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“She asked him if he’d agree to IVF.” Tee folds one of my sweaters. “Honestly, Zee, the one perk is literally that he’s fuckable and you don’t want to fuck him.”
“I don’t know him!”
“You didn’t know that guy fromRussuthree weeks ago.”
“I didn’t have sex with him either. We went for a Reuben,” I admit sheepishly.
“You told me you screwed him. Three orgasms, you said.”
“That wasn’t a lie.” I wiggle my hand at her. “You know I did a better job than he would have.”
“She has a point. They’re so drunk, they make two-pump chumps look like they have stamina when they get out of a club.”
“How would you know, Parker?” Tee derides. “You haven’t been to a club in decades.”
“I haven’t been an adult for decades!”
“The last time you went to a club was when you werein utero.”
Parker mutters, “Screw you.”
“Screw you back!” Tee pouts. “I’m going to come and move in with you. It’ll stop me from being lonely.”
“When I’m in Jersey, I live with Rachel and her motley crew. It’s already a full house.”
“I’m little. I’ll fit into a shoebox.”
“If only that were true.” Parker’s smirk slowly fades. “You’re going to have to find another roommate, aren’t you?”
“Yeah.” Tee rubs her hand over her forehead. “No ‘glass half full’ optimism takes away how much that blows.”
“Why don’t you go with Zee? It’s not like your music career is thriving.”
“That was mean, Parker!”
“Mean but true,” she counters unapologetically. “She’s cutting herself up about losing you when the simple answer is to go with you. She loves Canada. If I hear her tell me about how Timmies is better over the border one more time or how Walmart isn’t for insane people up there, I’m going to scream. As far as I can tell, the winters are the only thing she hates.”
Tee points a finger at her. “You need to get laid. You’re crabby.”
She sniffs. “Sweet Lips had to go home. I wanted to stick around to help Rachel with the transition of Zee moving away. I miss him.”
“It’s always about sex with you, Tee,” I complain. “Sex doesn’t heal all the world’s ailments.”
“If Mother Earth got it on more, I’m sure that global warming would be a thing of the past. It’s the friction between her thighs. Nothing more.”
Pausing in her work—ordering Rachel’s groceries for the week—Parker snickers. “When’s Colt coming?”
Tee elbows me in the side. “In an hour. It’s their wedding night tomorrow.”
“Oooooo-oooooh,” Parker teases. “If there’s a wedding party then I expect to be invited over Zoom!”
My cheeks turn pink. “You two are horrible.”
Tee cackles. “You love us.”
“I shouldn’t, but I do.” If I sound grumpy, so be it.
Tee tugs on my arm and links ours together. “At least there’s one perk to Parker’s weird lifestyle choices?—”