Page 81
“No.”
He had moved to pull her in his arms, but she wriggled free and took a step back.
“It is more than just the story,” she insisted, seeing how hurt he was by her rejection but powering through because this needed to be said. “It is everything about tonight, from the moment I walked into the dining room. The way you spoke—the way you spoke aboutus—that wasn’t you, Benedict. And it certainly wasn’t us or our marriage. It was just so fake.”
“Of course it was…” He looked at her as if he did not understand what she was saying. As if she was the crazy one! “Is that not the point, Selina? I told you already that we were going to have to pretend for another night or two. And you agreed, I will remind you.”
“Tomorrow night,” she agreed. “When our friends and family are here. That is what you promised. But in front of Edmund? There was no need for us to be anything other than what we are.”
“It was for Edmund’s sake.” Benedict went to her again, this time taking her hands. “You must remember that the last time he saw the two of us, he was the one set to marry you. And no doubt he has spent the last two months imagining a marriage torn from the pages of a nightmare.”
“And so what if he has?”
“The truth is that I do not trust him. Oh, I do not think that he will intentionally say or do anything to undermine us, but tomorrow night, if he is not one hundred percent convinced that we are happy about what happened, he might accidentally let something slip. He is already not happy with the lie I have asked him to tell for us?—”
“Foryou,” she cut him off. “You are the one who wants him to lie. I do not think it necessary.”
“It is,” he said sharply. “You might wish otherwise, but that is the way of things. And it is not us who I worry about, but Edmund. His reputation is bad enough without adding a deserter to the mix. A little white lie to cover for him is all I ask. One night, and finally we can put all of this behind us.”
Selina hesitated. Now was the time to ask the question. To finally let him know how she felt and find out if he felt the same way.
Her heart began to race with panic. Worry flooded her. But she took a deep breath and forced herself to meet Benedict’s eyes, to let him see that she was through playing games.
“On that point… there is something I must ask you.”
“And that is?”
“I have wanted to ask for some days now. Truthfully, ever since the Mayfield Ball. I have…” She bit her lip. “I have felt something shift between us since then. And I know that you have too.”
“Selina…” He tried to pull his hands away, but she held on tight.
“I know that when this marriage first began, it was never meant to last. That we had an agreement to end it in… well, less than a month now. Three weeks, by my account. But… but…” She looked at him desperately, hoping that he would pick up on what she was saying.
“But?”
“But lately, I have felt that… that…”
Her body was running so hot that the room seemed to spin around her. The nerves! The panic! Made worse because now that she was speaking, she could see that Benedict was not going to agree with her. Already, before even finishing, she knew the answer.
“That maybe… maybe there is a chance. Maybe we do not have to go through with that agreement. Maybe this marriage does not have to end.”
And it is done. Nowhere near as romantic as I had imagined. Certainly, nowhere near as confident or resounding.
Selina tried to meet Benedict’s eyes—she needed him to see the look in her own. But he pulled his hands free and took a step back, averting his gaze in a manner that had her heart cracking.
“Selina,” He sighed. “I… I understand what you are saying. I do. But you must know, what you are feeling is not what you think. It is not…” He grimaced. “It is not love?—”
“I did not say love,” she said quickly, desperate to redefine her words before it was too late. “I have simply felt that we are not where we were. Once, we hated one another. But now, surely that has changed? I do not hate you, Benedict. And I know you do not hate me.”
“Of course I do not.” He almost sounded insulted by the prospect, and Selina took this as a good sign. “But that is not the point.”
“Then what is the point? This marriage is not perfect. I am not such a fool to think that it is.” She tried to laugh, but it fell flat. “But when we had agreed to end our marriage, it was because the two of us could not stand to be around each other. It was because we knew that to stay together would only bring pain, and that was something best to be avoided. Now, that is not the case. Not even close. Surely, that much you can agree on?”
“Selina…” The look in his eyes was pained and confused, suggesting that he wished to run out of the room before he did or said anything he might regret.
“I am not saying that I am in love with you,” she pressed further, desperate to assuage his fears. “I am not suggesting that you are in love with me. But this marriage—us.We have changed, Benedict. You know that we have. And if there is a chance that it might work, then surely we owe it to ourselves to try? To see if maybe, one day, the two of us might…” She hesitated, her body shaking violently. “That we might fall in love. If such a thing was possible.”
Benedict did not answer right away. Still standing back, he looked away from her as he considered—as he reckoned with her words. Selina’s heart raced as she waited for his answer, and she replayed what she had said over and over again in her mind.
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