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Side by side, we walked back to our campsite on the path, Cal’s tunic hanging from my shoulders. I thought Miles was asleep until he opened one eye, taking in the scene in front of him, one corner of his mouth turning up in a smile.

He knew I’d chosen myself.

Chapter 45

“There’s not much we change in the way of strategy.” Cal stared at the ground, another makeshift map drawn in the dirt, this one of Eserene and the land just outside its walls.

“The Cabillian army has trebuchets stored in Taitha,” Miles said. “I say we approach here and use them to hammer the city wall as hard as we can.”

I stayed silent, knowing my skills were not suited to military strategy. We’d set up camp at the southern end of the Onyx Pass, the plains that bordered Eserene before us and the forest of the Onyxian Mountains at our backs. I had to keep my hands from shaking when I thought of Nell, Whit, and the rest of my army. They’d be arriving tonight, and the battle would commence tomorrow.

My nerves were ragged thinking about it — knowing deep in my gut what the outcome would be. I finally let myself find comfort in Cal’s presence, and I’d been glued to his side since last night. His arm was looped around me constantly, as if he were trying to make up for lost time. This tiny slice of happiness in the face of certain death was enough to keep me standing. I couldn’t forgive him, not yet. But I understood.

But that happiness was dampened just a bit every time I caught Miles’ stare, because there was sorrow somewhere in his dark eyes. It was veiled behind the focus and vigor of a lieutenant preparing for battle, but it was always there. I knew he was thinking of Cielle, seeing me make the choice he hadn’t. I wanted to ask more about her, but I didn’t know what to say.

All the while, the words he spoke in Blindbarrow haunted me. He didn’t intend to survive the battle.

“The second the wall falls, we charge. Full force,” he stated. I blinked, trying to separate myself from my mind. “We’ll lead them in and find Castemont. Petra, you’ll be in the back.”

Surprise shot through me. “The back?” I asked. “Absolutely not.”

Miles flexed his jaw. “You don’t have your powers. Fewer people will notice that if you’re bringing up the rear.”

I steadied my feet in the ground. “I’m leading an entire army to their death in an attempt to kill one man. I will not do so fromthe back.” I leaned down to pick up a stick and promptly stuck it at the front of the scribbles that represented my army. “I’ll be right here at the front. With you two. I’ll be the one to kill Castemont.”

“I don’t–”

“What if I asked you two to stay toward the back?” I cut in.

Miles looked to his brother. “We wouldn’t.” Cal shook his head.

“Then you understand why I won’t, either.”

Cal inhaled, shaking his head. “They’re going to see that you don’t have powers.”

“Then I’ll carry a torch to make it look like I can command flames,” I offered. I knew it wasn’t a good idea, but I wasn’t going to entertain the idea of sending a single person through the city walls before me. If I was asking people to charge into what could be their death, I would be leading them in. “This is not a negotiation. This is an order from your Queen.”

“Going to pull rank, now, are you?” Miles jabbed, but there was a sternness to his voice.

“Absolutely.”

The brothers exchanged a glance before Cal looked down at me. “I’d really rather you stay toward the back.”

I cocked a brow, staring back as intensely as he stared at me. “And I’d really rather not have to do this at all, but here we are. There is nothing you can say that will make me abandon those who believe in me.”

His eyes stayed on me for a moment longer, and I could tell he was considering pushing back again. But he nodded silently, his gaze turning hollow as he looked back to the map.

Miles’ black eyes lingered on my face. They were a brand on my skin, painful and persistent. “So, trebuchets here? Near the city gates?” I asked, pointing to their designated spot in the dirt, trying to move the conversation away from me.

“Yes,” Miles answered, his focus returning to the map. “Mounted cavalry here. Archers here. And the infantry here.”

I couldn’t let my eyes land on any one spot for too long. “Okay.”

“All that’s left to do is wait for the troops to arrive and pray to the Saints that this works.” Miles’ eyes hadn’t left the map. Worry creased his brow and he bit the inside of his cheek.

“Miles, one more training session before tomorrow,” I ordered. “I want to work on my swing.”

“Absolutely. We can start now.”