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I not only post behind-the-scenes cooking shenanigans, but also share little tidbits about my personal life, my dreams, and my fears. Sometimes, I even go live while packing orders.

When I receive some of the messages saying how they relate to me, look forward to my lives, or how much they love watching me, it fills me with pride and incredible joy. Reminds me that I’m not alone in my struggles.

Quitting my corporate job was the best decision I ever made.

It was dragging me down rather than lifting me up. If I had forced myself to continue, it wouldn’t have been long before I became a depressed cynic.

I’m much freer, calmer, and more motivated than ever.

There’s a lightheartedness in my bones, a skip in my steps that wasn’t there before.

I guess it comes with doing what you love and being fortunate enough to make a living off of it. Not a lot of people can say the same in the world.

After scrolling through my phone for a few minutes, I decide to call it a night and put it on sleep mode on the nightstand. Rolling my suitcase to a corner in the little walk-in closet, I skip to the bathroom, do my nightly routine, and slide underneath the covers on the bed.

Dousing the room in semi-darkness by switching off the lights, I lay my head down on the pillow and gaze up at the ceiling. I seem to have picked up a nightly ritual, which is seeing Julian’s face as soon as I close my eyes.

He hasn’t stopped taking a place inside my head. He’s constantly lurking in the background, waiting to pounce to the forefront, demanding that I regret letting him walk out of my life.

I mean, what other choice did I have? I couldn’t out my best friend’s secret. She isn’t one to ask for such favors, which is why I know it was important to her.

Even if somehow, I had confessed the truth, I’m not searching for a relationship either.

Julian was.

So why, oh why, did destiny have to be so cruel? Why did I have undeniable chemistry with him? Even the back and forth between us was so playful and flirtatious despite my efforts for it to be the opposite.

Somebody, please kick him out of my memories.

It’s absolute torture.

On my way home, I had texted Tina to let her know everything went according to the plan. The very next day, she had called to confirm that whatever I did indeed worked. Julian didn’t want to go on another date, saying we desired different things for our future.

For some strange reason, his rejection stung as soon as I heard about it. It pierced straight through my heart, even though it wasn’t personal. I was pretending to be Tina, purposely being rude.

Or am I just lying to myself?

Because while I accomplished the mission I went there for, failure is all I taste.

Failure to forget about him.

His smirking eyes.

Our kiss.

It was the shortest yet single best kiss of my life. I felt it to the very tips of my bones. His roughly whispered expletive,fuck this,right before he slammed me against the wall and locked our lips.

Goosebumps dance on my skin.

My clit pulsing.

How far would he have gone if we hadn’t stopped? If I had yanked him back toward me? Begged him to kiss me a second longer?

Disaster.

Because my cover would’ve been blown. Our attraction would’ve sizzled to dust. Nothing good could’ve come out of telling him the truth.

Nobody wants to date a liar.