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You wouldn't know it now. With Luna licking her lips as I placed my hands on either side of her body.
When I hovered on top of her, our bodies aligned…
And sheflinched.
CHAPTER20
Luna
Beck immediately liftedoff me and moved to the other side of the bed.
My hands were shaking as I pressed my palms to my eyes. “Fuck.”
“You have nothing to apologize for,” he assured me.
I took a jagged breath.
The man was worried. For me. He even scanned the room as if looking for some invisible threat and then came up short. “Talk to me, Marks. This isn't the time for that smart mouth of yours to go quiet.”
Dropping my hands, I winked an eye open. “Dammit, I want to have sex with you.”
He looked skeptical. “Maybe you wanted to, but the way your body is reacting, I'm thinking you changed your mind. In case you don't know, I'm going to tell you it's okay to change your mind.”
What the fuck is going on with my body? “Fuck, I thought this would be easier.”
Beck propped his head in his hand as he studied me. “What's going on in that head of yours? Do you need me to get my medical kit?”
My chuckle sounded forced. I didn't embarrass easily and yet I could feel my cheeks flushing.
Beck brushed my hair back, face sober. “Did someone hurt you?”
I blinked. “Don't be so dramatic.”
The man was the opposite of amused. His jaw clenched, and I saw his fist do the same before he took a deep breath and relaxed it. “Who. Hurt. You?”
I shivered. Fuck I hadn't spoken about this since the night it happened. I somehow managed to make it to the police station to file a report and then again when I started therapy. Outside those spaces, I kept it locked up tight. Not even Faith knew about what happened.
Besides, sex sells. I know that and in my industry, I’d be an idiot not to think about it…all the time. Immediately after that horrific night I wanted to cover up, to dim my shine, until I decided to fuck that. Some asshole didn’t get to take away my bodily autonomy. That was mine and mine alone. I’d wear whatever the fuck I wanted, whatever made me feel beautiful. My own little way of taking back control of my life.
Just like not drinking had been a way of taking back control.
“Let's get you under the covers.” Beck went to help me and then must have thought better of it. The tilt of his head screamed,Is it okay if I touch you?
I swallowed and nodded, letting him. Once I got cozy, Beck pulled back, but I grabbed his hand. “Get in with me.”
His face crinkled. “Are you sure?”
I needed his grounding presence. “Hold me.”
He scrubbed a hand down his face. “Nothing is going to happen,” he said. His voice was firm, authoritative.
I patted the spot next to me. “Come.”
Beck slid under the covers and despite my brain telling me this was a bad idea, I placed an arm across his chest and nestled my head against his neck. I inhaled his calming scent as his heartbeat thudded under my hand. My body relaxed immediately, as if tuning itself to him.
He ran his fingers through my hair. “I fucking hated seeing you flinch like that.”
“I won't apologize.” Even now, even like this, with the brick walls crumbling around us, I still felt compelled to challenge him. To poke at him.