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I don't know how long we sat there. but I think I passed out and woke before Sarah got me to Zet up and lie on my bed. Then she sat beside me and held my hand.

"We've got to go get Mrs. Bernard,'" she said. "You can't let him get away with this."

"No." I cried, terrified. "How am I going to explain going out the window and going off with him?"

"You thought you were just going for a walk," she said. "But it was still against the rules."

"Against the rules? Summer, you were just raped. Don't you think that's more important than some stupid dorm rule?"

My mind was so jumbled. I couldn't think; I couldn't think! "Why did I go? Why did I go with him?"

"Not to be raped. I'm sure," she said. "I can't believe he did this. He seemed so nice. He's so good looking and talented. Why does he have to rape anyone?" she asked rhetorically, but the question hung in the air like an accusation. I could see how it might unfold, how what I was saying might be disbelieved. "The way some of those girls ogle him, he would just have to look at them to get them to go to the back of his van," she continued.

"Well. I'm not one of them," I said, my anger giving me some strength.

"I know that," she said. "It just doesn't make any sense." She shook her head. "I guess he's just crazy," she concluded.

She stood up and headed toward the door. "I'll call Mrs. Bernard.'"

"My parents will be so upset," I said. "I'm afraid of what it will do to my mother. You

know she's handicapped."

She paused, her hand on the door knob. "Well, what do you want to do?"

"I don't know." I shook my head so hard that I felt a pain shoot through my neck. "I don't know what to do."

"Did he use protection?" she asked.

"What? Protection?'"

"Yes. I'm sure you know what I mean? Did he do it in you?"

"Yes," I said, actually first realizing the implications.

"You've got to worry about that. How long since your last period?"

"How long?" I put my hands over my temples. I still couldn't think straight, couldn't remember. "Um, about a week or so. I think."

"Or so gets me nervous," Sarah said. She took a deep breath. "All right. Let's be logical about this. Suppose you don't tell and you get pregnant. Then what? You say, oh, by the way a few weeks ago. Duncan Fields raped me?"

I looked at her and the dam of tears broke again. I sobbed so hard, my ribs ached. She tried to calm me down, but I all I did was get very nauseous and had to run to the bathroom to vomit in the toilet. Afterward, I was so exhausted. I could barely get to my feet.

"Too soon for morning sickness," Sarah said attempting to make some sort of joke.

"What would you do now?" I asked her.

"Sneak down the hallway to his room and put a pillow over his head and then sit on the pillow," she replied.

I smiled at the utter impossibility, and she hugged me again.

"I guess you don't have much of a choice," she added, sitting back on the bathroom floor with me. "If you keep it to yourself now, you'll never get anyone to believe you later."

I nodded.

"C'mon," she said standing and holding out her hand. "I'll go with you."

I took her hand and stood and then the two of us went out of our room and down the hall to Mrs. Bernard's quarters, Sarah knocked for me. She had to knock again, a little louder. Finally. Mrs. Bernard came to the door and looked out at us. Her face looked more wrinkled and creased than usual. She was struggling to focus and get awake,