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“Except for you, no one else, though. Now, there’s something I can do to help people, and I can’t help feeling like that’s where I’m supposed to be right now.”

“You’re supposed to be here with me.”

“I know. And I will always be with you, no matter what. This war will end. They always do. And I’ll be safer than JD, Jacob, and my brothers. I just need to do this, sweetheart. I need to dosomethingwith my life.”

“We’re not enough?”

She pulled Deb back to look into her eyes.

“You are more than enough for me. You are the only thing that has ever made sense to me in my entire life. And I want to die old and gray in your arms one day, but I can’t help feeling like I’m supposed to do something else with my life, too. I’ve thought about it for months. Really, since JD left and since Jacob lost his own brother before that. I don’t want to leave you. It’s not about that. It’s about something I think I have to do for myself.”

“How am I supposed to be without you?”

“You’re going to be fine. I’ll ask my sisters-in-law to check in on you from time to time. And you have Paul and the farm to keep you busy. I’ll be back before you know it.”

“That’s what JD said, and he’s been gone for more than a year already.”

“Will you marry me again? Before I go? We can sneak into the church in the middle of the night with no one around. Paul would probably just fall asleep in a pew or something.” She ran her hand along Deb’s cheek. “We can say some vowsin God’s house and make it as legal as we can. I’ll promise to love you for all my lives, and you’ll do the same.”

“All your lives? You don’t believe in the stuff Willie Mae’s been preaching that got her kicked out of the congregation, do you?”

Harriet kissed Deb’s forehead and replied, “All I know is that the love I feel for you, it’s not meant to only last as long as we live. It’s the kind of love they talk about a long time later: two people, meant to be before they were even born and long after they both pass. It’s the kind of love where we find each other over and over again, because that’s the only way I can see it. One day, when we both leave our bodies and our souls go to heaven, I have to know that I can find you there. I have to know that we get forever together. I don’t know if that means that we’re reborn here on earth, or if we get an eternity in heaven, but I do know that I will find you wherever we are because that’s the only way I can keep on breathing right now.” Harriet sniffled and let a few tears fall. “One lifetime with you is not enough, sweetheart. I need all of them.”

“Then, don’t go,” Deb pled as fresh tears rolled down her cheeks.

“Will you marry me again? Make vows this time?”

“You better get me a ring this time, then,” Deb returned.

Harriet knew that didn’t mean that Deb was fine with her leaving, but Deb knew her better than she knew herself. She knew that Harriet wouldn’t leave her for anything less than this and that she hadn’t wanted to leave at all. Harriet still couldn’t believe she’d brought it up again, but she knew she had to.

“I got you a ring when we were fifteen years old.”

“You did not,” Deb replied and leaned into the touch of Harriet’s hand on her skin.

“Wait right here.”

Harriet moved to the drawer in her bedside table. She pulled it open, and inside the Bible within it, she found the thin, silver band.

“I made it from metal I found myself. No one saw me melting it down and using the mold we had back at the farm.It’s not worth anything, and I wanted to give it to you, but by then, your parents were already talking about the boys they might want to marry you off to, and I was worried they’d wonder why you had a ring.” She walked back over to Deb. “When we got married that night by the river, I had this still, but I didn’t give it to you for the same reason.” She held the ring out between them. “My heart has always and will always be yours. Maybe while JD is gone, you can wear this one. If anyone asks, tell ‘em you wanted to keep your real ring safe until JD gets back, so you put on a cheaper one that’s worth nothing instead.”

“Worthnothing? Harriet Louise Topper, this ring is worth more than the biggest diamond in the world,” Deb told her and removed her wedding ring from John David. “Put it on me, and we can go to the church tonight after we get Paul to sleep. He’ll be fine here for a few minutes. And it won’t take long because after we promise ourselves to each other, I want to come home and make love in our bed.”

“What will you do when JD gets home and sees you wearing my ring?”

Deb pressed her lips to Harriet’s and said, “I’ll tell him that I’m wearing my wedding ring, and he better be all right with that.”

Harriet held up Deb’s hand and slid the ring onto her finger.

“Tonight, I’ll say my vows, but I want you to wear this right now. I’ve waited far too long to give it to you.”

“Will you lie down and hold me?” Deb asked then.

Harriet moved to the bed and pulled off her dressing gown. She watched as Deb did the same, and they both got onto the bed. Harriet held out her arm for Deb to slide into her body, and they lay there. Deb sobbed against her chest. Harriet spoke soft words to her, telling her that everything would be all right. She got this image in her mind that she couldn’t explain. It was of the two of them in some city, not here and nowhere either of them had ever been. They weren’t wearing their normal clothes, either. They were both dressedup in dresses with ruffles all around, walking down a busy, crowded street, holding umbrellas over their heads to protect them from the sun, she imagined. They were laughing, too. Maybe she’d been right, after all. Maybe they’d always loved each other and always would.

CHAPTER 17

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