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I smile sardonically. "Revenge."
"How's that working for you?"
"It was working just fine. Until . . . "
"Until, what?"
"Until this case," I whisper.
"Mason." A small smile plays on her lips.
I shrug. "I've never felt the way I do, when he's around."
"How do you feel?"
"I don't know. Being around him tonight, I was calm until all hell broke loose. That may have been the alcohol though."
"Yeah, that was the only stupid thing you did tonight," she says raising her eyebrow.
"I know. I just don’t know how to deal with this."
"Oh, Lily. Jax did more harm than he realizes by recruiting you."
"No, Sammi. He saved my life."
"No, mate. You should be able to love freely, and you can't. I see the physical pain in your eyes when someone touches you. You needed help as a kid, not an assignment." Her voice is soft, cajoling.
"Sammi, I don't expect you to understand."
"I understand better than you think."
"This is the only thing I can do. It's what I'm made for."
"No, Lily. People aren't put on this Earth to feel pain. We're put here to love. It's in our DNA."
"Then explain all the men I've met in the last nineteen years. The ones we spend our time trying to stop."
"I can't. Some people, at some point in their life, turn dark. You're not dark though, Lily."
"Yes, I am."
"No. You’re light and beauty. You're just hurt. I see it— Blake sees it . . . Dresden, Vlad, Rhett . . . we all see it. Why can't you?" She rises to her feet and walks to the door. Pulling it open, she glances back at me. "Don't smother your feelings for Mason. This may be the only chance you get."
†††
By the time I leave the training facility it's after three a.m., and I'm exhausted. I unlock the door to the apartment and step inside, freezing as I come to face Jax and Hyde standing in the living room. I grind my teeth together.
That mother fucker.
I walk forward, squaring my shoulders, defiant and pissed. "Evening, sir."
"Good evening, Agent Williams. Where’ve you been?"
"The training room."
"How do you like it?" Hyde says stepping toward me.
"It's good, sir."