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“Shhh, please, Lina.”
Creak. Creak. Creak.
His shoes are at the door!
“Didn’t I tell you to keep those brats quiet?”
I run to the door and push my palms on the back.
“No, Daddy. You can’t come in here,” I scream.
Bang.
The door pushes, and I fall on my back.
“Ow,” I wail.
“Cover yourself, Lina,” Mama yells.
I sit up and tug on the end of my daisy dress.
He’s coming….
Thud.
My head hits the floor as his foot presses down on my chest….
“Adelina…Adelina, wake up.”
“Uhm….” I managed to reply, but my tongue felt thick. I sucked in air through my nostrils to steady my pulse and ease the pain in my head. My vision cleared to pinched brows and a hollow stare from Rocco. He was close, calling my name and shaking my arms.No, he wasn’t shaking them; he was pulling them off of me and holding them away from my body. The pain in my chest finally registered. My pulse jumped, and my stomach muscles twisted. What had I done?What did he see?
“What was that?” Rocco asked, his voice elevated with alarm.
“I-I’m sorry I frightened you—”
“I’m not scared, I’m worried, Bella. Was that a…dream?” His fear was tangible, and my stomach nauseated. It had been why the boarding school gave me a room alone, and I rarely slept in the same room with Cassidy. These past memories were not to be shared or seen.
I glimpsed Rocco and swallowed hard. He was quiet and patient, but I could feel his need for an explanation. I had to give him something.
“Sometimes I dream about life with my parents before I left.”
“You…your voice. It sounded like a child.”
I winced. “Yeah, well…it doesn’t happen all the time…but when I see Jacob, and I’m stressed, they come. My therapist said to let them go and trust that I’m safe. So please, can we let them go?”
“You were terrified.” He lowered his head, chewing on his lip.
I clasped his hand. “We survived, Rocco. We’re all okay now. My dreams are my guilt. I should’ve done more for Jacob.”
Rocco reached over and wrapped his arms around me. “You were only a child. It was your parents’ responsibility to care for you.”
My cheeks warmed, and I stiffened. “I’m sorry.”
“You should never be sorry, Adelina, I…I never want you to feel afraid or hurt again.” He kissed the top of my head and cuddled me. Rocco couldn’t promise that, but it warmed me that he wanted to protect me. We had reached a new place last night. We didn’t just go straight to sex; we talked through our problems as a couple. I felt closer to being brought into his confidence, and in turn, my guard dropped. Perhaps he wasn’t the only one building a trust. His holding me was what I longed for most in my past.
We would reach Yarwood Springs Center and visit my brother Jacob soon.We’d left early in the morning for Poughkeepsie, NY, where he lived. The anticipation of seeinghim again filled me with a mixture of happiness and anxiety. I felt vulnerable and wanted Jacob and Rocco to like each other more than anything.
The car slowed, and my head turned to look out the window. The tree-lined road opened to the Yarwood Springs grounds and brought a lift to my spirit. A fountain sign with flowers and shrubbery was at the entrance. It had gardeners weeding and barking the trees that lined the main road. Some people were outside, strolling around the grounds alone, while others walked in small groups. It was one of the things I loved about the place. It wasn’t just a treatment center; it was a community with long-term residents.