Page 44
The kiss sent a pulse through her forehead, and her cheeks flushed bright red, which had her smiling as if she had no control of them. Her heart fluttered, and she cleared her throat awkwardly and looked away.
What on earth was that…
If Benedict had noticed anything, he did not give an indication. He simply strolled across the room and out the door.
“Have a good day,” she called after him, rather awkwardly, her heart still fluttering strangely.
Was that a normal reaction to a friendly kiss? She was not so sure…
She supposed that just spoke to how very strange this little arrangement of theirs was.
Selina turned her head to watch him go, smiling to herself because she could not have been happier about how things were going. Finally, they were treating one another civilly. Most importantly, they were no longer fighting.
Although…
Is it strange that I miss the fighting?
She was not so foolish as to think that it was the fighting that she missed. She did not miss being belittled and shouted at and bullied. She did not miss being made to feel scared and alone in her own house. What she did miss, or what she still thought of, was what the fighting had led to.
Just thinking about it made Selina sweat. Face flushing. Body quivering. She found herself glad that Benedict was not here to see it.
What had happened that morning was indescribable. And if they were going to stay together forever, she would have certainly wished for it to happen again. Seeing as that was not the case, she knew deep down there was no point in wishing for it again.
At the end of the day, what Selina wished for more than anything was a marriage built on love. Lust was all well and good, but it was not permanent, and when it simmered, love was what remained. Or so she had been led to believe.
That, she knew, was not what she and Benedict had.
Yes, they had the passion. Yes, they had the intensity. But love? Romance? They were just friends, and even that needed to be worked on.
She was enjoying it for now, but it would not last. At best, she could hope that they keep it going somehow until their marriage came to an end.
Selina spent the day reading. She did consider going for a short walk across the estate, where she had found a hidden spring a few days ago, but she thought that might be saved for tomorrow, when she was with Benedict. She might even pretend not to know about it, letting him believe that he was showing it to her for the first time.
So, a day indoors, nothing too exciting, because supper was what she was looking forward to the most.
Only because I enjoy his company. It is not as if I am looking forward to spending time with him—and if I am, only as a friend. That is all!
Then why did she make sure to bathe and dress early? Why did she try on three different dresses before deciding on an emerald-green gown with light-green trim which was perhaps a little too fancy for a simple supper, but she knew Benedict would appreciate? And why did she wear her hair up, with a golden tiara to hold it back, matching earrings to triangulate the look, and a new perfume that she had not worn yet but suspected Benedict would like the scent of?
Because he has had a long day and will appreciate the extra effort. What else is a friend if not someone to take the load after a long, hard day?
She arrived at supper early, wanting to be there before Benedict arrived. He was home, she knew, for she had heard him come in hours ago. But he had gone straight to his study, and she had not seen him since.
Likely he was just getting ready and would be down soon…
But soon came and went, and still, there was no sign of Benedict.
Another ten minutes ticked by. And then another five. Selina sat waiting, vacillating between worrying about him and being annoyed at him. Times were that she would have only felt annoyed, and the fact that she dared to worry, as if something might be wrong, told to how far the two had come.
“Harris!” she called to the butler, who was walking back and forth between the kitchen and the dining room.
“Yes, Your Grace?”
“Where is His Grace? Have you seen him?”
“No…” He looked beyond the door. “I have not heard from him all evening. Perhaps he is still working? Lost track of time, I would guess.”
Do not be upset. Do not go up there in a fury. He made a mistake… and as his friend, I should not hold it against him.
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