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What if something happens while I’m gone? What if Kyle takes my absence as an opportunity? What if I’m not there when Ryder needs me?

By the time I step out of the shower, I’m already exhausted. I head back into the bedroom, and Ryder’s still sleeping, his arm draped over the spot I left. The sight makes my heart clench, and I want nothing more than to stay here.

But I know I can’t.

Work has already been more than reasonable, letting me work from home because of the stalking and harassment. I know I need to go in today if I want to stay employed, but this situation is pushing me closer and closer to saying ‘fuck it,’ and finally quitting my job to explore freelancing.

Dragging my eyes off Ryder, I walk to the closet to get dressed before making my way to the kitchen. I start the coffee and take two mugs out, one of which is Ryder’s favorite. Well, he says he hates it, but he grabs it more than any other mug, so that’s Ryder for ‘this is my favorite.’

It says,‘I’ve got a dig bick,’followed by‘you read that wrong,’in a small font below it. He’s complained since the first mug he got at a white elephant exchange, but I know he secretly thinks they’re funny, so I keep collecting them. Every time I bring home a new one or gift him one, he sighs dramatically and mutters something about how I should stop wasting my money on these ‘stupid mugs,’ but sure enough, he still always uses them.

When the coffee is ready, I fill our mugs, doctoring his the way he likes it. He still hasn’t come out of here yet, but there’s no way I’m walking out the door without saying goodbye,so I grab both mugs and head back toward the bedroom. If I only have a few more minutes before I have to leave, I’m going to spend them with him.

Setting his coffee on the bedside table, I slide back into bed and settle close. The warmth of his touch immediately starts to ease my nerves, even as I count down the minutes until I need to leave.

He stirs slightly, and I reach out to brush my fingers through his brown hair. “Morning, baby,” I murmur, leaning down to press a gentle kiss to his head.

His eyes flutter open, and a slow smile stretches across his lips. “Mmm…coffee?” he asks, voice rough with sleep like it always is when he first wakes up.

“On your nightstand, sleepy.”

He grunts in approval but makes no effort to sit up and grab it. Instead, he buries his face against my chest and slings his arm across my stomach. “Too early, don’t go,” he mumbles.

I let out a small laugh, running my fingers up and down his back. “I agree. I wish I could stay.”More than you know.

Ryder lifts his head enough to peek at me through barely open eyes. “So don’t go.”

God, I want to listen to him so badly, but I know I don’t have a choice. I lean in and press a kiss to his temple this time. “You know I would if I could. I don’t want to leave you, but I have to go, baby. It’s mandatory.”

He groans, then finally pushes himself upright to reach for his coffee. He takes a slow sip. “I hate this,” he admits, and I nod.

I cup his face in my hands, grazing my thumbs over his cheekbones. “Me too. You remember what I said, right?”

He nods.

“I mean it, Ry,” I continue. “If anything feels off, call me. I don’t care what it is. I’ll sprint out of that meeting and get here as soon as I can.”

“I know,” he says softly. “I will.”

“I’ve gotta go,” I groan. “Fuck, I already miss you.”

We both stand, and he walks with me to the door. I kiss him slowly and deeply, letting myself get lost in him for a second longer. Then I force myself to pull away, resting my forehead against his.

“I’ll be back before you know it, and I’ll call you when I’m on my way home,” I promise.

He swallows hard, pulls me into a hug, and whispers, “Okay. I miss you already, too.”

I squeeze him tighter, take a deep breath, and finally step back. Before I can change my mind or do something like tell him I’m in love with him, I grab my keys and walk out the door.

I curse everything as I drive away from the apartment, and I don’t feel any better when I park in the office parking garage. Everything feels wrong, and I can’t pinpoint why, maybe because I feel like I don’t belong here anymore.

When I walk through the parking garage and into the office, I’m met with the familiar fluorescent lights that buzz overhead. The office smells like burnt coffee and cleaning products, and it feels hollow and cold despite the fake plants and wall art. It never used to bother me before, but after being away for so long, I can’t stand it. All I want is to go home to Ryder and wrap my arms around him.

“Logan! There you are. We’ve missed you around here.”

I flinch at the sound of my manager’s voice, pasting on a polite smile as she approaches.

“Conference room B in five!” she says, overly chipper.