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“Actually, I’m your pool attendant. Would you like a towel or a beach umbrella?”

“Really?”

“No, you dolt! Of course I am Elisson, mightypotamusof this river!”

I had met enough river gods that I could usually stop myself from smirking when they used the termpotamus, but it was still hard not to think of hippos.

“Sorry to barge into your waters,” I said. “I’m Percy Jackson. Son of Poseidon?”

I put the question mark at the end because sometimes my dad’s name will open doors—usually watery doors.

Elisson’s eyes widened. “Oh...” He crossed his muscular blue arms like a genie about to grant me a wish. “Well, in that case, it’s fine that you dropped into my pristine private grotto with that filthy staff and without even taking your shoes off.”

“Really?”

“No, you dolt!” He flicked two fingers in my direction. My shoes and socks were ripped off my feet and shot out of the water. The staff of Iris leaped from my hand and rocketed to the surface.

I was doing the ethical math here, trying to figure out if fighting a river god in his home river was a winnable situation, and if so, whether Iris would consider it “cruelty-free.” My guesses were no and no.

“Um... sorry about the shoes,” I said, as diplomatically as I could. “But I kind of need to clean that staff. Do you mind if I—?”

“Go after it?” Elisson asked. “Of course not.”

He flicked his fingers again, and this timeIshot out of the water, slamming into the side of the cliff. I landed in a wet, groaning lump on a narrow ledge. Lying next to me, thankfully not broken, was Iris’s staff, still pretty grungy. My shoes were nowhere to be seen.

I sat up and rubbed my head. My fingers came back bloody. That probably wasn’t good.

Elisson erupted from the pool, the surface boiling around his waist. Orbiting his hair was a tiny galaxy of weightless water droplets centered on the black hole of his man bun.

“I ask forso little,” he said. “Use thesign-up sheet. Horned serpents are Tuesday-Thursday. Furies and other Underworld minions are Monday-Wednesday-Friday. Demigods arenever. Take off your shoes before entering my waters. And above all, only use theLOWER POOLS. My headwaters are off-limits! You have managed to breakallthe rules.”

I started to say, “I didn’t know—”

Elisson pointed at a bronze plaque riveted to the cliff wall next to me.POOL RULES.

I hate written instructions. Especially those posted where you can’t see them until you’ve already broken them.

“Okay,” I said. “But—”

“Let me guess.” Elisson’s water galaxy began to swirl more rapidly, his man bun bending time and space. “The rules don’t apply to you.”

“Well, I wouldn’t—”

“You’re an exception.Yourneed is important.”

“I mean—”

“It’s bad enough I’m being daylighted,” Elisson grumbled. “My water quality has turned abysmal downstream. Now you want to pollute my last pristine pool because you need some stick cleaned?”

“It’s Iris’s staff, if that helps.”

“Oh, in that case—”

“You’re going to shut me down with sarcasm again, aren’t you?”

“So you’re not a complete idiot!” Elisson smiled. “That was sarcasm, by the way.”

Just my luck. I’d brought sincerity to a sarcasm fight. I guess Iris and Hebe had dulled my natural defenses.