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Again, if anyone else had asked me this question other than Faith, I’d flinch or tell them to fuck off, but as it were, Dr. W. created a safe, non-judgmental space that really allowed me to consider things I would have probably kept buried and not addressed. I’d become a pro at that, apparently.
Overachiever.
“Well?” she nudged gently.
I tightened the blanket around me, drawing Willow’s attention. The pup lifted her head from her paws to check on me, and when she deemed the all clear, placed that little chin back down with a sigh.
“I’ve mentioned Beck is handsome, right? Like ridiculously good looking. Like the bad boy who rode a motorcycle to high school and was never seen without his leather jacket, in the body of a grown man with muscles for days—practical muscles, not the ones built by a gym rat, no, it’s more like the someone who really earns the muscles, like in his everyday life. And he’s protective, so protective it makes my heart ache sometimes because it’s been a very long time since anyone was that protective of me. Let’s not forget his big hands and we all know what that means, he has a huge?—”
My therapist cleared her throat as I cut myself off before I could say “dick” to the nice lady across from me.
She lifted a brow but otherwise remained quiet.
“Right, so I guess what I’m trying to say is that yes, a thousand times yes, I want to sleep with Beck, and I’d like to think that if things were taking a sexy turn, that I wouldn’t react the same way I did the first time. That I’d feel ready.”
She tilted her head. “What’s the plan if you do flinch? If your body does go into fight or flight?”
Honestly, I wasn’t sure. I would have to see how I felt in the moment, and I couldn’t predict how I might react. That flinch had come out of nowhere.
“You don’t have to answer me now, but think about it. That’s going to be your homework for the next time we meet. Anticipating your reaction, imagining yourself and how you want to react, that can help give you the tools you need in the moment. It’s like soccer practice.”
I burst into laughter.
Dr. W. pursed her lips. “Not a great analogy, but you understand the sentiment.”
“Practice makes perfect?” I guessed.
“Something like that.”
CHAPTER31
Beck
“You like her, don’t you?”
I checked to see if there were any tiny ears nearby and finding the coast clear, I sent Faith Waters my most dangerous glare. By the twitch of her lips, I could tell that she wasn’t shaking in her boots—no, it was quite the opposite, actually.
I combed a hand through my hair and sighed. Would it be bad if I dipped into Sebastian’s bar? One glance at the clock confirmed it wasn’t an option. Besides, it probably wasn’t a good coping mechanism. I could handle a snoopy socialite.
Couldn’t I?
Despite myself, I tuned my ears to any noise, any indication that Luna was done with her therapy appointment. I was glad she felt comfortable telling me about it in the first place. Selfishly, I wanted to make sure she spoke to someone about last night—a third party who was going to make sure we hadn’t crossed some invisible line that she wasn’t mentally or physically prepared to cross yet.
She’d slept in my bed and my body found hers in the middle of the night. At some point, my arm draped over her waist, and I held her tight. She loosed a little sigh of contentment in her sleep and that little sound made me realize what had happened. Luna must have discarded the pillows. So I plucked them from the ground, one by one, and put them between us.
The second time I found myself wrapped around her that night, I gave up and just savored the feel of my arms around her.
Faith waved her hands above her head. “Hello, Earth to Beck? Do you have the hots for my friend?”
I planted my elbows on the table and rubbed at my temples, a headache already forming from the thought of having this conversation. “Do you have some pain meds?”
Faith chuckled over the top of her coffee mug then stood, crossing the kitchen to open a cabinet and pulling out a plastic bottle. She tossed it over to me and I caught it with one hand.
“Are we waiting on the caffeine to hit before you answer my question?” she teased.
I popped open the bottle and took two pills. “I preferred this friendship when I was teasing you about Sebastian.”
Faith laughed. “I’m sure Sebastian would disagree.”