Page 40

Story: To Her

He smiled. "I hope so, 'cause I really like her."

The vulnerability in his voice caught me off-guard. Nick, who always seemed so confident and carefree, was worried about Louise's feelings for him. It made me wonder if everyone, no matter how put-together they seemed, had these same insecurities lurking beneath the surface.

"She talks about you all the time," I assured him. "It's actually kind of annoying."

That made him laugh, and the tension eased. We watched Louise and Jenny for a while, both lost in our own thoughts.

"Can I ask you something?" Nick said finally, his voice serious again.

"Sure," I replied, though I had a feeling I wasn't going to like whatever was coming.

"What are you so afraid of?"

The question hit me like a physical blow. What was I afraid of? Everything. Trusting someone. Being vulnerable. Getting hurt again. Losing control. The list was endless.

"I'm not afraid," I lied, not meeting his eyes.

"Bullshit," Nick said, but his tone was gentle. "You've got two great guys interested in you, and you're running from both of them. There's gotta be a reason."

I took a long drink, buying myself time. "It's complicated."

"It always is," he agreed. "But sometimes, the things we're most afraid of are the things we need the most."

I didn't have a response to that. Nick, apparently satisfied that he'd given me something to think about, changed the subject to safer territory—the band, the quality of the beer, plans for tomorrow's skiing.

But his words lingered in my mind, an uncomfortable truth I wasn't ready to face. What was I so afraid of? And was I letting that fear keep me from something—or someone—that could actually make me happy?

Louise and Jenny returned to the table, breathless and laughing, breaking into my thoughts.

"You two look serious," Louise commented, sliding back into her seat beside Nick. "What are we talking about?"

"Nothing important," I said quickly, forcing a smile. "Just catching up."

Louise looked sceptical but didn't push it. "Well, come dance with us next time. The band is actually pretty good."

"Maybe after another drink," I promised, though I had no intention of dancing. My body was too tired, and my mind was too full.

The conversation shifted to lighter topics, and I let myself be carried along with it, laughing at Jenny's stories about her latest dating disasters. But underneath it all, Nick's question echoed in my mind: What are you so afraid of?

As the night wore on, I found myself checking my phone more frequently. No messages from Con, which was unusual. He usually texted when he got back to places, just to let me know he'd made it safely. I told myself I wasn't worried, that the bus ride was routine and he was probably just busy with his shift, but a small knot of anxiety formed in my stomach.

"Expecting a call?" Louise asked, catching me glancing at my phone for the third time in as many minutes.

"No," I said, putting it away. "Just checking the time."

She gave me a knowing look but didn't comment further.

By the time we left the pub, it was past midnight, and I was dead on my feet. The walk back to the resort was short but felt like miles in my exhausted state. The others were still energetic, talking and laughing, but I trailed slightly behind, lost in my own thoughts.

Back in our cramped room, I claimed the shower first, needing a moment of solitude. Under the hot spray, I let my guard down, let the emotions I'd been holding at bay wash over me. Confusion about Con, ambivalence about Alex, lingering hurt over Matt, and beneath it all, a deep-seated fear that Nick had somehow managed to identify in just one conversation.

What was I so afraid of?

The answer came to me unbidden, rising from the depths of my mind where I kept all the things I didn't want to thinkabout: I was afraid of being Oleander again. Afraid of being that broken, vulnerable girl who had trusted and been betrayed, who had loved and been hurt, who had opened herself up only to be shattered.

Geri was strong. Geri was independent. Geri didn't need anyone.

But Oleander... Oleander had needed someone, and look where that had gotten her.