Page 23

‘It’s never really crossed my mind to think of Rephs that way,’ Maria said. ‘I will confess to a crush on Pleione, but she didn’t seem to notice my attempts to flirt with her. Probably for the best, since I prefer my significant other to have more than one facial expression.’

‘Fair enough.’ I shot her a quizzical look. ‘Why Pleione?’

Maria considered. ‘Something about the way she sits, like every chair is both a lounger and her throne. It speaks to me. But I digress,’ she said. ‘How long was this going on?’

I sipped the tea, if only to steady my hands. Even now, revealing this felt like betraying Arcturus.

A secret, held within, can become a poison.

He had told me that himself. Perhaps I could take it as his blessing.

‘It wasn’t serious at first,’ I eventually said. ‘We had a moment, in Oxford. I thought I was about to die. I wanted to be held, and … he was there.’ Maria nodded. ‘We spent a few nights together in London. It helped me cope. I ended it before we left for Manchester.’

‘You hid that very well. Why call it off ?’

‘Rephs are forbidden to touch humans. That’s why they all wear gloves,’ I said. ‘I worried that Terebell would find out and stop financing the Mime Order.’

‘I assumed they had poor circulation. What happens if they break this law?’

‘They’re ostracised. Warden would have had no one, not even me. They’d have made sure of it.’

‘And I thought I played with fire.’ Maria drank a little more. ‘You claim it wasn’t serious, but it must have been, for Warden to stake everything on it. For you to risk our funding.’

There was no judgement in her voice.

‘It always … meant something to me,’ I said, with difficulty. ‘But we never put a name to it. I think I was afraid to do that.’

‘Because you don’t find this sort of thing easy,’ Maria said. I shook my head. ‘I have some experience of torture. Trusting anyone after that, especially with your body, is very hard.’

‘I’m sorry.’

‘It was a long time ago.’

But she knew. She remembered.

‘We had another night in Paris. And then Scion captured him,’ I said. ‘I tracked him to the Île de la Citadelle. He told me it had all been a lie, right from the beginning, so he could mine me for information.’

I tried not to remember his eyes on that night, as cold as they had been when I first saw him.

‘But you have doubts now,’ Maria said.

‘The more I think about it, the more it doesn’t add up. If he’d told Nashira where the Mime Order was, she would have destroyed it by now.’ My fingers tightened on the mug. ‘Even at the time, I thought she was coercing him. But then he went to hit me, and—’

‘Hehityou?’

‘No, he stopped himself. He said he didn’t want to … dirty his hand.’

‘Oh, Paige.’ Maria breathed out. ‘All right. Let’s think about this. If he didn’t betray you, what happened?’

‘He’s either imprisoned or worse.’ I pressed my temples. ‘I should have tried harder to get him out. He would never have abandoned me.’

‘But he did, sweet. None of us could reach you in the Archon,’ Maria said. ‘Trying to save you would have been collective suicide, and even Warden knew it.’

‘You were with him while I was in there,’ I said. ‘Did he seem upset?’

‘You know what they’re like. So hard to read, but … Paige, I think he was devastated.’

I swallowed.