Page 21 of The Start of Something Wonderful

He looks at me blankly. He must only be in his twenties, so I guess this concept is about as alien to him as Snapchat is to me.

I glance at the clock. ‘Sorry, I don’t mean to be rude, but I’ve got to be at my next job in lessthan an hour, and I haven’t started the vacuuming yet.’

‘Sure thing. You know, we should …’

‘Sorry?’ I bellow over the roar of the hoover.

He shakes his head and mouths ‘goodbye’.

* * *

I pedal through the damp, chill, early morning air, chanting, ‘Aleksandr Ignatyevich Vershinin, Aleksey Petrovich Fed… Fedotik.’ Gaah! Why is no one in Russia called Bob Jones or Jim Smith?I glance at my watch: 7.15. ‘Aleksandr Ignat… Ignatyevich Vershinin, Aleksey Petrovich Fedotik …’

My other job is at The Red Dragon, which is very handy, as we rehearse here. The only way I can afford to do the play is by taking on another early morning cleaning job. End of.

Using all the female charm I could muster, I persuaded the landlord that good beer and Sky TV alone were not enoughto lure the clientele. What the place needed was a woman’s touch: a splash of bleach here and a squirt of air freshener there. (That was the polite, edited version.)

Anyway, it worked. So from 7.30 a.m. I’m Mrs Overall, picking chewing gum off bar stools and replenishing paper towels. Then, fast-forward three hours, and I’m Olga Prozorova, schoolteacher and eldest sister to Masha and Irina,dreaming of marriage and Moscow.

There’s even a shower I can use. The pipes gurgle and rattle a bit when I turn it on, and it splutters and drips freezing cold water, but at least I don’t arrive at rehearsal smelling like a compost heap.

By the end of the week, I’m sleepwalking my routine:

0430: Alarm goes off. Hit snooze button.

0435: Alarm goes off. Roll out of bed.

0445:Down a bowl of Special K.

0450: Grab bike and pedal like the clappers.

0515: Arrive at office. Clean.

0700: Leave office for pub. Clean.

0845: Shower, change, stop at Norma’s Diner for tea and runny egg on toast.

1000–1800: Rehearse.

1830: Home, dinner, learn lines, and go over what we did today.

2200: Bed, in order to be up at 0430 to repeat all of the above.

In between times, I am also sending out mail-shots to agents and casting directors:

Please cover my performance as Olga in ‘Three Sisters’ at The Red Dragon Pub Theatre, Lady Jane Walk, Richmond. 17th December – 31st January at 7.30.

Even if only four or five turn up it will be worth it – won’t it?

* * *

TONIGHT AT 7.30

THREE SISTERS

BY

ANTON CHEKHOV