happened," I admitted, my voice small. "I just woke up, and suddenly I couldn't breathe. It was like... like everything was closing in on me. Like I was trapped. And all I could think was that I needed to get out, get away."

James was quiet for a moment, processing. "From Con?"

"From... everything. The situation. The feelings. The fact that I'd let someone get that close again." I swallowed hard. "The fact that I broke my sobriety for him."

"Did he ask you to take the pill?"

"No. He didn't even know until after I'd done it."

"So that's on you, not him."

I glared at him. "Whose side are you on?"

"Yours, always. But that doesn't mean I won't call you on your bullshit." James's voice was firm but kind. "You're running, Geri. Same as you always do when things get real."

"I'm not?—"

"You are. The minute someone gets too close, you bolt."

His words hit me like a physical blow. I wanted to argue, to defend myself, but the truth of it was undeniable. I had kept Alex at arm's length, making sure our relationship stayed firmly in the "casual" category. And now Con...

"He loves you, you know," James said quietly.

I closed my eyes, pain lancing through me. "Don't."

"It's true. He told me, in one of his many texts. Said he was in love with you and didn't understand what had happened."

"Stop."

"He said he'd drive down here himself if I didn't let him know you were safe."

"James, please." My voice cracked.

"Why are you so afraid of being loved, Geri?"

The question hung in the air between us, heavy and unavoidable. I had no answer—at least, not one I was ready to face.

My phone buzzed again. This time, I looked. It was a simple text, just three words:

I miss you.

Something inside me broke. The tears I'd been holding back all day spilled over, hot and relentless. James put his arm around me, pulling me against his side as I sobbed.

"I don't deserve him," I managed between gasps. "I'm a mess, James. A complete fucking disaster. I can't even stay sober for one night out. I can't even wake up next to someone without having a panic attack. What kind of relationship is that?"

"A human one," James said simply. "We're all messes, Geri. Every single one of us. The trick is finding someone who's willing to help you clean up yours while you help them with theirs."

I shook my head, unconvinced. "You don't understand. There are things about me, things in my past..."

"That Con doesn't know about?"