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That almost knocks me back, but I suck it up and say, “I’ve spent a lot of energy trying not to think about Candy. This is not a good time to bring her up.”

I take a couple of steps toward Michael.

?

??What do you say? The two of us for the sword, Alice, and my friends.”

“Done,” says Michael. “But my troops won’t be leaving. You’re a well-known trickster and I won’t have it. This is a fight to the death between the two of us. No hoaxes or illusions. And no technicalities. If I think you’re cheating, all of your friends die.”

“Cool. Let me just say a couple of good-byes in case I break a nail.”

Alice says, “Please don’t do this. Let’s fight them together.”

“As long as I have Death’s knife, Mr. Universe isn’t hurting anyone.”

I squeeze her hand and go to Samael.

“Sorry to drag you into this.”

“Don’t apologize. This is more fun than I’ve had in a long time.”

“Just tell me one thing. If I fuck this up, can you get the amber knife and kill these pricks?”

“With great pleasure.”

I shake his hand and go to Alice.

“You brought up a lot of old feelings in me.”

“You did that to me, too.”

“Heaven with you is very tempting.”

“But L.A. with Candy is more,” she says.

“Yeah.”

“But you can’t go back.”

“If I stayed here, she’s all I’d think about. I’d be useless to you and everyone else. That’s not Heaven for anyone.”

“You choose now to stop being an asshole? You have terrible timing.”

“Whatever happens with these guys, it was worth it to see you again. I hope you know that.”

“I do.”

I kiss her on the cheek and get up wondering if I’m the dumbest guy to ever reach the pearly gates. But when I close my eyes, it’s Candy’s face I see.

“I’m sorry I let you down,” I whisper. “I told you I’d never leave you alone or go back to Hell without you and I blew it. Whatever you’re doing, I hope you’re happy and keeping Kasabian in line. I’d come back to you if I could, but I can’t and that’s okay. I’m not pushing your memory away again. If you’re the last thing I see before I go to Tartarus or whatever happens to the dead up here, I’ll go out happy thinking about you playing your guitar worse than anybody in California. It was fun being monsters together. I just wish it could have lasted longer.”

Michael says, “As I drove the serpent from Eden, so shall I kill you today, Abomination.”

I rub my hands on my coat to make sure they’re dry.

“Was that you with Adam and Eve? That was a dick move shoving a couple of naked morons into the wilderness. I bet you come to Earth just to trip blind people.”

He manifests his Gladius. I take out the amber knife.